I don’t really give a fuck about the Avatar sequels, but I really enjoy Kate Winslet as a performer. So I’m going to split the difference and shrug at this news, I guess.
There’s going to be an Avatar game. This idea is so fucking stupid that I can only imagine it’ll end up working out spectacularly. That’s how it goes, right?
James Cameron is looking around this week and seeing a movie beginning to legitimately challenge his shitty Runs With Blue Wolves flick for box office records. And, dammit, while I ain’t psychic, I have to imagine that’s why he’s injecting some Avatar news into the Pop Psyche.
Avatar sucks, in my overly-caffeinated, poorly-constructed opinion. But like, a lot of people liked it. Or did like it. Or maybe saw it. So these people may be disappointed to know the trifecta of shit-sequels won’t start dropping until 2017.
Sigourney Weaver has been spittin’ the word that she’s returning to the Avatar Universe in the sequels for a while now. Most wondered how the fuck she would, since she died in the original flick. Like didn’t flowers eat her up and shit? Man — Avatar. That fucking movie was real, and people actually paid for it. Goodness gracious. Anyways, Jimmy Cameron found a way around her death in the original movie. Just give her a new character to portray.
Condemn all of this to some mucus-caked floor in Hell. James Cameron isn’t just bringing the world an Avatar sequel. Or two. Homeboy is dropping three on us, filming them all back-to-back-to-back. It’s just like Lord of the Rings except awful and filled with garbage.
In more recent news, James Cameron doesn’t know what a trilogy happens to be. He’s currently writing the two sequels to his industry-ruining, emo-kid-inspiring Monolith. But these three flicks? Won’t form a trilogy.
In Hong Kong, things make sense. Whereas here in the United States we lavished sales upon sales on Avatar, Hong Kong saw a 3D porno beating James Cameron and his blue sons a bitches. Hell yeah, Hong Kong!
Ah, labor pains. The tremendous abdominal liquidations that come from strenuous exertion. It’s the middle of the semester for Seminal Idiot turned Teaching Assistant right here, and I’m ready for a break. I read a couple of comic books last weekend, and but for a moment, the skies opened up. Yes, I thought to myself. Perhaps it will get better. Here I am, though. It’s Tuesday, and I’m blasting through this column with little regard for grammatical form or editing. Per usual. I know.
This is Variant Covers. Here are the comics I’m excited for this week.