Final ‘NINTENDO POWER’ cover is sad and touching throwback. Rest easy, my friend.
Fare thee well, Nintendo Power. Even though I haven’t read you since I sprouted pubes, your loss will be felt in my heart. Or not. Actually, it probably won’t. Ever since I started jerking off to Kitana in my Mortal Kombat II strategy guide, I haven’t really thought about you at all. But uh. We had good times. Didn’t we? Sure.
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Spielberg and Vaughan-helmed adaptation of ‘UNDER THE DOME’ picked up by CBS.
I’ve never read Whacky Stevey’s novel Under the Dome. Even still, I’m excited that CBS has made it rain all over an initial thirteen episode adaptation of the book. They don’t give no shits! And I wouldn’t either. The entire ordeal is being helmed by Steven Spielberg and Brian K. Vaughan, so one has to imagine them being capable of pulling this off. Or if they cannot imagine that, let them imagine the Brian and Steve lathered in aloe vera gel, twisting each other’s nipples while wearing unicorn horns upon their own domes.
Analyst: ‘CALL OF DUTY’ declining sales are a concern. Me: It’s called oversaturation.
I can’t imagine anyone actually being shocked that Call of Duty is seeing a decline in sales. The son of a bitch is trotted out every year. Weary-eyed, it is set on the ground, while ravenous dickheads like myself snack on its messy innards. There is only so much it can give. A year off would do it good. Such a break would allow for a refreshing of the vibe, as well as allow for some tinkering time. That shit ain’t going to happen, however. No way. You’re better off betting on me spitting teeth into a gaping Unicorn prolapse. It simply makes too much money to abscond for a calendar’s waste. The solution? I got nothing.
‘IRON MAN 3’: Four new photos, including a damsel in distress.
Don’t forget about Iron Man 3! Even though it is a ways off, that doesn’t mean you need to have perspective. Leave that nonsense in the trash along with your common sense, and get overly stoked for a film that won’t be arriving until past the Winter’s last bite.
Hacker has cracked open ‘WII U’ CPU, and is all like ‘meh.’
I wouldn’t call this a surprise. Everyone and their drunken Uncle who pukes on his own balls at the Turkey Day dining room table knows that the Wii U is an (relatively) under-powered piece of shit. Now the same hacker who put together the first open-source driver for the Kinect has confirmed it by cracking the little piggy open. Rummaging through its guts.
Jellyfish may hold key to immortality. And curing cancer. Yeah, okay.
My girlfriend works in biotechnology, and has an understanding about these sorts of topics. Due to this, she cuts deep, contemptuous farts on these sorts of stories. Without hesitation, she will proceed to tell me how the study isn’t conclusive. How it is just something people are hypothesizing on. I weep. Just let me have this sort of pointless pontificating. I need to believe the possibility that my hefty testicles will thwart prostate cancer, living to be a colonizer of Mars.
Cameron shooting ‘AVATAR 2’ and ‘AVATAR 3’ in 2013. Hope the Mayans are right.
Here is hoping that the Mayans are right! Or rather, the panicked white people glomming onto misinterpretations of Mayan calendars. For if they are not, Jimmy Cameron is going to slather digital celluloid with two movies of utter fecal matter.
NASA discovers that MERCURY has water at its poles. G’damn space miracle.
How is this for unexpected. The planet closest to the Sun sports frozen water and its poles. The barren ball of Space Hell may contain the building blocks of life. Or something. God. Damn. Fascinating. Lord, I love it when scientist wizards find something so completely counter-intuitive to common beliefs. The mysteries of the Universe give our arrogance the finger, lurking behind the pale of discovery.
French company dropping refurbished SNES consoles in sexy pastel schemes.
Goddamn! These are gorgeous. Lekki is a French company that will swag you out wit wank-worthy renditions of old consoles. They’re currently tackling the shortage of pastel-colored SNES consoles in the PAL region. Dear French folks, bring me one. I beg you.
Cosplay: Aela The Huntress from ‘SKYRIM’ is warmth in the tundra.
This, this is the goodness right here. As the frost covers the ground, just imagine this wonderful lass keeping you company.
