First LAB-GROWN KIDNEY successfully implanted into a rat. Phew. ‘Cause mine are shot.
The first lab-grown kidney has been successfully implanted into a rat. Sort of. With these sort of stories, there are caveats all over the fucking place. Still though, still! Hang. Don’t go running off. The actual story is pretty fucking outstanding.
No Comments
SPOILER: ‘IRON MAN 3’ POST-CREDITS scene revealed.
Pretty clear here folks. If you’re a spoiler-whore like me, hit the jump. If you have self-discipline then stay the fuck away. Also, please teach me your skills.
‘MAN OF STEEL’ Teaser: ZOD kneels before PIXELATED TRANSMISSIONS.
What the fuck is going on here? Zod can travel all the way to Earth, but homeboy can’t broadcast a clean transmission?
Monday Morning Commute: Durban’s dilemma
If there was one thing Durban hated, it was his bedside electronic crow.
Every morning, every goddamn morning, the metal-feathered automaton would leave its battery-perch, hover above the bed, and screech directly into Durban’s face. It didn’t matter to the faux-fowl whether Durban had a day off from the mineral farm or if he was dreaming of his ex-girlfriend from Jupiter or if he was in the midst of an ethanol-fueled fever dream. And this is why it was such an effective companion.
`Cause at 5:45 AM, the electronic crow was guaranteed to terror-scream Durban back into consciousness.
To be fair, Durban recognized the practical value of his name-brand, top-of-the line robot-rooster. After all, he wasn’t going to wake up and go to work completely of his own volition. And who could blame him? It takes a special sort of masochism to rise early enough to catch the first boneshaking Teleport-Shuttle of day to Rhea, the most bastardly of Saturn’s moons, only to spend the next eight hours scavenging for traces of Lupillian.
Goddamn.
But without the bird, Durban wouldn’t get to Rhea on time. And if Durban didn’t get to Rhea on time, there’s no chance an operator would save him an excavator. And if Durban didn’t excavate Lupillian, he wouldn’t be able to pay his rent. And on most days, the thought of not paying his rent on time positively horrified him.
But on one fantastic Monday morning, Durban decided that his hatred of the crow was more palpable than his fear of landlord-ire.
5:45 AM crept into existence, and the crow came to life. Shaking itself off of its docking station, the bird began to flutter upwards. But Durban had awoken nearly a half-hour before, plagued by a crotch-burn no doubt gifted to him by the discount Prosti-Clone he’d rented on Ganymede. So with one eye open and a fire plaguing his urethra, Durban waited for his every-morning adversary to strike first.
“CAW! CAW! THE CURRENT TIME IS FIVE-FORTY-FIVE ANTE-MERIDIEM! CAW! CA-“
Whoosh! The whiskey bottle spiraled through the air! Smash! The crow simply hadn’t been programmed to anticipate such an attack, and as such its beak was decimated by the hard glass corner of the bottle’s ass. The bird spent its last few seconds writhing in robo-agony, head caved in and vital sparks bleeding into the air.
“Well, I guess ya still woke me up, eh?” Durban was crouching down to assess the damage. Seeing that the target was destroyed, he took a self-satisfied swig from the whiskey bottle and walked over to his much-littered coffee table. From the table, Durban snatched a stack of comic books.
“Fuck work. And fuck birds. Today, I’m drinkin’ and readin’ comics.”
—-
Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! As OL’s weekly gathering for entertainment show-and-tell, the MMC is digital nerd-discussion at its finest. Here’s how it works: I’m going to showcase some of the fun-stuffs I’ll be munching on throughout the week. Then, you hit up the comments section and show off the enjoyment-snacks you’ll be stuff into your own mind-gullet. In the process, we geek out and debate and talk all sorts of nonsense.
It’s wonderful.
Let’s go for it!
‘HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE’ Teaser Trailer: Can J-LAW burn away the source’s mediocrity?
Oh shiiiit, I fucking hate myself for that pun. As you read through Catching Fire, it quickly becomes clear that its author Suzanne Collins doesn’t really have much of a panache outside of her original (stolen, borrowed, remixed, whatever) conceit. So while it would be awesome if Jennifer Lawrence, the film’s mediocre director, and the entire rush job could transcend its source material, I ain’t fucking betting on it. None the less, here is the trailer.
Infinite Praise – Talking About Bioshock Infinite
Without question, Bioshock Infinite has proven itself as incredibly troubling to the novice reviewer (played by myself). It’s not that the game is overwhelmingly challenging, or so perfect that I find it difficult to find fault and give a balanced account, but more that every element has been considered and given such attention: making just about everything worthy of mentioning. It’s an overwhelming game to process, but I’m going to try for you, though, because I fucking adore you. Seriously, you don’t even know.
GREAT YURI’S GHOST: RUSSIA announces new $50 BILLION space program.
Russia isn’t fucking around, folks. They’re dead set on establishing their Nuclear-Powered Illuminati hub on the surface of Europa. The Kremlin has recently unveiled the plan through which they shall engage such plans, covering up their obvious covert operations underneath the guise of a pretty, pretty, pretty beefy new space program.
‘STAR WARS: RECLAMATION’ is either NEW CARTOON or UTTER BUNK. What think you?
Here is a new Star Wars rumor. A sleuth upon the International Movie Database has uncovered a trove of documents purporting to detail the new cartoon in Uncle George’s Former Empire. Take a look at the deets, and then let me know what you think.
WHITE HOUSE ain’t cool with CISPA as it stands. Color me skeptical.
Maybe it’s because I’m on to the President-is-a-member-of the-Illuminati-Reptile-People conspiracy, but I have a hard time believing that the White House is actually concerned about CISPA. Sure the proles will gobble up this news, but not me. I’m busy watching They Live, and constructing my own set of reptile-revealing glasses. The Truth is out there.
MARS ORBITER may have found the Soviet’s MARS 3 LANDER. Cold War heating up, et cetera.
The Mars Orbiter may have found remnants from the Soviet Union’s Mars 3 Lander. Pretty cool. What would be even cooler is if they’d reveal images from the top secret Illuminati Trilateral Commission base on the Red Planet. You know the one I’m talking about. The base that is run by Steve Jobs’ in his cloned body, with terra-forming labor being provided by disappeared teens. That’d be way cooler. Oh well, we will have to settle for “news” about this.
