Monday Morning Commute: Durban’s dilemma
If there was one thing Durban hated, it was his bedside electronic crow.
Every morning, every goddamn morning, the metal-feathered automaton would leave its battery-perch, hover above the bed, and screech directly into Durban’s face. It didn’t matter to the faux-fowl whether Durban had a day off from the mineral farm or if he was dreaming of his ex-girlfriend from Jupiter or if he was in the midst of an ethanol-fueled fever dream. And this is why it was such an effective companion.
`Cause at 5:45 AM, the electronic crow was guaranteed to terror-scream Durban back into consciousness.
To be fair, Durban recognized the practical value of his name-brand, top-of-the line robot-rooster. After all, he wasn’t going to wake up and go to work completely of his own volition. And who could blame him? It takes a special sort of masochism to rise early enough to catch the first boneshaking Teleport-Shuttle of day to Rhea, the most bastardly of Saturn’s moons, only to spend the next eight hours scavenging for traces of Lupillian.
But without the bird, Durban wouldn’t get to Rhea on time. And if Durban didn’t get to Rhea on time, there’s no chance an operator would save him an excavator. And if Durban didn’t excavate Lupillian, he wouldn’t be able to pay his rent. And on most days, the thought of not paying his rent on time positively horrified him.
But on one fantastic Monday morning, Durban decided that his hatred of the crow was more palpable than his fear of landlord-ire.
5:45 AM crept into existence, and the crow came to life. Shaking itself off of its docking station, the bird began to flutter upwards. But Durban had awoken nearly a half-hour before, plagued by a crotch-burn no doubt gifted to him by the discount Prosti-Clone he’d rented on Ganymede. So with one eye open and a fire plaguing his urethra, Durban waited for his every-morning adversary to strike first.
“CAW! CAW! THE CURRENT TIME IS FIVE-FORTY-FIVE ANTE-MERIDIEM! CAW! CA-“
Whoosh! The whiskey bottle spiraled through the air! Smash! The crow simply hadn’t been programmed to anticipate such an attack, and as such its beak was decimated by the hard glass corner of the bottle’s ass. The bird spent its last few seconds writhing in robo-agony, head caved in and vital sparks bleeding into the air.
“Well, I guess ya still woke me up, eh?” Durban was crouching down to assess the damage. Seeing that the target was destroyed, he took a self-satisfied swig from the whiskey bottle and walked over to his much-littered coffee table. From the table, Durban snatched a stack of comic books.
“Fuck work. And fuck birds. Today, I’m drinkin’ and readin’ comics.”
Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! As OL’s weekly gathering for entertainment show-and-tell, the MMC is digital nerd-discussion at its finest. Here’s how it works: I’m going to showcase some of the fun-stuffs I’ll be munching on throughout the week. Then, you hit up the comments section and show off the enjoyment-snacks you’ll be stuff into your own mind-gullet. In the process, we geek out and debate and talk all sorts of nonsense.
Let’s go for it!
Gettin’ Amped About/Boston Comic Con
In case you didn’t know, OL has some pretty sick t-shirts for sale. As such, we’re going to be attending Boston Comic Con in the hopes of selling some of these fine pieces of apparel. If you’re attending, feel free to come by and give us money in exchange for a shirt.
Okay, now that the hawking of wares is out of the way, I can say this — attending conventions is a goddamn blast. Sure, we’re trying to sell some shirts and comics, but we all genuinely enjoy basking in the insanity of the convention atmosphere. It might be the only environment in which one can one find mouth-breathing introverts and scantily-clad babes and B-list celebrities and casual observers and genuinely talented artists all celebrating (in some capacity) the wonder of comic books.
It’s going to be awesome.
Listening To/Indicud (Kid Cudi)
Yeah, I don’t know about this Indicud thing.
Nearly four years ago, I discovered the Kid Named Cudi mixtape and I simply fell in love. Hell, I declared that Kid Cudi could very well be hip-hop’s next best thing. I was so sure that his youthful outlook and fresh style would carry him, and, by proxy, the listeners, into unchartered terrain. I was so goddamn sure that he’d put out one Earth-shattering album after another.
Well, looks like there’s egg on my face.
To be fair, I’m definitely still interested in what Scott Mescudi is creating. I thought the second Man on the Moon album had some material, and could even appreciate some of the moments on the weird-beyond-reason WZRD. With Indicud dropping tomorrow, I’ll definitely be spending some of this week digesting Cudi’s newest effort.
My hope? That Kid Cudi returns to the upbeat soda-pop of freshness that hooked me in the first place. My fear? That Kid Cudi continues to revel in the sludgy gas station coffee of tired self-reflection that he’s been sippin’ on.
Anyone listen yet?
REALLY! Hopin’ to See!/The Place Beyond the Pines
I love movies. I love Ryan Gosling. And I especially love Ryan Gosling movies.
But what I don’t love is when Ryan Gosling movies come out in limited release. Such has been the case with The Place Beyond the Pines. Fortunately, it looks like the theaters around me are finally starting to carry this sexily-cast crime drama, so I may finally get a chance to check it out. I’ve been purposely avoiding reviews, but if any of you have see this one let me know what you think.
If I actually make it to the theater, mayhaps I’ll post some thoughts!
So that’s my week – Gosling and Cudi and convention-life!
What’re you doin’ this week?!