MICROSOFT’S “SIRI” EQUIVALENT IS CALLED “CORTANA.” ARE THE BLUE JUB JUBS INCLUDED?
Yeahhh! Pig alert! I can’t help it (Yes I can, I’m just a piece of shit.) I want to swerve my swizzle stick all around Master Chief’s blue-bummed aid’s ass. Or something. What am I even talking about? So tired. Oh yeah! Being attracted to polygons. Cortana. Yum yum. Microsoft must know that I’m not alone, because they’re calling their Siri equivalent “Cortana.”
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‘STAR WARS’ SPIN-OFF FLICKS will be ORIGIN STORIES. Mehnothanx
Yeah maybe these movies will be decent but I’m not feeling yet another set of origin stories in the Star Wars universe. I’d rather they throw us some Kenobi nuggets from when he was protecting Luke, or like, issuing destruction during the Clone Wars or whatever. I don’t need to see Han Solo find Baby Chewie.
(I’ll still love it probably okay fuck you.)
Opinions Vary: Fantasy Football
Football is back. I am excited. If you are reading this outside the US or are one of those soccer loving people, I am talking about the smashmouth game played on the gridiron, and not the game where you run for three hours and then call it a draw. I understand the futility of making a post about sports on a comic/video game/movie blog is counterproductive, so I promise I will make it entertaining.
A few years back, some friends and I circulated out via e-mail ultimate fantasy baseball teams using characters from movies, comics, tv shows, and books. Well, I’m going to do that for my Opinions Vary column this week. Why you ask? Two reasons. Number 1, i’ts fun, and number 2 I am doing this at the 11th hour and honestly have no better ideas. So feel free to make your own team complete with reasons and explanations. Also, don’t be shy about ripping into me or each other about selections. I will be following a few rules when constructing my team. Those is no teleportation/ phasing, flight is also off limits, brainwashing and reading minds is out, and no magic, telekinesis, or props (Mjollnir, Iron Man suit, web shooters, etc). So hit the jump and let’s get started. Keep Reading »
BRIAN WOOD teases NEW COMIC following in the footsteps of ‘NORTHLANDERS.’
Northlanders died too young a death because you assholes were too busy buying the Civil War: Infinity Crisis 2: Secret Legion tie-ins to support the fledgling little Vikings comics. I spit on your corpse for that! But perhaps I shall find eternal peace now, a stoic repose, because Brian Wood seems to be hinting at a comic that shall follow in its footsteps. Sans Vikings. Or something. Fuck ya’ll.
Buy These Flippin Comics!!! (9.11.13) Die-Hard With A Vengeance
One of the great things about comics is the medium’s penchant for reinterpretation and reinvention. An endless catalogue of characters, fictitious and real, lie dormant in old books and film, waiting for another chance to tell their story. Hit the jump and let’s discuss a few of those appearing in comics this week, and I PROMISE I won’t make another crappy Die Hard reference!
‘CHRONICLE’ WRITER is pitching a ‘WONDER WOMAN’ flick.
Max Landis. Wrote Chronicle. Seems to really, really, really enjoy himself. Enjoys hearing himself speak, eat, spank, take a dump (I can relate). The dude who took the world by force with his fiercely mediocre first effort is now pitching a Wonder Woman movie.
VOYAGER 1 REALLY, TOTALLY HAS LEFT THE SOLAR SYSTEM. HONEST.
Guys. Guys. Guys! Seriously. It’s serious this time. For now. It’s like, legit. Voyager 1 is the first human-made spacecraft to leave our solar system. Those other times we thought it it? Forget them. This is legit. Stop grimacing with skepticism. This is the truth.
Cosplay: LADY KRATOS will RAIN DEATH ON YOU. BEAUTIFULLY.
Fuck yes. A homocidal thrasher of souls has never looked so gorgeous. Lady Kratos, please manipulate me with your gauntlets. Cool? Feel free to pretty much non-fatally penetrate me with whatever sort of device you wish. I just need to be home in time for Thursday Night Football. Deal?
NEW ‘HARRY POTTER’ SPIN-OFF FILM COMING. JK ROWLING TOTALLY SCRIPTING.
Well, this is going to make a lot of people happy. And me? I ain’t even mad or whatever. Don’t really care. It’s something. It’s a movie. So uh, yeah. Stalling. Pretending to find sentiment. Let me know how you feel?
NO SH*T RUMOR: The MILLENIUM FALCON will “play a role” in ‘EPISODE VII.’
Does this surprise you? Does it knock the hair off your labia? Does it hardened your nipples and/or testicles? ‘Cause it seems pretty obvious to me. If James James Abrams is getting the entire original cast back together for Episode VII, why in tarnation wouldn’t the Millenium Falcon be involved? So why am I covering this? ‘Cause I fucking love Star Wars!
