Bungie! Just fucking stop. Stop dropping these teasers for Destiny. Less than a month away, but I don’t want to wait any longer. Take my fucking money, now. Or if you don’t want to, then please lord stop entering these trailers into my gooey guts. I can’t take it.

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According to That Guy from Rad Azz Digest, Marvel’s Dr. Strange isn’t going to be an origin story. Which, whatever, okay? First off – so what. Second off – I have to say I think we’re going to be delving into the ontology of what constitutes an origin story. Like just because we aren’t going to see Stevey Strange sprouting pubes doesn’t mean that being introduced to him and his backstory isn’t an origin story. Am I making sense here? Bueller?

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Reality is, at best, a tenuous set of consensual hallucinations that we share with one another. Our greasy faces, our fat, gibbering jowls, our swollen, offensive ocular meat-balls all nodding in agreement at the barest, most pathetic concept of reality we hew together as Man. But hey. What the fuck do you want out of me? I can’t do shit about it. #YOLO So I’m going to live my life, dimly aware that my beliefs are conjured by a primitive brain-steak based on embarrassingly limited means of perception, and also play some video games. Love my fellow man. Hold doors, say please and thank you. Read some books. And watch Brock Lesnar give people the F5. ‘Cause really there’s no reason to do otherwise.

This is Monday Morning Commute – the column where we list the various ways we’re staving off staring into the Abyss and realizing how fucking Dumb It All Is. Generally these ways take the form of arts, farts, cheap beers, and ideally – Skittles.

I’ll go first.

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Stellan Skarsgård continues to assert his importance to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Dude held it down in Thor, sort of almost ruined the world in Avengers, and then ran around in his undies in Thor: The Dark World. Now he’s returning for Avengers: Age of Ultron. What’s he up to in the movie? Who knows. But I’m personally hoping he hangs dong.

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Last week Johnny Hotsauce and myself spent a good amount of time admiring the fact that Rob Liefeld is truly radical. And almost as though The Stoked One could perceive our excitement, he has issued forth an application for our phones. An application that is centered around helping us be the best Rob Liefeld fans we can possibly be.

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Last weekend at Boston Comic Con, Bateman and myself spent a good amount of time lamenting that there doesn’t exist an unaltered cut of Star Wars. And now it seems (if this website isn’t a big fucking LIAR) that the sensible will become the inevitable. Disney is planning to release an unaltered cut. Praise be. Praise be!

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Last month, Microsoft killed Xbox Entertainment Studios. This month, it seems like they’re trying to pawn the dead-not-dead original programming company off onto an sucker interested party. So far, that sucker interested party seems to be Warner Bros.

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Between Lego Movie, and the Jump Street flicks, Phil Lord and Chris Miller can get it. From me! Right up against my pop-culture geek prostate. So this news is fucking radical. The two Dudes are working on a pilot for CBS (which I know ugh they’re the wasteland of non-comedy) with a mind from The Office.

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Nebula! I’ll be honest. She was one of the few performances in Guardians of the Galaxy that I wasn’t thrilled with. But none the less, this cosplay is awesome, and her performance was not a reflection of her aesthetics.

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Wait — what? Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight is getting a trailer that will run before the new Sin City: Grime Grime Noir Time movie. This is particularly cool because, uh, the film hasn’t even begun filming yet. So like. What’s it going to be?

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