‘Rampage’ Trailer: Seriously, The Rock. What the fuck are you doing?
Man. I’ve been binging 1980s action movies this year. And around the time of my twentieth or thirtieth one, I had a revelation. The Rock is goddamn wasted on all of these adaptations, franchise revivals, and fucking disaster porn spectacles. He should be mirking dudes with his biceps and boomsticks and bayonets. Smashing skulls, driving fast, ripping off one-liners. Not, Jesus fucking Christ, running around the city with his goddamn genetically engineered gorilla friend. Fighting other shitty looking monsters.
Like, what the fuck is going on. This looks so, so stupid.
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‘Fantastic Beasts’ sequel gets an official title and first look. Everyone looks so fucking lame, dude
Look at this fucking horde of goddamn dorks. They’ll be starring in Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. What a fucking pack of nerds.
‘Black Panther’ International Trailer: T’Challa’s Suit Gets Some Upgrades
Black Panther has gotten itself an international trailer, and I am 100% not fucking with it. Man, I’m so goddamn sold! I don’t need to be persuaded, I don’t need anything else spoiler. But, apparently, it features some dope upgrades for T’Challa’s suit.
James Franco starring as Multiple Man in ‘X-Men’ spin-off movie. Like, what the fuck?
James Franco, who loves himself more than I love anything in the world, is returning to the world of comic books to play Jamie Madrox in a Multiple Man movie. I slightly fuck with the dude as an actor, but like with fellow dicklord blowhard Jared Leto, I often struggle separating his self-satisfaction from his performances.
Rumor: Matt Reeves already has Ben Affleck’s replacement in mind for ‘The Batman’
What, what the fuck are we doing here? Ben Affleck clearly doesn’t want to be Batman. Furthermore, Matt Reeves already got a fucking replacement in mind. Can we just call the BatFleck experiment over, already?
‘Deadpool 2’ Trailer: Equal Parts Bob Ross and Merc With The Mouth
The first trailer for Deadpool 2 has dropped, and it has dropped in straight fuckin’ Deadpool fashion. It’s equal parts Bob Ross and Merc with a Mouth. Makes sense, right? For, what would this franchise be now, without some self-aware meta sprinkled in with its sleek utlra-violence? Fucking nothing, that’s what!
That ‘Lord of the Rings’ TV series for Amazon is going to be a prequel. ‘Cause why not the teats must be milked
Hey! How do the powers that be at Amazon compensate for pretty much all of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit having been beaten into paste, snorted, puked up, and snorted again? ‘Cause, you know, they’ve got a TV series coming? Prequel, baby! Ah yes, that insipid fucking narrative technique.
‘John Wick’ creator adapting ‘Hitman’ games into Hulu TV series. Perfect combo is perfect
The motherfuckin’ creator of John Wick is adapting the Hitman franchise for Hulu. As far as pairings between talent and content go, this is pretty fucking perfect.
Ben Affleck says he’s “contemplating” the ‘Batman’ solo movie. Bro, it’s cool, move on
Poor fucking Ben Affleck. He’s all “contemplating” The Batman. Like, dude, it’s fine. BatFleck ain’t your thing. Be free. We won’t blame you. No need for all this deliberation and shit. I’d be exhausted too from starring in these Zack Snyder directed, critically panned, eternally burning dumpster fires.
SNES Saturdays #3 – Thorgasms and the Great Bear Brawl
