‘Shadow of the Tomb Raider’ Teaser Trailer: More Tombs, More Raiding, Coming September 14
The first two games in the rebooted Tomb Raider franchise have been fucking rad. I mean, like really fucking rad. So, I’m beyond stoked to snag this third title come September. #FillerText #ButItsTrue.
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FX orders “tech-world” thriller from ‘Ex Machina’ and ‘Annihilation’ director Alex Garland. Don’t fuck this up for me, nerds
Man, Alex Garland fucking rules. So, I’m all about FX ordering a thriller from the science-fiction beast. My only worry is that you fucking nerds won’t be watching it, too busy jerking off to those lame ass CW shows and Big Bang Theory and shit. Please, watch this show. I need it. And forgive me, I’m just a big touchy after Annihilation made zero dollars, and Jumanji had a thirty-three week run.
‘Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald’ Trailer: Jude Law stars as Dumbledore in dumb trailer for dumb movie
Can you tell how I feel about these fucking Harry Potter spin-off flicks? And, that’s despite me enjoying the first dumb spin-off in this dumb spin-off series!
‘Rampage’ Trailer: Dwayne Johnson’s monster movie finally leans into its absurdity
Even though I’m still pissed The Rock hasn’t done a nice, Hard-R, brutal action movie, I’m just going to embrace this Rampage flick. Yes, it’s patently fucking absurd, and that’s what may make it fun as fuck.
‘Sorry To Bother You’ Trailer: ‘Atlanta’ star Lakeith Stanfield shows you the power of the Dave Chappelle white guy voice
I can’t be the only one thinking of Dave Chapelle’s classic White Guy Voice while watching the trailer for Sorry To Bother You, right? And, don’t get me wrong. I mean that in a good way.
Square Enix is hiring “core members” for the ‘Final Fantasy VII’ remake, in case you thought it actually existed by now
The Final Fantasy VII remake is, at best, coming in ten years as a broken and underwhelming game. This is despite the fact that it was announced a thousand years ago, and has been “in development” since then. Oh, you need some proof? Well, how about this. The company is hiring “core members” for the title. Despite the fact that the title was announced a thousand years ago.
Monday Morning Commute: I don’t know how to think anymore.
I don’t know how to think anymore.
I tried to write an earnest reflection about how I’m currently feeling about life. But, lo and behold, it turned out to be an overwrought thinkpiece of half-nonsense and half-pretense, and ultimately a whole lot of nothing. I’m thirty-one, which is five years too old to wax philosophic and call it honor.
So I killed that darling.
Then I tried to write one of my standard pieces of drivel-fiction. Y’know, the ones where I use robots and space as stand-ins for people and circumstances. The one I tried to hack away at this week was about an android named Dorothy who couldn’t bring herself to kill a dog, despite being able to predict that the dog was going to maim a little boy. Engrossing, I know, but it just felt too paint-by-numbers for me.
So that darling got killed, too.
Where does that leave us? Where does that leave me? Well, I guess all I can say is that I don’t know what – or maybe even how – to think anymore. But I have to believe that some of you are still thinkin’!
So let’s do this, MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! I’m going to tell you what I’ve got lined up for this week. Then you swoop in to comment on my plans and share your own.
Let’s rock!
‘John Wick 3’ begins filming next month in Montreal, and the world is better for it
John Wick 3, the third film in the greatest cinematic trilogy of all time, begins filming next month in Montreal. I must admit, I’m almost uncontrollably fucking stoked for this movie.
