The final trailer for Tron: Legacy dropped yesterday, and it’s fucking stupendous. I didn’t think I could be any more excited for this movie. I mean, I’ve gone over the reasons that it’s going to inspire a back-aching boner in my nerd loins. It’s got technogadgets, hot ass women in latex, the Dude, and action sequences. Well. Yesterday’s trailer featured even more chicks in latex, some plot points, but most importantly, action beyond what I even expected. I need to see this movie.

Hit the jump for the final trailer.

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Nintendo sure knows how to suck the fucking fun out of things: roll up and trademark a cultural phrase. “It’s On Like Donkey Kong!” has been a geek phrase for a while now. In case you didn’t miss it, you drop this phrase when shit is really about to pop off. Shit is getting serious! So Nintendo, like some confused parent trying to be cool, has decided to co-op the phrase. By filing a trademark for it. You fucking geeks. They want to use it to promote their forthcoming game, Donkey Kong Country Returns.

Guys, c’mon. First off, you don’t need that phrase to promote the game. It didn’t work as a phrase to promote Scott Pilgrim, did it? And secondly, did you really need to trademark it to use it in your campaign?

Whatever the case, they’ve taken back the phrase. Officially commodified it. Which, in case they don’t follow pop culture, makes it instantly thirty-thousand times less cool.

I vote yes.

[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

Hours Later.

Sweating. Crying. Bleeding. It was at this moment that Riff began to reconsider the value of having stood up against the tyranny of Brady Moore.

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I stand motherfuckin’ corrected. I used to think that unboxing videos were the lamest fucking thing ever. A silent dork, in a dark room, one hand on his cock, the other on a shaky camera. Naw son, they aren’t all worthless. Why? ‘Cause Ice-T’s unboxing of Call of Duty: Black Ops is the most amazing thing I’ve seen in a while. It’s four minutes of motherfuckin’ hilarity, with some of the most classic lives in a while. Watch as Ice-T yells that he’s going to cum as the stage loads. Watch as he tells everyone to suck his ass.

I’m not lying when I say that I think Ice-T is the fucking man. I’ll reiterate the reasons: dope ass gamer, wife with a rump that fucking slays, and he holds down a role on a fucking Law and Order show. He’s a hero of mine, and goddamn I want to hang out with him.

Hit the jump to check out the only fucking Call of Duty: Black Ops video you’ll ever need to see. Promise. Pinky Swear.

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Welcome to Variant Covers! God damn I love comic books. If I don’t make that clear throughout my columns, I want to stamp it across your dome-piece right now. Not only do I love comic books as medium, but lately I’ve been rubbing a wild assortment of them across my groin in glee. There’s a lot of good shit out there to be reading. The comic industry may be declining, tangible products may be dying, but we still have a good amount of amusing funny books to leaf through. This is a slower week (for me), but I’m inclined to not complain. Nothing coming out that’s going to catch your eye? Go crack open an old book and try and look at it in a different light.

Lately I’ve been trying to examine the the effect of panel structure and panel choice on a narrative. I don’t usually pay attention that much to the art, as a disinclined literature nerd. But it can make things really interesting, really fast.

Per usual, hit the comments box with the titles you’re snagging (or not snagging) this week.

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Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #6
This week, we get the climax to Mr. Wayne’s gallivanting across the Time Stream. Which is funny, because last week he was alive and well in Batman and Robin #16. Alive, well, and dropping Bat-Reveals with a stunning calm. I know I bitched about it last week, but it irks me to no end that publishers like DC and Marvel can’t organize their releases to have characters’ return stories finish before they arrive in other titles completely fucking alive. I know those corporations are leviathans, and its easier said than done. But still.

This storyline has been a mind-warping alteration of the entire Batman mythos. And I’ve dug it a lot. I know that Morrison’s modus operandi isn’t for everyone. Non-linear romps through the timestream with one of the world’s more prominent comic book characters is sure to turn people off. Perhaps you’re asking, “Why isn’t he throwing batarangs off the dumb faces of the Joker and Killer Croc? Fuck the Heat Death of the universe!”

To which I say, pshaw.

I don’t know how they’re going to wrap this storyline up in one more issue, but I’m interested to see it unfold. Others, I’m sure, will be wiping their hands and saying they’re glad its over.

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Listen, purveyors of cool. If you’re not watching The Walking Dead, you’re fucking up. Done fucking up well. The first two episodes have been ass-clenching awesome. The good news for those of us who are watching it? Well, not only have we made it the best debut for a show ever on AMC, but we’ve earned ourselves a reward.

The show has been picked up for a full second season.

AMC via Slashfilm:

(New York, NY — November 8, 2010) AMC announced today the renewal of “The Walking Dead” for a 13-episode second season. Since debuting Sunday, October 31, “The Walking Dead” has broken ratings records, with the series reaching more Adults 18-49 than any other show in the history of cable television.

“I wish all programming decisions were no brainers like this one,” said Sharon Tal Yguado, SVP Scripted Programming. “‘The Walking Dead’ is a TV masterpiece on so many levels. We want at least 10 seasons, if not more. Kudos to AMC!”

AMC’s “The Walking Dead” is based on the comic book series written by Robert Kirkman and published by Image Comics.   Kirkman serves as an executive producer on the project and three-time Academy Award-nominee Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile) serves as writer, director and executive producer. Gale Anne Hurd (The Terminator, Aliens, Armageddon, The Incredible Hulk), chairman of Valhalla Motion Pictures, serves as Executive Producer. David Alpert from Circle of Confusion and Charles “Chic” Eglee (Dexter, The Shield, Dark Angel) serve as Executive Producers.

Fucking awesome. The best part is that it’s an entire season. Right now, this little ditty we’re being treated to is a six-episode cock tease. Good lord, it’s going to be over before we know it. At least we have something to look forward to! Right on.

Jude Buffum has tackled a question we’re all wondering: if we were to kill Bowser or Yoshi or a chocobo, how would we go about eating them? What are the choicest of meats? The best slices? I know it’s a salient question for many of us. I mean, if Bowser can rape and pillage as he sees fit, why can’t we eat the son of a bitch? Buffum came up with a bunch of graphics that mimic a view of cuts for something as pedestrian as say a cow, but instead applied it to the fantastic meats of nether realms.

They’re awesome. The entire work was done for the upcoming show Pixel Pushers, and it’s tremendous. Hit the jump for a guide to eating your favorite mythical creature. (Or two.)

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[Source: io9, Click to Enlarge.]

Back in 1978, the man behind the stature of Vader, David Prowse dropped a bombshell on an adoring crowd in Berkeley, California. He revealed that he was, in fact, Luke Skywalker’s father. The crowd went bananas batshit about the information. The most impressive part? The dude was probably full of shit.

As everyone knows by know, even George Lucas didn’t have a fucking clue who Luke’s father was. His father’s identity was bandied about, and for a while it was considered to be Obi-Wan. In fact, even when it was decided that it was Vader, Lucas had Prowse say the lines “Obi-Wan killed your father!” (fixed to save geeks from apoplexy) while filming the ultimate emo-kid asshole scene of the actual reveal. James Earl Jones’ dialogue with the actual paternity megaton was dubbed in later.

So did Prowse know before everyone else? Or was he just spitting garbage? Either way, it’s amazing. And as io9 points out, this was before the internet. Shit like this happened now, it’d be everywhere, and Lucas would probably have Prowse assassinated.

It only took seven episodes, but I am almost certain this season of Dexter has wrapped its murderous tendrils around my intrigue. This week’s episode, Circle Us, seemingly kicked off the beginning of the season’s sprint to the finish line. White-knuckled, butt-clenching excitement. Totally awesome, dudes. I suppose there is some truth to the axiom that my fellow Morgan watchers hammered into me: it’s a slow boil, it’s been every season, et cetera. And while I disagree on the macro level, since last season was a runaway train cart, it may be paying off in season five.

Excelsior! You win. Don’t ever say I don’t keep an open mind.

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