DEFEAT. 024 – The Hero Gets the Girl
[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction. Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]
Daryl leaned forwards and Vanessa leaned backwards. The hero planted a kiss on his girl’s neck. There was enthusiasm only teens are capable of, a willingness to jump right into the thick of things without worrying about details. And that was for the best, too, ‘cause if Daryl started thinking about the particulars he’d have realized he had no clue as to what the fuck he was doing.
Or, more appropriately, how to do the fucking.
But that didn’t matter, because Daryl was a teenager. And as such, he was imbued with that special prowess of life that is lost when one allows bills and taxes and getting to the office on time and counting calories and changing the batteries in the smoke alarm to take precedence. When that happens life is no longer an experience but a goddamn calculation. Less of something to enjoy and more of something to figure out. Not a gift, but an expense.
Daryl and Vanessa didn’t concern themselves with such misdirecting thoughts. Instead, they went full-throttle into one another, grappling with a passion that could’ve been mistaken for violence had clothes not been removed. Neither had ever gone all the way before, but there was no doubt in either’s mind now.
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Variant Covers: The Stench Of Latex Crotch, Zounds.
Ah, labor pains. The tremendous abdominal liquidations that come from strenuous exertion. It’s the middle of the semester for Seminal Idiot turned Teaching Assistant right here, and I’m ready for a break. I read a couple of comic books last weekend, and but for a moment, the skies opened up. Yes, I thought to myself. Perhaps it will get better. Here I am, though. It’s Tuesday, and I’m blasting through this column with little regard for grammatical form or editing. Per usual. I know.
This is Variant Covers. Here are the comics I’m excited for this week.
Uncharted 3’s Villainess Revealed. Meet Katherine Marlowe.
Naughty Dog’s revealed the main antagonistic behind Uncharted 3, and she’s a slightly shriveled yet sexy British bitch by the name of Katherine Marlowe. The reveal was dropped onto the gaming public today in a trailer that also featured our boy Nathan in a sexy suit, ready for some back alley action. Read into that phrase as you will.
Hit the jump for the video.
Berlin Street Artists Build Kaleidoscopes To Block Subway Ads.
The future is happening all around us, and we have no fucking idea! Take Berlin. Apparently in Berlin, they’ve eschewed print advertisements in subway stations for projectors to display their ads. In response, a group of Berlin street artists build giant kaleidoscopes to place over said projectors. Take the power back! Or at least the uh, sanctity (?) of subway walls. The minds behind the gag explain:
A couple of months ago, ad-projectors appeared in a Berlin subway station, throwing moving images all over the station walls and lifting visual aggressiveness to a new level. Since the images were projected, we could get between projector and projection to fight this new quality of exaggerated advertisement with its own weapons. Minimalinvasive adbusting devices made of mirrors, magnets and quite some ducktape.
It’s pretty bad ass.
Hit the jump to see them pull it off.
The Adjustment Bureau: Theological SciFi for Romantics
In Philip K. Dick’s 1954 short story “The Adjustment Team,” a dog barks one minute too late, causing a ripple effect that changes the course of the universe. In George Nolfi‘s The Adjustment Bureau, a loose adaptation of Dick’s story, Matt Damon catches a bus he’s supposed to miss and sets off a chain of events that force the men of the bureau to step in. Nolfi’s film is much more a romance than a scifi thriller. It’s exposition-heavy with more conversations than chases and addresses the philosophical catch-22 of predestination versus free will in an attractive little package.
David Norris (Damon) is a charming frontrunner for the New York Senate but while his devil-may-care attitude attracts young voters, it also causes controversy along the campaign trail. While practicing a speech in the men’s room, Norris encounters Elise (Emily Blunt), who got caught crashing a wedding and is hiding out in the bathroom. Sparks fly all over the bathroom and Elise inspires Norris to deliver an overly Blunt speech about how campaigns transform candidates into retarded children who can’t dress themselves. But according to “the plan,” Norris and Elise are never supposed to meet again.
OLOST – John Carpenter’s “Coup de Ville”
John Carpenter’s scored most of his own films. He’s a talented dude like that. But when it comes to singing in a music video for one of his films, he should just chill. Regardless, Big Trouble in Little China fucking rules.
Marvel’s Making An ‘Inhumans’ Movie.
Don’t fret, True Believers. Marvel’s bin of possible comic book adaptations is never, ever going to run dry. Why, just today it’s been discovered that they’re bringing the fucking Inhumans to the big screen.
Grand Theft Auto V Codenamed ‘Rush’, Set In LA?
The bubbling is beginning. Can you feel it percolating underneath the gaming community’s crotch? Soon, all shit Grand Theft Auto V will burst forth, slathering us in ultra-violence and profanity. Today, it inches closer. Apparently some dude named superannuation is a Google wizard, and is most adroit at digging up bullshit. Our boy super has gathered up information regarding a Take-Two Interactive casting call for a project codenamed Rush. Is this shit the GTA V news we’ve been frothing for? The ridiculous cast of FBI agents, yokels, hippies and mobster suggest it really may be! OH shit.
You be the judge.
Monday Morning Commute: Mama Don’t Like Tattletales
[photo by x-ray delta one]
No more than fifteen minutes ago, I came to the startling realization that my wireless connection was conking out. With the mission of delivering the Monday Morning Commute, there was only one choice. A grim, terrifying, dangerous choice.
Sneak into Caffeine Powered’s subterranean lair. Hack into his data-relay system. Deliver the lode. Get the fugg out.
So without further adieu, I present my weekly dose of beautiful brain damage. After checking out what entertainment I’ll be exploring, hit up the comments and share your own prospective travel plans.
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Wondering/Where’s Randy Savage?
[Where’s Randy Savage? Right here. And here. And here.]
Trent Reznor Talks About His Role In Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Thanks to the internet, information travels quickly. Like, really quickly. Which is why despite Trent and director Timur Bekmambetov wanting to keep it a secret, every disaffected emo fanboy and fangirl of Reznor knows that not only is he scoring Abraham: Vampire Hunter, he’s also acting in it. Reznor took to the NIN forums to comment on the insanity.
