Monday Morning Commute: Ms. Americana 1973
I’ll never forget the night I fucked Miss Americana 1973.
We’d met earlier in the evening for some casual drinks. Sitting in the Holo-Lounge, we ran a huge tab and sparred with one another. We both pulled punches, knowing that the other was far too vulnerable to be dealt a true blow. She was as defenseless against my clever quips as I was against her cheekbones and ass. Oh boy, was I defenseless when I was against her ass!
Anyways, banging a supermodel in a space station hotel suite is hardly an event worthy of a bedpost-notching. Hell, the name R. Frankenstein isn’t on three different brands of jetpack-vibrators because my stinky-little-peenie hasn’t gone off-planet. No, I’ll never forget my sexual encounter with Miss Americana 1973 because of what she gave me.
My first LSTD experience.
She had just climaxed, yanking out a clump of my hair and pouring a bottle of Pepsi on my belly (per my request) when I started to feel…off. At first I chalked up the tingling at the back of my head to either coital-bliss or an impending tumor. So I kept feebly thrusting. And the tingling persisted. So I kept feebly thrusting. And the tingling grew stronger. So I kept feebly thrusting. And the tingling turned into music.
And then the walls began melting and Roger Rabbit materialized so that he could tickle my ass and Miss Americana 1973 metamorphosed into a squid-creature that would’ve made even the likes of Lovecraft squirm and cry like a babby and then I began to cum but my dick shot out staples instead of ejaculate but I felt no pain only the wonder of producing steel from my sexual reproductive organ and I had to apologize to my squid-lover of the evening because I had shot staples all over his back but I made sure to clean them up with a rainbow.
When I awoke the next morning, Miss Americana 1973 was nowhere to be found. It seemed that I was completely alone in the suite. But then I closed my eyes and I saw that I had visitors – the spellbinding memories from the night before.
The remembrances of my first sexually-transmitted hallucinogenic experience.
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Hello to all of you – the heroes, bombshells, brats, nerds, Capitalist-hating-Commies, stuntmen, nurses, Commie-hating-Capitalists, post-modern Romantics – that visit Omega-Level? Thissere’s the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE, your spot for sharing the various means by which you’ll survive the workweek. Hit up the comments section and share what you’ll be reading, watching, playing, eating, or listening to this week.
It’s internet show-and-tell at its most dastardly.
DC’s ‘Captain Marvel’ Now Officially Known As ‘Shazam!’, Looks Brooding As Hell
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Video: ‘The Simpsons’ Parodies ‘Game of Thrones’ Intro.
Yeah, I don’t care about The Simpsons, but I’m a gluttonous douche for anything that can stoke my Throner.
Hit the jump for the parody.
‘Darksiders II’ Limited Edition And Collector’s Edition Get Swank Details.
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Hit the jump for a peek into the glory.
Rafael Grampa Does Variant Cover For Brian Wood’s ‘The Massive’ TOO MUCH AWESOME
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Hit the jump to check it out.
Video: The DARPA Cheetah Is The RoboDog Of Our Future Death
What the fuck are we doing here? We’re engineering our own destruction. DARPA is pretty good at building death machines with my tax money, and their latest is goddamn terrifying. The DARPA Cheetah, a dog-looking robot that can run 18 mph. Don’t even both running when the RoboPocalypse hits.
Hit the jump to see your doom in motion.
OH SH*T, ‘MASS EFFECT 3’ IS DROPPING TONIGHT. MY BOOBS ARE SO HARD.
Confession time: I couldn’t sleep last night. More specifically, I couldn’t sleep last night because Mass Effect 3 is coming out tonight.
Pixar’s ‘Brave’ Gets JAPANESE TRAILER: Magic Forest Time
I’m pretty excited for Pixar’s Brave. I don’t spend much meat-shell CPU power thinking about it, the movie lost adrift the plethora of fanboy boner rockets coming out this summer. Then a trailer like this drops, and I’m all. “Oh yeah. Fuck yeah!”, as I recall how hot it is going to be.
Video: Microsoft’s Concept PC Lets You Control Apps With Your Hands In 3D Space
This is just the friggin’ berries right here. Using a Kinect and a transparent 3D display, gurus over at the Micro-soft have created a concept PC that would let you manipulate apps with your hands in a 3D space. Minority Report ++!
Hit the jump to check it out.
BitTorrent Pirates Agree To Switch From Xvid to x264. I Nod Blankly
If you download TV series every once in a while – god condemn you! *cough* – you may notice a change in your file format. The people “responsible for the highest quality, earliest infringing video releases” have come together and decided to dump Xvid for x264. I’m impressed these people have some sort of quorum.













