TROLLING Could Land You 25 Years Of Prison Time In ARIZONA. Woah.
One of the Internet’s favorite activities is the blowing of textual fecal matter over people’s joy. It’s quite essential to many people. Now those in Arizona want to take away one of the few joys left to assholes so empty that they have to ruin others’ fun.
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The trailer for “Ted” dropped today. This is a movie that actually exists.
Mahky-mahk, Russian Babe McGee, and Peter Griffin team up for a movie about a living teddy bear. Yeah, I’ll give you a minute to re-read that. The thing is, Seth MacFarlane is a pretty clever bastard when he wants to be. Remember when Family Guy was good? You know, before he relinquished creative control and then it devolved into Misogyny Weekly? So I actually have semi-high hopes for this. I mean, if anything, it’ll be a raunchy comedy for me to enjoy; I probably laughed way harder than I was supposed to while watching this.
Hit the jump to watch the VERY MUCH NSFW trailer.
On Venus Our Voices Would Sound Like “BASS SMURFS”, Awesome.
Here’s a tidbit upside your head. Professor Tim Leighton and a crack squad at the University of Southampton have calculated what we would sound like on different planets. Provided, you know, we could speak on them. What they’ve found is that humans’ voices would be so alien to us that we’d look physically different.
Video: Arthur C. Clarke Predicts The Internet And Personal Computers. In 1974. I Hate Myself.
Arthur C. Clarke knows how to humble a man. Like many of my heroes, the dude dabbles in a bit of the futurism. Check out this video from 1974 where the good sir predicts the internet and computers. So goddamn awesome.
‘AVENGERS’ Poster: NICK FURY And AGENT COULSON. Or, Who F**king Cares?
Here’s a poster for the Avengers with Nick Fury and Agent Coulson. Legit question: does anyone actually give a fuck about Agent Coulson? I’m genuinely interested.
EXERCISE and CAFFEINE Is (Skin) Cancer-Fighting Combo. I AM IMMORTAL.
Oh god damn! It appears that I have already mastered the one-two punch that’ll crack the ribs of mortality and grant me eternal rockitude. Or at least prevent skin cancer. I can settle for that.
Two New ‘AMAZING SPIDER-MAN’ Promo Clips: Parker Is Kind Of A Dick
Two new promo clips for Amazing Spider-Man have leaked courtesy of cell phone devices. They’re low-quality as shit, but what really strikes me is how much they’re playing up the Parker as humorously dickish. Too much? Dig it? Let me know after you check them out.
Video: How Do Make A SHOTGUN RAINBOW. Like It Sounds, Folks.
Welcome to Bovine America, where shotguns and fast food are going to come stapled to our tits upon birth. Naw man, I shouldn’t stunt. This is goddamn awesome. It’s a moderately attractive female firing a shotgun, generating a rainbow. How can this not be everything George Washington hoped for when he fought the Martians for control of Delaware?
THIS WEEK on Game of Thrones: “The North Remembers”
A long, nine-month wait for the return of Game of Thrones ended with maces and shields smashing together with glorious clamour. All for the entertainment of a boy-king absolutely drunk with the power of the Iron Throne sitting patiently under his lanky, undeserving rear. Patiently, in wait, for numerous contenders ready to raze the world for a chance at it.
An opening image is everything in the cinematic art, even for an episode, or better still a season of television. What does the Hound’s crushing defeat of another soldier tell us about this new season to come? What tone does this scene set for the year?
Bloody fucking contest. Orchestrated violence. Unequal rivals set against one another. The paramount nature of power? A king getting whatever he wants, no matter how he laid claim to the crown.
Littlefinger reminded our good Eddard Stark last year that succession hardly mattered, when Ned pushed for Stannis to claim his elder brother’s throne. After all, Robert took it with Ned’s help by taking it by force from the Mad King. Right, wrong, whatever it was, it was Robert’s throne, and he knew it, even if he bankrupted the realm, and whored and drank his way to an early grave proving it.
Power! A lesson not lost on Joffrey, who writers Weiss and Benioff remind us quickly with their opening scene, is enraptured by power and misusing it grossly. And that he should be justly hated for it.
BROCK LESNAR Hangs An F5 On JOHN CENA’S Dumb Ass
I don’t watch wrestling, but I may need to start. I know The Rock is back, and just today I had this video emailed to me from Patrick Bateman OL’s programmer and resident sociopath. I genuinely enjoy Brock Lesnar as a super-douche hyper-real humanoid character, and I’ve always wanted to lay a stink on John Cena for ruining one of the greatest things in the world: jorts.
Hit the jump to watch Lesnar blast the choad with a ferocity unmatched by anywhere the seven winds cover.
