EXERCISE and CAFFEINE Is (Skin) Cancer-Fighting Combo. I AM IMMORTAL.

Oh god damn! It appears that I have already mastered the one-two punch that’ll crack the ribs of mortality and grant me eternal rockitude. Or at least prevent skin cancer. I can settle for that.

Gizmodo:

This is the study that many of us have been waiting for: exercise combined with caffeine will greatly reduce your risk of skin cancer caused by sun exposure.

Well perhaps not those of us averse to exercise. But scientists in New Jersey have found that mice who logged plenty of hamster wheel time and ingested lots of caffeine had a 62 percent lower incidence of cancer tumors than those who were lazy and remained uncaffeinated. And the volume of the tumors that did develop was 85 percent smaller.

“I believe we may extrapolate these findings to humans and anticipate that we would benefit from these combination treatments as well,” said Yao-Ping Lu, an associate research professor of chemical biology and director of skin cancer prevention at the Rutgers Ernest Mario School of Pharmacy in Piscataway, New Jersey, who presented the findings on Tuesday at the annual  American Association for Cancer Research. He believes the key to the cancer fighting combo is that overall, it reduces inflammation.

And even those of you who’d just as soon imbibe your caffeinated beverages without getting up from the couch can take comfort in the findings. Caffeine alone reduced tumors by 27 percent and tumor size by 61 percent. Also exciting is the fact that these mice lost weight despite being fed a high-fat diet. The rodents’ “parametrial fat pad” weight decreased by 30 percent without exercise.

Mice that exercised but didn’t have caffeine saw 35 percent fewer tumors and 40 percent smaller ones. They also reduced their fat pad by 63 percent.

We will just ignore the fact that the diet soda I consume is packed with so many chemicals it is assuredly growing tumors while fighting them at the same time. No worries. None at all. I have it on good (no) authority that the wondrous powers of Diet Dew will grant me something like telekinesis, more akin to early death.