#Video Games
Jersey Shore Reimagined As An Old School RPG? Amazing.
College Humor brings an amazing representation of the Jersey Shore as an old school RPG. Fucking amazing. Jersey Shore is the future, Final Fantasy IV is the past. When the two worlds collide, time and space ripple momentarily, before embracing the awesomeness that is the contradiction.
Hit the jump to check out the video, skank.
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I Met Dragon Age: Origins Finally. It’s Ruining My Life.
Somehow a fucking BioWare RPG escaped my notice last year. Or rather, I saw it, and I thought to myself “I can live without playing it.” Even I cannot explain my train of thought sometimes. Well, I fucking got into it lately, and I’ve come to a simple conclusion: my perceived apathy towards it was actually an internal survival mechanism. For after borrowing it from The Dude, I have begun playing it, and the hours have begun to melt away. One hour, two hour, three hours, and I’m sitting in a caffeinated trance, stabbing darkspawn like the baddest motherfucker ever.
It takes a lot to get me to sit down for more than an hour with a video game anymore. Even games that I dig usually have me playing with something resembling restraint. However, not Dragon Age. It’s like Lord of the Rings-themed crack. Straight up the nerd pipe.
I fucking dreamt about it last night. That shit used to be reserved for Diablo II and World of Warcraft. The sound of spells rocketing through my slumber.
Fucking Dragon Age. You gorgeous son of a bitch.
In Dream Club Zero For the Xbox 360, You Stuff Your Sausages Into Little Girl Hostesses
God damn, Japan. You guys are out of your fucking mind. Behold Dream Club Zero, for the Xbox 360. Dropping in Japan later this year, the “dating simulation” allows you to pump sausages into eerily prepubescent chicks. Sounds like a regular date of yours? You’re probably on a red-worded list somewhere. Nothing says dating like molesting little girls with a fucking bratwurst. Good god damn.
New Duke Nukem Forever Footage Features Cocks, Monsters, Piss. VOTE: YES.
God damn, Duke Nukem. How have you so fiercely gripped my underdeveloped psyche and shoved it into a video game? It’s tremendous. This gameplay dropped, and it features everything that someone like me would want in a game. Juvenile behavior, nonsensical profanity for no good reason, and killing things. Yeah dude, it’s totally pandering to the lowest common denominator. And there is a lot of us.
Hit the jump for the footage.
Link To Lost Woods: Fug You, I Got GPS Bitches!
Source: zero-lives via Gamefreaks
God damn, I always hated finding my way out of those fucking woods.
Steve Wiebe Leaps Barrel of Douche to Reclaim Donkey Kong Record!
Back in July, the Spicy Mulleted Maestro of Gaming Evil, Billy Mitchell, reclaimed the Donkey Kong high score record. Dude posted a 1,062,800 on the same day that he was inducted into the Video Game Hall of Fame. Mitchell, as made famous by the documentary The King of Kong is a real life villain. In that sort of cool, Darth Vader with a sexy haircut style. Brash, pimpin’, owner of his own line of hot sauce, and not really giving a fuck. I know there’s a lot to do about how fairly a documentary sets up a narrative as accurately reflecting reality but who cares.
‘Cause over the weekend, good prevailed. Well-manufactured, carefully edited good. But dammit, we need our narratives, don’t we?
Steve Wiebe, the average dude and dorky school teacher reclaimed the mantle from ole Willy Mitchell. Wiebe dropped a thunderous 1,064,500 point-effort back on August 20, and it was confirmed a couple of days ago.
How fantastic is this shit? The battle between the two of them was captured in said documentary, and it continues to rage to this day. You just know that somewhere, when Mitchell found out, he immediately pimp-slapped one of his lackeys who was giving him a pedicure and busted ass towards one of the last standing Chuck E. Cheese’s to try and topple Steve.
I love the entire thing. I love Mitchell, his swagger, and his awesome hair. I love how he embraces his role as villain. And as a frumpy dork like Wiebe, I actively root for him with all my bleeding heart. The two of them are engaged in some epic shit.
The Last Guardian Trailer Drops At TGS; We’re Not Worthy, But We’ll Take It.
Team ICO has dropped Ico and Shadow of the Colossus on our asses. And while we’re not worthy of either of these beauties, and we have paid for those inadequacies in heart-wrenching tears, I think it’s safe to say that we’re all clamoring for the team’s next release: The Last Guardian. Info about the title has been sparse like my nuts are stank, but today at the Tokyo Game Show, Sony dropped a trailer. It’s gorgeous. Prepare to feel the beauty, yo. Hit the jump to check out the video.
Asura’s Wrath Takes A Crap On Your Most Anticipated Game – Good Lord.
Alright Capcom, what the fuck is this shit? I just crapped my pants and puked all over my keyboard watching your trailer for Asura’s Wrath. It is among the most insane things I’ve ever seen, and makes my previous fapping over Shadows of the Damned look fucking antiquated and misplaced. Asura’s Wrath’s trailed needs to be watched to appreciate. Nothing like a good chap fighting an entire army while getting impaled by hundreds of spears. Not to cut him some slack, his enemy then summons a fucking god that brings the finger of death from outer space to lay an ass-whupping. Just watch this fucking trailer after the jump.
Shadows of the Damned Is Resident Evil + No More Heroes = Nergasm.
Jesus Christ. This shit came out of nowhere for me. Suda 51 (No More Heroes) and Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil 4, amongst 3,000 other things) are teaming-up to form the video game equivalent of the WWF’s Two Dudes With Attitudes. We’ll figure out who is Diesel and who is HBK later. Today at TGS they dropped the trailer for their game, Shadows of the Damned, which is amongst other things, fucking awesome, and ridiculous. Hit the jump to check out the trailer.
You’re welcome for the genital engorgement that follows.
