#Video Games
Dude Chooses Marvel Vs Capcom 3 Over A Threesome. Dedication.
Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 dropped the midnight after Valentine’s Day. With that in mind, this is probably one example of a nearly infinite number. Meet Woolie. Instead of partaking in a threesome, dude went and snagged his copy of the game.
I know the natural reaction is OMFG DUDE WUT!, but the more I think about it, the more complicated it gets. First, would it have been his first threesome? If no, then obviously MvC3. Second, were these chicks cool, or were they drunk and going to be puking red wine and bananas all over one another. (This may actually be a ++ to some.) And finally, is a man’s craft and obsession to be thrown away at a moment’s notice to pursue pleasures of the flesh?
Where do I land? I land in the “almost unfathomably improbable to personally contemplate.”
Hit the jump for Woolie explaining it all.
No Comments
Gears of War 3 Gets An Official Release Date!; September 20, It’s Fuggin’ On.
Get your dick nice and hard! Adrenaline-pumping, adolescent chainsaw death raging fuckery! Gears of War 3 has a release date. This son of a bitch is dropping September 20, 2011. I can’t fucking wait. It’s been too long since I suited up as a nice meatheaded HGH-looking motherfucker and taken out some locuts with my giant raging bladed phallus.
Get some!
Video Game That’s Controlled By French Kissing? Rock.
The world continues to astound. We are now privy to a planet that has a video game that is controlled by french kissing.
Kotaku:
Hye Yeon Nam has found a way for people to control a bowling video game by French kissing. Kissing and playing video games were just never fun enough on their own, now were they?
Even watching a video of the Kiss Controller in spit-swapping action doesn’t quite make it clear how putting your tongue in the mouth of someone you like can make you a better video game bowler. Thankfully, on her site, artist Hye Yeon Nam explains how things work:
“One person has a magnet on his/her tongue and the other person wears the headset. While they kiss, the person who has the magnet on his/her tongue, controls the direction and speed of the bowling ball for 20 seconds. The goals of this game are to guide the ball so that it maintains an average position in the center of the alley and to increase the speed of the ball by moving the tongue faster while kissing.”
Let us never say that impracticality stopped us from inventing things.
Hit the jump for this Ninth Wonder in motion.
Mass Effect 2 ‘Arrival’ DLC Is Coming Soon! Praise Odin’s Gaping Eye Socket.
Mass Effect 2 was recently patched for the PlayStation 3, and said patch may have tipped BioWare’s upcoming DLC hand. Fuck yes! Want to know more? Hit the jump where the trophy descriptions have some mild spoilers. I’m spanking.
‘DEAD SPACE 2’ HOODIE is a gorgeous Clarke homage.
One of my favorite parts of the Dead Space series is upgrading my suits. There’s something about the clinking and clacking of armor coming together that milks the techno-g spot. Every time that gorgeous salt and pepper bastard Clarke gets an upgrade, I get a little dribbly
Artist machine56 understands this, and designed a hoodie based around Clarke’s advanced suit. Now it isn’t real yet, but Jesus Fucking Christ I would pay good money to garb myself in it.
Hit the jump for the pure swank.
Billy Mitchell Opens A “King of Kong” Arcade. Pro Mode Douche!
Billy Mitchell may not be the literal king of Donkey Kong anymore. But that doesn’t stop the enterprising motherfucker from cashing in on the flick that made him the biggest douchebag awesometron Vader motherfucker in the video game world. No sir. Mitchell has opened a King of Kong-themed arcade at the Orlando International Airport. Most amazing part of the entire arcade? According to Joystiq, “there’s not a Donkey Kong arcade machine to be found within the joint.”
As they pontificate, he probably doesn’t want his already-crushed record to once again be usurped within the confines of his own establishment.
Mitchell is awesome. This is only further proof.
Press Start!: Zombies Got Nothing On The Great Gatsby.
Man, Princess Peach is getting fucking hefty these days. She’s always cooped up in some fucking dungeon. Stuck in a cell with nothing to do but wait for the Koopa family to run the train on her and then go fight that fucking persistent plumber. No shit she’s going to eat her feelings.
This is Press Start! A lightning bolt of stupidity directly into your thinking-pipes, your winding brain machinery. In this column I give a rundown of five things that caught my attention in the world of gaming this week. The list is half-baked, poorly-constructed, and subject to my whimsy. Don’t see something you dug? Good, hit the comments box. Let us have some constructive dialogue.
—-
#1: Kinect Hack Creates A Superman VR Simulator.
It has to be at least two fucking weeks since I mentioned a Kinect hack. Two weeks. In the span of the video game universe, that’s practically an eternity. No doubt there’s a plethora of content out there, but nothing has been catching my eye. Until this. A good collection of dudes over at the University of Amsterdam got together and hacked the shit out of Kinect to produce a Superman VR simulator. No doubt they were getting lit in their Fortress of Solitude on some of the goods those Dutch have appropriately liberated and came up with the concept.
This thing doesn’t just come off as Oh Hey Neat Idea!, it actually seems fun to play. With a solid Super Fistpump, you take to the skies. And depending on which side of the VR goggles you tap, you either activate your Frost Breath or Heat Vision.
I know that I’m totally dorking out on my love for this shit. Admitted. Guilty. Throw some spandex on me and send me into combat. However, I can’t be as lame as PS3 hacker Geohot. The same dude who let the world see the PS3 rootkey spent this week conjuring up a white boy diss track aimed at Sony. It’s all fun and games until you’re sodomized by the katana of Sony’s robot ninjas, duder.
—-
#2: Former Director of GTA Planning Game Based On Iranian Revolution.
Navid Khonsari is a man who knows a thing or two about generating controversy through video game narrative. Motherfucker was the director of GTA III, Vice City, and San Andreas. So yeah, the guy has caught some heat in his day. Say what you will about the actual content of the games, the dude has weathered the storm, and persisted in telling his tales. Even with that in mind, I have to ruminate on the thunderously large set of testicles he has for attempting his next game. Khonsari wants to make a game about the Iranian Revolution of 1979, and the hostage crisis that surrounded.
Like I said, brass balls.
Khonsari spoke with Joystiq, and elaborated on his vision:
Khonsari described 1979 as a “social political game” that, in addition to open-world, sandbox environments, could feature “strategy elements with the use of AI combatants.” Once in Iran, additional player-controlled characters would be introduced, “allowing you the ability to play a number of different roles,” he added of the game’s lofty design goals. And he wasn’t finished: “The multiplayer aspect is something I am really excited about, but is still in the works.”
If it was executed well, it could be a concentration of video game rock. If there was a seriousness to it that concentrated on using the facets of gaming to execute framework for telling a unique spin on the tale, it could be something special. Or, it could be the usual hyperviolence nonsense that we got from GTA III. Call me an optimist.
Diablo III Originally Took Place In Heaven; Here’s Some Screens.
If there’s a God – and there’s probably not – we’ll be playing Diablo III this year. I’ve been sweating this game since the first expansion pack for Diablo 2. There’s been a fucking ten year dry spell. I need more Diablo III, and I need it now. What the fuck has taken so long? We may finally have an answer. This week, shit has leaked out regarding a canceled iteration of DIII.
Kotaku:
Blizzard North’s vision for the third entry hewed closely to the previous entry in visual tone as the series made the jump from 2D to 3D graphics.
More than a dozen screen shots of an early version of Diablo III shows three environments: Keep, Angelic Lands and Heaven. In Heaven, it appears the player was destined to run into some familiar Archangels, with an appearance by Tyrael.
As for the class of the character, it appears to be a fighter equipped with sword and shield, with a style that reminds us of the Paladin or a Crusader.
Hit the jump for a shitfuckton of screens from this Diabortion.
New Arkham City Screens! The Joker and Cleavage!
Every batch of Arkham City screens features at least one image pimping some glorious cleavage or latex bound babe. This is crop is no exception, and I think we all know how pleased I am with it. Oh yeah, the Joker is in it too.
Hit the jump for some new looks at the bonerfying sequel to Asylum.
Kinect Hacked To Create Superman VR Simulator. A Man Can Fly!
Throw a fucking rock! If you don’t hit your nana, a small child, an animal, or a building, you’ll probably hit a fucking Kinect hack. They’re like, totally blasé at this point. Not this one though. Three dudes at the University of Amsterdam got together and hacked the Kinect to make a fucking Superman VR simulator. Hell yeah. That’s right. The dudes with fucking stunning names – Daniel Karavolos, Sicco van Sas, and Maarten van der Velden – just upped the game.
You throw on some fucking goggles, and control Superman with your body gestures. Tapping the VR goggles in according spots will trigger Heat Vision and Frost Breath. It’s dope as fuck.
Hit the jump to check it out in motion.
