#Video Games
Ninja Gaiden 3 Teaser Is A Bloody Mess; Get It?
Team Ninja dropped a teaser for Ninja Gaiden 3 today, and it is as ridiculously violent as the series itself. Taken from a first person point of view, our boy Ryu hacks the viewer to death, replete with blood and guts ahoy. Color me excited.
Hit the jump for the video.
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Domain Registrations Point Towards Grand Theft Auto V.
Hold the fuck on! There’s going to be another Grand Theft Auto? Why, I figured after the four games, the side-games, the episodic releases, and the portable titles or whatever, the series would have been wrapped up in a neat bow. Now you’re telling me that an obvious cash cow is going to get another installment? This, this startles me. So much for artistic integrity. What sort of proof are we looking at?
How about a bunch of domain registrations that are slathered in Rockstar’s typical satirical bite.
This Mass Effect 3 Fan Art Is Pro Mode.
Artist Patryk Olejniczak has rocked my tits with some ludicrously pretty Mass Effect art. The works, framed as promotional pieces for Mass Effect 3 are some of the best “fan” art I’ve seen for a game. Ever. Over at Kotaku, he’s quoted as saying his goal for these digital paintings was to “to make one of the best [pieces of] fan art (which would also work as promo or poster art) to be had”.
Well done.
Hit the jump for the gallery.
REVIEW: Bulletstorm
[Alright, so check it. This review is by The Faux Bot and originally written for Mad Gear Solid. When I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to finish the game in time, I asked him if he’d want to syndicate his shit. He said yes. Faux Bot is a genius, scholar, and friend of the site. He’s also funnier than me, and Mad Gear Solid is our spiritual twin from over on the other site of the pond. So go to fucking Mad Gear Solid, or die by a flaming sword draped in profanity and hate.]
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Here is a list of some words that make me think of Bulletstorm; squelch, slam, gush, firework, meat, erupt, anal, cavity, spurt, squish, rupture, forced, insertion, sack, giblets, cram, innards, gullet, crunch, drill, impale, tear, bore, flesh, sever, penetrate. These are but a few, however, they perfectly illustrate the amusing meta-game that I’ve created inside my juvenile mind. I like to re-arrange the words as you would with those amusing novelty fridge magnets —you know the kind- so that I can make deliciously witty and outrageous phrases that help me to decide on how to orchestrate my upcoming blood-bath.FORCIBLY INSERT ANAL DRILL and it’s done.
Nintendo Wii Getting A Swingers Game; ‘We Dare’. Game On!
BORED AS FUCK WITH YOUR LONGTERM COMMITMENT? DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS WHO WANT YOUR WIFE OR HUSBAND’S HOLES? You’re in lucky, plucky naughty people. Nintendo’s Wii is getting a motherfuckin’ thinly veiled orgy igniter in the form of the game “We Dare.” As they say in the Southwest Airlines commercials, “Grab your boobs and cocks, it’s on!”
Let’s look a bit more in-depth as this Sure To Be Marriage Destroyer.
Trailer For New Street Fighter Documentary Gets Me Tinglin’.
I know there’s a shitload of documentaries about video games and particularly about Street Fighter. I know there’s a shitload of amazing Street Fighter players out there, too many for me to recall. Is Mike Ross one of them? I don’t know the scene well enough to judge. I know the usual names like Justin Wong and others but I’m not sure where Ross stands.
Whatever the case, this trailer for the upcoming documentary FOCUS by Steve Hwang was fucking fantastic. The movie follows Ross for one summer as he tries and rock out in the professional Street Fighter scene. The trailer hits all the beats you need to make your tits hard. We’ve got man as underdog, man flounders, man perhaps triumphs. It’s what makes King of Kong so fucking good; the protagonist is talented, but you’re not sure if he’s good enough to claim the prize. Dramatic tension ensues! The trailer did good to highlight this deft narrative choice.
I can’t wait, this trailer got me stoked to catch this shit.
Hit the jump to check it out.
Dude Chooses Marvel Vs Capcom 3 Over A Threesome. Dedication.
Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 dropped the midnight after Valentine’s Day. With that in mind, this is probably one example of a nearly infinite number. Meet Woolie. Instead of partaking in a threesome, dude went and snagged his copy of the game.
I know the natural reaction is OMFG DUDE WUT!, but the more I think about it, the more complicated it gets. First, would it have been his first threesome? If no, then obviously MvC3. Second, were these chicks cool, or were they drunk and going to be puking red wine and bananas all over one another. (This may actually be a ++ to some.) And finally, is a man’s craft and obsession to be thrown away at a moment’s notice to pursue pleasures of the flesh?
Where do I land? I land in the “almost unfathomably improbable to personally contemplate.”
Hit the jump for Woolie explaining it all.
Gears of War 3 Gets An Official Release Date!; September 20, It’s Fuggin’ On.
Get your dick nice and hard! Adrenaline-pumping, adolescent chainsaw death raging fuckery! Gears of War 3 has a release date. This son of a bitch is dropping September 20, 2011. I can’t fucking wait. It’s been too long since I suited up as a nice meatheaded HGH-looking motherfucker and taken out some locuts with my giant raging bladed phallus.
Get some!
Video Game That’s Controlled By French Kissing? Rock.
The world continues to astound. We are now privy to a planet that has a video game that is controlled by french kissing.
Kotaku:
Hye Yeon Nam has found a way for people to control a bowling video game by French kissing. Kissing and playing video games were just never fun enough on their own, now were they?
Even watching a video of the Kiss Controller in spit-swapping action doesn’t quite make it clear how putting your tongue in the mouth of someone you like can make you a better video game bowler. Thankfully, on her site, artist Hye Yeon Nam explains how things work:
“One person has a magnet on his/her tongue and the other person wears the headset. While they kiss, the person who has the magnet on his/her tongue, controls the direction and speed of the bowling ball for 20 seconds. The goals of this game are to guide the ball so that it maintains an average position in the center of the alley and to increase the speed of the ball by moving the tongue faster while kissing.”
Let us never say that impracticality stopped us from inventing things.
Hit the jump for this Ninth Wonder in motion.
Mass Effect 2 ‘Arrival’ DLC Is Coming Soon! Praise Odin’s Gaping Eye Socket.
Mass Effect 2 was recently patched for the PlayStation 3, and said patch may have tipped BioWare’s upcoming DLC hand. Fuck yes! Want to know more? Hit the jump where the trophy descriptions have some mild spoilers. I’m spanking.
