#Video Games
Holy taint! ‘BLACK MESA’ scheduled to drop on September 14.
Announced in 2004, Black Mesa has become something of a white whale. The fan-driven remake of the original Half-Life has gone quietly about its business for eight years, while the rest of us wonder how legitimacy of the project. Let us no longer question such things. The son of a bitch has a drop date.
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‘METAL GEAR SOLID: GROUND ZEROES’ TRAILER: You will believe Snake can f**king own again.
Snake is alive and sexy. Fox Engine is ridiculous. I can’t wait. Check the trailer. Fap to this.
Wut: ‘RESIDENT EVIL 6’ copies already in the hands of assholes in Poland. F**k,
Fucking copies of Resident Evil 6 are running the towns of Poland. They don’t give no shits. A month until street date? Fuck that. Fuck you! They’re in the wild. Shitting on your lawns. Infecting your video game systems.
‘METAL GEAR SOLID: GROUND ZEROES’ is an open-world prologue to MGS5. Infinite Scissors 61!
For some reason I’m stoked for Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes. Intellectually, I know I shouldn’t be. MGS4 shit in my soul. Right deep down in there. However, I’ll float Kojima the past. Homeboy is bringing this newest title into an open-world, and he is paying it forward and giving me a younger Snake. I’m sold. Okay? Sold.
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ Trailer: A guided tour of death and style.
With Borderlands 2 quickly approaching, it’s time to acclimate ourselves to its world and changes. That’s where Sir Hammerlock comes in quite handy. Let the hunter, scholar, and gentleman show you around the gorgeous killing fields.
Press Start: Memes and Self-Loathing in Cyberspace
Welcome to Press Start! You know the drill: I regurgitate stories that I hope you haven’t already read whilst I simultaneously resist the urge to talk about my junk and flog myself for being such a hack. Join me. Oh, it’s about video games, I mentioned that, right?
‘STREET FIGHTER’ turned 25 today. Good lord, these bones.
Good golly Ms. Molly, I’m fucking old. Street Fighter turned 25 today, underscoring why I should no longer be confused by my receding hairline or mildly arthritic knees.
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ SEASON PASS ANNOUNCED. $30 for all DLC. I’m thurr.
The Money Making Minds behind Borderlands 2 have announced a season pass for the upcoming title. Such a swag bag will entitle you to all of the game’s DLC for a mere $30. I’m not a computational wizard, but that shit is at least 50% off what you’d have to spend to buy it as it came out. As a dorkus who was going to snag all of the DLC and rub it so, so, so lovingly all over my own shanty towns, I’m excited.
‘METAL GEAR SOLID: GROUND ZEROES’ announced. Sexy Snake is back, yo!
People attending the Metal Gear 25th anniversary event were lucky enough to catch a glimpse at the next MGS jam. The game is titled Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes, and if the teaser footage is any indication, we’re getting sexy Snake back. I’m pumped. Don’t get me wrong, having Snake as an old wizened piece of shit in MGs4 made sense thematically. Emotionally, it was a drag carrying his old fart balls around.
Square Enix launches COREONLINE, a new cloud gaming service. Why?
Square Enix likes to laugh at us after farting a sugary dollop of turd on our tongue. This is evident. They could be doing so many fruitful things, but instead they’re making Final Fantasy XIII-3: Lightning Knickers and launching cloud gaming services. It is evident there are no fucks given around those headquarters.
