GameStop makes a lot of its money off duping scrubs like me into giving them my used games, and flipping the piggies for something comfortably close to the original price. If Sony has its way, this entire ecosystem of fanboy and fangirl exploitation is going to dry up like a motherfucker. Naturally, this has sent GameStop into a panic. You can find it running in circles, proclaiming the end of doom. Follow the  shouts until you find the man clad in horse skin, mouth slathered with gravy.

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Goddamn, the original Xbox was a garish piece of bloat. Even this super rare collector’s edition version of the system is nasty. Don’t take too much offense, Xbox. I loved you. Well, sort of. I played a lot of Halo on you, and that has to count for something. Though, if I’m being truthful I never thought your predecessor would be one of my favorite systems of all time, but the Universe is tricky! I digress. Here is a ridiculous collector’s item. Go. Buy it. Mail it to me.

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It’s no surprise that most of my favoured games this year are download-only: games free of the constraints of large publishing deals and the costs of physical media. I like those physical artifacts as much as the next self-respecting hoarder, but when it comes to gaming and the creativity that I’ve seen flourish within the digital marketplace, it seems all the more difficult to pine for the past. The future of gaming is increasingly digital, independent and passionate: a fact well-displayed by some of the better releases this year. As Bobby Kotick plots to overthrow Steam, kill Gabe Newell and eat his heart to gain his strength, let us celebrate the games of 2012.

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I don’t get you, Minecraft. But I want to. Oh, I so do. I don’t get how someone created Super Mario Bros. 1-1 within your walls, but that doesn’t matter. It is still damn impressive.

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An enterprising gentleman by the user name of Rig on Soundcloud has taken the various Reaper sounds from the Mass Effect series and smashed them together to create a wonderful cacophony. The track also confirms that dubstep does, in fact, sound like the robot apocalypse.

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Ho-ho-ho! Jesus Christ why did I type that. Moving along. Here are some new screens of Grand Theft Auto V, reminding you what gaming glory awaits us now that Mayan Apocalypse has passed.

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As the year draws to an end, we all get to reminisce about the gaming highs and lows throughout. Everybody is doing it: no-one escapes the end-of-year lists. They may have different names and irregular structures, but no-one is truly above this ceaseless list-making. Why do I care? Maybe it’s because all the real writers are so busy making their lists that they’ve forgotten to give me any news to regurgitate.

I’m delving deep and brushing off the gaming news artefacts. Then I’m gonna spruce them up for you: just like I was Dr. Alan Grant.

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How is this for an unlikely pairing. The creator of Minecraft and the bombastic owner of the Dallas Mavericks have combined forces to drop half a milli in order to help reform software patents. By the Lords of Kobol, with these sorts of pairings nothing is impossible!

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Isn’t this a stunning batch of ninja excellence. Thieves have stolen 7,000 Wii U consoles from a warehouse in Seattle. I don’t know how you flip that many hot Wii Us, but I will save that figuring-outing for the people brash enough to run such a heist.

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I’m not watching this. However, I’m presenting you with the opportunity. Do you dare to spoil?

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