#Video Games
NINTENDO announces ‘2DS’; it’s like the ‘3DS’ but lacking a dimension.
Nintendo has announced the 2DS. It’s an ugly ass rendition of their 3DS, but you know. Without the third dimension. This is actually sort of neat to me, because I’ve always been interested in Nintendo’s current handheld. I just didn’t really give a shit about the three-dimensions. Unfortunately, this 2Dimensional-S is also ugly as sin.
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Sony may have accidentally revealed ‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ on the PS4. DUN GOOFED!
Sony done fucked up. That’s all I’m saying. No way can you convince me those dildo-heads over at the PlayStation Palace didn’t accidentally reveal Grand Theft Auto V for the PS4.
SON OF A BITCH: GAMESTOP MANAGERS getting PS4 & SEVEN GAMES AT LAUNCH.
How quickly can I infiltrate the ranks of GameStop? I must walk among them, showing prowess at peddling bullshit warranties and slamming pre-orders down customers’ throats. For if I can ascend to manager by November 15, I will get myself a free PS4.
Press Start: Life of Crime
My neon-lit, arcade childhood was a world where winners didn’t do drugs and the baddest kind of dudes were the ones that ended up rescuing the president. A generation of regular Snake Plisskens. Now, one of the most anticipated games of the entire generation looms on the horizon, but GTA V isn’t offering us the chance to be a hero, rather, it’s giving us the chance to be the criminal badass of our dreams. There’s no denying it: being a criminal is a shit-load of fun.
PLAYSTATION 4 RELEASE DATE ANNOUNCED: NOV. 15 LIKE WUT.
It’s been dated! The arrival of the PlayStation Computing Station-Fourth! Begin pinching your pennies and hocking your seminal fluids and other reproductive goods. You have until the middle of this November.
Rumor: EVERY XBOX ONE in Europe coming with a copy of ‘FIFA 14’ free.
I don’t know the non-American football well. At all. However, I do know that them fuckers in Europe are bonkers for it. In fact, isn’t FIFA like the top selling franchise? So the fact that the XBONE is going to come with a free copy seems pretty fucking impressive to me. Like if they dropped the console in America packaged with Call of Battlefield: Modern Ops and a twelve-pack of Dew.
Sony dropping PLAYSTATION 4 release plans on August 20. TELL ME.
Dear Sony: I have you all prepped to take my money. The PS4 has been pre-purchased on Amazon. My frothing desire mounts. Now just tell me when the fucking console is dropping.
Life-Sized Jack from ‘MASS EFFECT 3 is Papercraft Brilliance.
I say goddamn! An intrepid soul has created a life-sized Jack from Mass Effect 3. Now while I generally create my life-sized totems out of butter, leaves from an oak tree, and seminal fluids, this superior geek took a more esoteric route. Paper.
Cliff Bleszinski continues TEASING NEW IP.
Just what the fuck is Dude Huge making here? Cliffy B has continued teasing a new IP, and frankly judging from the images dropped I have nary a clue as to the genre of the title.
Press Start: Chauvinist Heartbreak Edition
Life, as I’ve come to learn, is often a cruel minefield of disappointment; full of strategically placed traps and the worst kind of surprises. Naturally, I’ve gravitated towards video games: a hobby that offers me a portal into worlds in which I can at least wield some modicum of control. Even when I fuck it all up, there’s a second chance. Still, these worlds aren’t without heartbreak, they still host plenty of the kind of girls your mother warned you about.
