[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

Daryl Millar spent this particular Monday night sleeplessly staring at his bedroom ceiling. Despite what many would call a more-than successful day, Daryl couldn’t shake a feeling of discontent. Something much weightier was on the horizon.

Treating a friend to pizza. Getting a girl’s phone number. Enjoyable activities. But it was learning one of his grandfather’s secret origins that induced the temporary insomnia. Gramps’ tale wasn’t an anecdote or a flapping of the gums.

It was a revelation.

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Max Headroom is one of the most bizarre creations imported to American television in our lifetime. He poked his unholy prosthetic head onto Cinemax in 1986 by way of British TV and quickly began stuttering his way to stardom. Headroom (played by Matt Frewer – who portrayed Moloch in Watchmen) actually has a pretty sweet backstory. I barely remembered what he was all about, but after watching his awesome Christmas special I did some Wiki research. It’s like the best cyberpunk tale never written by William Gibson:

The film introduces Edison Carter (Matt Frewer), a television reporter trying to expose corruption and greed. In the movie, reporter Carter discovers that his employer, Network 23, has created a new form of subliminal advertising (termed “blip-verts”) that can be fatal to certain viewers.

While attempting to flee the network headquarters with proof, Edison suffers a serious head injury, caused by striking a low-clearance sign labeled “Max. Headroom”. Believing him killed, the network’s chief executive orders Bryce Lynch, an adolescent genius working as a scientist for Network 23, to digitally record Carter’s mind. The recording will then be used to create a computer-based replacement for Carter in order to hide his death.

It only gets b-b-better, folks, and I’ll tie this all into Christmas after the break!

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My name is Ian Drinkwater. I am not a remarkable human being. The older I get, the more I accept this. However, being unremarkable, I often think of ways to temporarily boost my self-esteem. A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I needed to complete a Test of Strength (Fat Ass Consumption.)

Being a calorie junkie bent on obesity, combated only by trips to the gym, I decided that I could eat two diner specials from a local joint my band of pederasts, perverts, and horrified girlfriends occasionally visit. What exactly is a diner special? I’m glad you asked. Here’s a video of Pederast Extreme, coder and funder of Omega Level, Senor Poppycock Gravel Dick explaining it. (Sorry dude, this video is going up.)

I decided the only way to justify my continued existence was to eat two of these. The idea was borne from a trip to the diner a couple of weeks ago, when I cleaned up one special, and proceeded to eat half of Poppycock’s. It seemed easy.

It was not.

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When all is said and done, I enjoyed this season of Dexter. It started off weak as fuck, rallied for a good four or five episodes, and then last night, it ended. However, the more I think about the season, the more I’m not really sure what the fucking point of it was. You can disagree, and tell me there really doesn’t have to be a point, and maybe you’re right. But after twelve episodes, did we really actually go anywhere with Dexter? Take a ride on my disco stick and we’ll talk this one through.

Debbie Deb and the Grand Vigilantism
Last night’s episode asshole-clenching climaxed when Deb stumbled upon Dexter and Lumen as they cleaned up Camp Stab and Rape. I was certain at that moment that one of two things was going to happen. Either Deb was going to have Lumen and Dexter arrested, or she was going to realize it was Lumen and Dexter and let them go. You know, Huey Lewis and the News shit! The power of love! What actually happened? A cop-out that let her appreciate Dexter’s vengeful spirit without actually forcing her to confront him.

The cop copped out! Rimshot!

Also, maybe I’m making mountains out of mole hills, but I didn’t get what Deb at the very end of the episode when she said to Dexter “Yeah man, aren’t you totally relieved now that it’s all over?” Is she hinting that she knows about him? Or is it just a general comment on the whole situation? Or the rudderless season? Maybe Deb finding out about Dexter is the Jim and Pam moment of the show. Once they cross that threshold, it’s all downhill from there. The sociopathic equivalent of the Impossible Couple finally canoodling.

I made the mistake of actually reading criticism of the show before writing this (I usually blather first, read second), and some people are perturbed by how quickly Deb found Camp Rape and Stab. Really? The entire show has been running on magical IMPLAUSIBILITY DUST that powers everything. All the narrative mechanics and storyline happenings have been sprinkled by it for this season. That’s what happens when the showrunner of this Dexter comes from 24. Those screen writers actually pioneered implausibility dust.

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Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us.

That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.

Three decades ago today, Mark David Chapman shot and killed John Lennon in an attempt to actualize the wishes of Holden Caulfield. Thereon, December 8th became a somber day for anyone who appreciates music and hates shitty literary interpretations.

Unfortunately, this day became even more ominous six years ago as Dimebag Darrell was murdered onstage by a crazed fan. Slinging the axe for Pantera, Dimebag helped craft a brand of metal that held complete domination over the 1990s. While long-heralded heavy metal gods began experimenting with blues-riffs and mascara, Pantera maintained their dedication to savage thrashin’ and soulful groovin’. In fact,   they only became more aggressive – which is ridiculous, considering that they kicked off the decade with Cowboys from Hell.

What strikes me most about Dimebag’s playing is the originality and conviction. There is no mistaking a Dimebag Darrell riff, whether it’s one of the machine-gun facsimiles that punches you in the gut or one of the chunky stutter-steps that greets you at the party and convinces you to funnel a beer. His six-string prowess was, in a word, jaw-dropping.

Hit the jump to check out some of my favorite Dimebag moments.

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Welcome back to the Cage Match, Omega Level’s weekly column on the actor who owes $6 million in taxes and is somehow not in prison: Nicolas Cage. Anticipation for the grossly delayed Season of the Witch is building and as we draw closer to its January release date a slew of new stills and BTS pics have been released. There’s even a new clip featuring lots of CGI wolves! Speaking of those taxes, our man is getting in even more legal trouble in L.A. We’ll take a look at those court documents as well as ALL of Cage’s homes – all 15 of them! James Franco – who Cage directed in Sonny – appeared on Inside the Actor’s Studio and had some (homo) juice on Cage. Oh, and, Cage’s brother Christopher has been taken on a terrible “alias.” More on that later. Now, what about those wolves?

Mo’ Swords, Mo’ Wolves

It looks like Season of the Witch (January 7, 2011) will be light on Cage insanity we all love but will be entertaining overall. IMDB has an exclusive clip (which is un-embeddable) that has some cheesy looking CGI wolves attacking the carriage escorting the witch. I think. The brains at IMDB have entitled the clip “Wolves.” Nice one, guys.

On the hunt for more Witch? The folks at FearNet have a gallery of over 40 stills and behind the scenes photos. It looks like Dominic Sena and his crew got the Medieval vibe down!

Poor, Poor Nic Cage

Yesterday, Cage pleaded before the court in L.A., asking that his “high powered” business managers be banned from speaking with Nevada State Bank. NSB is suing Cage over a house he once owned in Nevada that went into foreclosure. He owes them around $2.5 million. His business managers are being asked by NSB to appear before a deposition early next month. Cage addressed the L.A. court, stating his “private financial and business records, confidential tax returns, confidential communications with tax authorities and documents” should be protected by attorney-client privilege. (via Radar)

I’m just a simple boy from small-town New Jersey, so the world of high powered L.A. lawyers is like Narnia to me. Not to play obsessed super-fan, but I imagine they make Cage miserable. He’s more concerned with family, comic books, and being the man (see picture above) than with legal BS. Keep your head up, tiger!

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[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

::click::

“OH MY GAWD, IT WAS HIM!”

“Who?”

“Daryl Millar, the good-looking guy I met at work today.”

“At Game World? Damn, Vanessa, you must be desperate.”

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The second to last episode of a Dexter season seems to always be the most exciting. It’s when all the feces strike the fan accordingly, sending a flurry of corn-covered shit out into every facet of Dexter’s life. Last night’s episode was no different. And goddamn, did I love it. It set up the final episode, which could be titled every season: Dexter! How The Fuck Do You Fix This?

At one point last night I realized what should have been obvious: this season of Dexter is the best sociopathic rendition of a Shakespearean tragedy on television. Though to call a Shakespearean tragedy “sociopathic” may in fact be redundant.

All The World’s A Body bag!

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Welcome aboard Omega-Level — the world’s most feared nerdcore pirate ship! We’re currently raiding the Pop Culture Seas! To stomach these turbulent waters, it’s advisable to consume caffeine and discuss the nonsense that your coworkers/family members/probation officers just don’t get. That’s why we’re here.

ALL HANDS ON DECK! Announcements are underway!

PATRICK COOPER
Astute passengers of Omega-Level have no doubt noticed that there is a third contributor amongst our ranks. Who is this enigmatic fellow? Well, if the Brothers Omega are the co-captains of the vessel, Mr. Cooper is the official first mate. In addition to posting whatever the hell he wants (we scoff in the face of structure), Patrick is gracing us with two weekly features: Cage Match and Omega Sinema.

Unless you’re a total lamebrain, you are going to love him.

RENDAR FRANKENSTEIN
Just in case you’re wondering, I’m not new to OL. I am, in fact, the man/creature/invention formerly known as P-Bones Krueger. Why am I now R. Frankenstein? Is this new moniker actually necessary? Isn’t it ridiculous that I have assumed yet another identity?

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll ask Superman…or Clark Kent…or Kal-El.

Ha, that’s a twist to the secret identity trope that even Bill missed.

THE HOLIDAYS
Don’t worry about OL closing up shop during the holiday season. We believe that everyone should celebrate the holidays any way they see fit. For us, it means hanging with friends, eating too much food, and discussing the malarkey (as always). So if you’re feeling slightly subversive, feel free to stop by and revel!

At the top of my holiday to-do list: watch Black Santa’s Revenge:

Hey guys. You look terrific. Welcome to another week of Cage news and junk. The past week we’ve seen the release of a new Cage movie on DVD and more info on Ghost Rider 2. There’s also a new interview and some more random Cageness for your enjoyment. Damn, you really do look terrific.

Like I mentioned last week, Trapped in Paradise is available on Netflix Watch Instantly. I did go back and revisit it after about 15 years. I liked it way more than I thought I would. The story itself is a by-the-numbers love/holiday/crime movie, but Cage’s performance as the moralistic, criminally romantic Bill Firpo is terrific. It teeters on the edge of bored Nic Cage and the insane genius we all love. His moments of rage in the film are hilarious and I’ve thrown in a few funny screenshots I took while watching it. So check that movie out if you haven’t already. Also, it made me warm and fuzzy for the holidays. Okay on with the show!

Sorcerer’s Apprentice Out!!! Nic Cage Is Bored

Yesterday the Sorcerer’s Apprentice came out on Blu-Ray and DVD (if you’re poor). I picked it up from a Redbox last night and was pretty excited to watch it. I don’t know why. From the trailers and clips I had seen I knew it wasn’t going to be the insane genius Nic Cage but the bored, reading his lines to get a paycheck Nic Cage.

After about 15 minutes I thought the movie was at its conclusion. Seriously there are so many magic battles in the first act that everything has the vibe of a final battle. That’s not a good thing because when the smoke cleared, I didn’t give a shit anymore.

One good thing did come out of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice: Cage fucking with people during interviews for the film. Ahem:

How did it feel to play a sorcerer?

Cage: This is the role I’ve been waiting to do my whole life. When I was a kid, I used to love pretending to be a superhero. I was always playing around and shooting energy out of my hands. In that respect, I’ve been rehearsing for this role for years because Balthazar certainly shoots plasma out of his hands in “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.”

…ok with me.

A Slew of New Set Pics From Ghostrider 2

Romanian website Libertatea has a bunch of new pics from the set of Ghostrider 2: Spirit of Vengeance, which I believe has finished shooting. I’m really excited about this one not only because Cage gets to resurrect a role that he had to tone down in the first film but also because of the directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. This duo has created some of the most original, insane, and visually bananas movies to come out in a long time (Crank 1 and 2, Gamer).

But what does Cage think of working with Neveldine and Taylor? And what do you suppose his reaction is to the Nic Cage Losing His Shit viral video? Well…

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