Well! Sign me the fuck up! Slap a sticker on my tits that reads “Fucking Sold, Thrice Over.” The tale of Hellboy’s tail and his first mission (completely unnecessary punning? if this that a pun?) is coming to comic book pages, and it is stacked with talent. Not just because it’s story a by Mike Mignola and John Arcudi. No ma’am. No sir. The title is also getting artwork from Alex fucking Maleev.

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The minds behind My Favorite Franchise Of The Last Gen (Maybe, Maybe Not, Whatever) have revealed their next game. And like we all knew ahead of time, it ain’t Borderlands 3. The joint is called Battleborn and it’s been labeled a “hero-shooter.” While I’m sure I will enjoy this game to an extent, a) I don’t really know what the fuck hero-shooter means, b) the art design ain’t my speed, and c) I want Borderlands 3. None the less, I trust the group to deliver compelling gameplay. And ain’t that what this shit is all about? What do you all make of this?

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New Guardians of the Galaxy trailer that I said I wasn’t going to watch. And then I did. My body is ready. My soul is ready. All the gaping maws on this corporeal form are ready for digi-cine-inseration.

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Yes, Ant-Man. Yes! Continue to mutate into some abomination. Slough off your Wright-Cornish skin. Waddle through the comedic mud of Adam McKay. But! But continue your metamorphosis! Let us not stop tweaking this script until every ounce of Inspired Auteur has been left in the rubbish pile, replaced with the Clarion Call of Meddling and Wasted Potential!

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Oh, come on! I’m allowed a phallic reference when talking about an entire fucking anime series that deals with them. Aren’t I? Whatever! I don’t care what you say, doubting mortals! Just enjoy this glorious cosplay.

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A MEGAMAN BY ANY OTHER NAME has some dope news afoot. The title is going to be getting its own fucking animated series. While Capcom tries to figure out how to ruin Resident Evil Gears of War further, the Brain behind Mega Man is just shitting on their lives. This could have all been theirs! But nah! And as well as revealing the animated series, they Mighty People are announcing a new round of crowdfunding.

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Double scoop of Episode VII news on this Sunday. First off: the flick is on schedule! Despite General Solo’s injury! Go figure. I’m sure after Disney Corporate deployed the Robo-Ninjas with their Death-Laced Scythes, all of a sudden Abrams felt he could make the December 2018 deadline. Second off: the flick has added two more members to its already impressive cast.

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The curtain has been *somewhat* pulled back on Cliffy B’s next gaming venture. Cliffy’s new game studio was initially uncovered through the sniffing of various legal paper trails by people smarter, and more dedicated than me. And now their website has officially launched! But what I can add is that no matter what sort of light ribbing I give Dude Huge, I’m super stoked for whatever he has coming up next. His titles are the very essence of BROMEGA LEVEL

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This is what happens when you read only like five Marvel comic books like me. You have no idea that there is even the necessity for a new Captain America, because you don’t know that Steve Rogers has lost his Super Soldier Serum. People are saying it may be Falcon. FWIW THOUGH? Bucky Barnes and his Robot Arm are The Shield’s OTP.

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Happy Fourth of July, folks. Nothing like fireworks, seared animal and simulated-animal flesh, and adult beverages to kick off this week’s edition of Weekend Open Bar. The column at the End of the Internet Universe. Where anything goes so long as it’s in the positive spirit of the Space-Ship. Get drunk, post embarrassing secrets. Stay sober, post what you’re up to over the course of the weekend. Throw GIFS at the comments section with reckless abandon.

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