I came across this video today over at Slashfilm, and it’s pretty tremendous. Why can’t this shit ever happen to me on the subway?

via slashfilm:

Improv Everywhere   is a group of New Yorkers who love to “cause scenes of chaos and joy in public places.” You’ve surely seen many videos of their previous stunts, as many of them have gone viral around the interwebs. Their latest mission was to reenact he first Princess Leia / Darth Vader scene from Star Wars on a New York City subway car.

Seriously, what the fuck. Whenever I’m on a subway the most exciting thing that happens to me is that guy who is leaning against the last seat on the train, smelling of piss and reminding me of my future.

Hit the jump and check out subway action not involving homelessness or urine.

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[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

In the future, when you can create your own temporal temporary bio-organic constructs out of your Matter Master 4000, you’ll be able to create your own Bayonetta construct. Built out of ultra-decay flesh that gives away after twelve hours, and no consciousness but a list of traits you string together in the Matter Master 4000 software, she’ll be able to jerk you off for that sweet half day. And after her inevitable combustion into a pile of pseudo-snot and black leather-gone-goop, you’ll be able to flush her down the toilet and forget about her.

But for now? You just need to google “Bayonetta Handjob” and live vicariously through scribblings. Sorry.

How do you bring together hardcore gamers and the most ballingly casual system out there? Fuggin’ Metroid: Other M. And if yesterday’s opening cinematic got your Kubrick all sweaty, then today’s gameplay is going to get your fingers twitching. Metroid: Other M is officially the next game I’m sweating with the unreluctant, unfettered passion of an aggravated Mel Gibson. Rimshot, offended groan.

Hit the jump and get down wit me, yo.

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If there’s one thing that I know for certain, it is that the thinkers of the past envisioned a way cooler future than we’ve gotten.

via io9:

In the 1960s, United States Steel released Power Styling, a book of remodeled electrical stations that crackled with modernist flair. The book imagines a mod future in which “electrical engineer” is the sexiest gig on the planet.

Man. If they could see us now. I mean, we’re pretty fucking impressive, don’t get me wrong. But we’re also a bloated landscape of neon signs and advertisements. I think our highways would give Past-Us nightmares.

Welcome to Variant Covers! Your go-to for blathering about weekly comic releases. Forsooth! Apologies for bringing you this worthless slap-dab piece of bologna on a Wednesday! I encountered difficulties yesterday that I could not foresee. Sometimes a man must storm a bingo game armed only with a kabuki mask and genitals slathered in toothpaste. And sometimes that man must be screaming at the top of his lungs that the “Menthol burns so well” and that his “Seed can rejuvenate the most lost one here!” And apparently that results in getting arrested. Land of the free my ass.

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The Bulletproof Coffin #2
Did you check out the first Bulletproof Coffin when it dropped? Yes? Well, then you are a superior organic being! I did not. I did not hear about it until a generous reader of this column decided to eradicate the clouds of my dumb-assery with the bright beams of illumination. Plato’s Cave and all that shit! And sadly, even if I had known about it, my comic book shop wouldn’t have carried it. You see, this comic book is by Image, doesn’t feature modern day superhero theatrics, and is really, really, weird.

If you’re like me!, hop over to a fucking free digital copy of the first issue here.

Being only two issues deep, I’m not particularly certain what the whole jib-jab is about yet. The first issue had a good butt-load of things going on. And we’re talking like, the butt-load of an enormous ass. Cavernous. Cottage-cheesed out like you wouldn’t believe.

On the surface, the comic book is about a dude named Steve, who cleans out dead people’s houses. One day he comes across a house filled with ridiculous Golden Age nostalgia, featuring issues of comic books that went past what he thought were their last issues. Taking the shiznit home, he reads the comic, put out by Golden Nugget, which was put out of business by Big 2. After which, he fiddled around with the dead dude’s television, only to watch what he thinks is the dude’s death.

It’s complicated. I’m not going it justice. But I promise, it’s fantastic.

So on one level we have an exploration of the comic book industry, and the death of the Golden Age. Major props for Steve commenting on how much he hated “Z-Men: The Final Meltdown.” Weaving through it, we seem to be getting an exploration of Steve’s life, as he returns to his mundane existence with family and children, only to hide in the attic in bask in his past. It’s the sort of archetypal story of Golden Pasts and Disappointing Futures that I’ve come to love.

And? It’s really, really odd. Buy it. You’ll love it.

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Superman #701
This week, J. Michael comes aboard the Superman train. And coming aboard what he calls his “dream job” or something and such, he’s bringing the heat! Yessir, we’re going to be getting what we’ve wanted finally in a Superman book: walking. Uh. Wait? What?

Walking?

THE MENTHOL BURNS SO GOOD!

J. Michael has Superman walking cross-country in “Grounded”, which is apparently a twelve-issue storyline. Oh good lord. Seriously? I can respect the idea, which is to have Superman connect with his human side and get to know people and the like. However. However! Grant Morrison wrote the most human Superman in years in his run on All-Star, and he did it while having the Man of Heat Vision performing some absolutely ridiculous feats.

There’s a way to intertwine the two worlds, without having to take twelve-issues to have him walking across country.

That said, maybe it’ll be good. Who knows! This fence I’m sitting on?! It’s so comfortable!

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Props to my friend Jill for bringing this picture to my attention. And subsequently scarring my poor eyes. Drink in the first official photo of Anthony Hopkins as Odin and Some Dude as Loki.

Thoughts? I think it looks lame as fuck. However, since I’m trying to keep my P(ositive) M(ental) A(ttitude), I’m going to hope the suits and appearance look less barf-full when we see them in context. Remember how goofy Nolan’s Batman suit looked when we all first saw it? It was set against white or something and I was all “Uhhhhh.”

Yeah, maybe it’ll be that way. I hope.

For a while I’ve been stoked about Inception. And for a bit shorter than that period of time, I’ve been wondering about the Average Mouth Breather’s reaction to it. The Average Mouth Breather walked out of the Matrix confused. And they were like “Wait, who was Tyler Durden?”

Since the premise for Inception has been revealed; a world involving dreams, injections into these dreams, concepts of existence, ideas, and philosophy, I’ve generally had one reaction: this movie is going to be over people’s heads. I’m not being a dick, I’m just working off of what I’ve observed regarding other “confusing” movies.

And the thing is, Inception cost a shit load. $200.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks that this movie may be beyond people:

Jason Sanford via io9:

This film will be a major flop at the box office… My prediction is that this will be a good SF film which the critics will love, but which doesn’t find a large audience because of its subject matter. Since Christopher Nolan is still Hollywood’s golden boy and is working on another Batman movie, studios will overlook losing their shirts on this film. But that won’t change the fact that Inception will be a flop.

It’s an interesting question, and Sanford definitely argues towards a conclusion I had been contemplating.

My reaction?

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[legend has it that Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word story to win a bar bet — For sale: baby shoes, never worn. leading to the author’s birthday, I’m going to offer a daily post of my own six-word story. readers are encouraged to respond with their own]

The typewriter gave me writer’s block.

[photo]

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[via io9 : click to enlarge]

People dig outer space like I do. I’m learning that here at OL. So at the behest of some, and because of the enjoyment of others, I’m dragging this passion into the OL-pit to play with my other boner-inducements: video games, comic books, movies.

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Stars are god damn impressive. Particularly this one, which is burning so brightly it’s warping and eroding everything around it.

via io9:

This is the nebula NGC 2467, located some 13,000 light-years from Earth. First discovered in the nineteenth century, the nebula lies within the constellation Puppis in the southern hemisphere. The image you see up top (click on it to see the ultra high-res version) was assembled from images taken by the Hubble Telescope back in 2004. Three different color filters were used to bring out the full majesty of the nebula.

Still, NGC 2467 isn’t just beautiful – it’s also a working lesson in astrophysics. The new stars shine more brightly than they ever will again, emitting so much radiation that the surrounding clouds of hydrogen gas begin to erode. In particular, the huge, bright star in the upper center of the image is responsible for most of the radiation emanating from the nebula. It’s clearing away massive amounts of the surrounding cloud, and this processes pushes the denser regions of the nebula elsewhere. Although some of the new stars are shining through, many more are still hidden behind the clouds, just waiting to make their first appearance to Earth astronomers.

That’s a spicy intergalactic meat ball right there.