J.J. Abrams got himself a fucking Herculean task with Episode IX. He needs to appease those Star Wars fans who hated Episode VIII. He needs to acknowledge the criticisms of his own Episode VII. One of the major stars of the movie passed away, sending the entire original script(s) into Hell. And not only that, but he has to wrap-up a saga in just one film following a movie that pretty much kicked over the entire fucking sandbox.
But! At least he has a script.
To note that Episode IX‘s production has been “slightly tumultuous” is akin to saying my post-pizza and Chez-It farts are “slightly nauseating”, to say the least. I mean good god, the movie is currently on its fourth fucking script. However, this news makes sense to me. The first script featured Leia, and was diarrhea’d out by Jurassic World Guy and his writing partner. The second was their stab at a script without her in it. The third, Sweet Christ the third, was a punch-up done by Jack Thorne.
With Abrams and his bland middling mediocrity coming aboard, and I’m being serious here, it makes sense to start with a fresh slate. Whatever existed before seems like a real fucking Frankenstein’s monster, and it is best to put it out to pasture.
J.J. Abrams writing and directing ‘Episode IX’, Uninspired and Safe Lucasfilm Remains Uninspired and Safe
There are certainly worse choices than J.J. Abrams to direct Episode IX. Lucasfilm just fired one. But, man. I can’t help but feel uninspired by this choice, especially when I was quietly hoping for Rian Johnson to return. Abrams wrote and directed Episode VII, which was an enjoyable, incredibly dumb affair. Great characters, hilariously stupid plot. Oh well. At least us Star Wars losers will have competence, as Lucasfilm continues to make safe choice after safe choice. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the movie, while worrying about Lucasfilm’s reticence to do anything too risky and interesting.
Awesome idea: show about space colonies. Questionable talent attached: J.J. Abrams. Dope talent attached: Enemy writer Javier Gullón.
Hype level: cautiously high.
Oh man, I fuck with this. J.J. Abrams and his Mystery Box posse have revealed that God Particle is actually the third installment in the Cloverfield series. As someone who enjoyed 10 Cloverfield Lane as a small, quiet Twilight Zone-esque flick, I’m down for installments of this loosely-tethered anthology series.
Chris Hemsworth. I love him. Love him as Thor, loved in the original Star Trek reboot, loved him tonight in Ghostbusters. I don’t know the logistics behind his appearance in the theoretical Star Trek 4.
JarJar Braybrams wants a third Cloverfield movie. If the second (loosely connected) movie is as enjoyable for me as the first one, the I’m all aboard. Give me a weird mythos populating somewhat individual entrances into the franchise, and I’ll be fine. Overjoyed, even. Well, not overjoyed. Joyed.
Don’t forget. The Force Awakens ain’t just the return of Star Wars, its the kick-off for the annual extraction of Forceful dollars from all of us Star Wars fanboys. And while there are anthology movies coming and such, it’s the “Skywalker Saga” that is the beefiest proposition for me. And just as Episode VII looms, the Episode VIII script has been finished.
I debated posting this, since it seems like it may be a spoiler. But I considered two things. First: if Mystery Box Abrams himself is revealing it, he doesn’t consider it too integral to his uh, mystery box. Second: pretty much every pop culture website that you’ve probably seen before stumbling over here has revealed this same thing: that Kylo Ren isn’t a Sith. I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to lead the charge, but I also ain’t going to save SpoilerCity by myself.
May the fucking Fourth be with you, yadda, yadda, pop culture momentum, blah blah. Let me not get wrapped up in the banality of the Pseudo-Holiday, and instead be excited for these photos form Vanity Fair.