‘Episode VII’ Non-News: Abrams teases droid hand in UNICEF winner reveal

J.J. Abrams.

Listen, I don’t want to hear it. I know this is non-news, inconsequential, whatever. But I’m just going to throw up my hands up and admit the truth: I can’t single-handedly reverse-engineer the media’s descent into madness. (A madness that some would argue began with the advent of the telegraph.) So yeah, whatever. A droid hand is revealed. Take it or don’t.

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‘Episode VII’ Teaser Image: Return of the X-Wing!


J.J. Abrams has dropped a sexy look at a mofuckin’ X-Wing (or a Z-95 Headhunter depending on whom you ask) in his latest video for the charity Force for Change,. I sort of assumed the son of a bitch would be back, but seeing it in its filthy glory definitely gets my knobs swelling.

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Confirmed: ‘Episode VII’ filming IMAX sequences

Episode VII.

It’s been confirmed! There are going to be some giant fucking star fields in Episode VII.

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Millennium Falcon.

Shout out to J.J. Abrams for apparently developing a sense of humor about the recent leaks from the sets of Episode VII. In the past the dude would have moped into his room, pumped three or four loads into his Mystery Box, and passed out in a malaise. But perhaps he has found the Serenity Prayer, and taken to acceptance. ‘Cause while he has used Twitter to ask for the leaks to stop, he’s done it with a wink and a grin not typically found in the lad’s arsenal.

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‘EPISODE VII’ Video: New alien revealed, help children, physical set locations

My everything

Okay let’s not be classless and focus on what society totally tells us is the most important part about this video okay okay okay. There’s an opportunity for us all to donate to Star Wars: Force For Change and receive a variety of rewards. But we’ll do it for humanity. Right? Right! OKAYFUCK. Now can I talk about how awesome it is that S7ar Wars is shooting on real sets? And using physical models like we see for its creatures? Am I allowed? FUCK. I’M EXCITED. See it for yourself.

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First “EPISODE VII’ photo released as filming begins


YeahokayIknowthisisntreallyafuckingphotofromthemoviepersay. But hey, I’m a Star Wars fanboy, and you’re on my site. I hope that either you’re down with the Force, or can at least accept me despite my flaws. ‘Cause I’m beautiful! And you’re beautiful! And here’s a photo! Acknowledging filming has begun! From Bad Robot’s Twitter.



Oh baby, my nipples are hurting. Nay. My nipples are leaking from excitement. The Episode VII cast has finally been announced, and it is stocked with a cavalcade of oldies and newbies that get me taut in all the applicable places.

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‘EPISODE VII’ News: Oscar Isaac up for major role. Plus Ford has “gigantic” role. Uh?

Oscar Isaac

Shit, I’ll level with you. Probably none of this is actually news. First up. Oscar Isaac is up for a “major role”, if theater commitments can be accommodated. Second up. Harrison Ford has a “gigantic role” in Episode VII. Yup –you’ve read that right. In the blackout that surrounds Episode VII, mentioning that HAN FUCKING SOLO has a BIG ROLE is news. Am I perpetuating it? Aye.

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‘EPISODE VII’ News: Budget, Lucas’ Involvement, and Casting

Star Wars Blooper Reel

Well shit if I’m going to pretend to be updating this site again I might as well do it with run-on sentences and Star Wars updates right am I right yes no right? Here we got ourselves some news about the budget the cast and George Lucas’ fat-necked involvement.

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‘EPISODE VII’ News: UK Stage Actress Up For Role


Here’s some gnarly news. The promise that Episode VII will see some new faces in key roles hasn’t been confirmed or denied because…well, no fucking casting has been announced! But! Recent rumor-news-nebulous-things suggest this promise shall hold.

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