The Episode VII script was junked. George Lucas caterwauled. Now Abrams is in the hood, unfucking the script from scratch with Larry Kasdan. No problem, right? It’s just that, you know, the movie is due out in two years.
You’re tired of my dry-humping Episode VII speculation until the skin leaves my testicles in hardened, red clumps? I don’t know what to tell you. I’m excited about this enterprise. Very excited. Latest batch of news surrounds a Disney casting sheet which suggests the main characters of the next trilogy ain’t Skywalkers or Solos.
The uber talented star of 12 Years A Slave Chiwetel Ejiofor may turn out to be Force Sensitive. Or Han Solo’s dad. Who the fuck knows. What we do know is (we don’t know for certain) that the good sir may up for a role in Episode VII.
I’ll take it.
—wa—wait. The reason that J.J. Abrams is jumping aboard Episode VII writing duties with Larry Kasdan is because they’re throwing out Uncle George’s shitty outline? Well, why didn’t you fucking say so? If that’s true, I’m all aboard. In fact, I’m the conductor of that fucking train.
Darkness. Darkness descending. My favorite refrain of “Oh man J.J. Abrams is a good director, but I’m glad he isn’t writing Episode VII” is no longer applicable.
As I’ve already stated, Saoirse Ronan kicks fucking ass. She holds it the fuck down in Hanna. Which if you haven’t seen, correct that shit immediately. So when word drops that she auditioned for Episode VII, and it involved a lightsaber?
Despite all my shit talking of Abrams (perhaps misguided because it’s the plot for STID that I so loathe), I’m excited for the dude to be doing Episode VII. So when he comes out and directly addresses his over use of lens flares, I can only get a bit more excited. Self-awareness? I’ll take it.
Yeah maybe these movies will be decent but I’m not feeling yet another set of origin stories in the Star Wars universe. I’d rather they throw us some Kenobi nuggets from when he was protecting Luke, or like, issuing destruction during the Clone Wars or whatever. I don’t need to see Han Solo find Baby Chewie.
(I’ll still love it probably okay fuck you.)
Does this surprise you? Does it knock the hair off your labia? Does it hardened your nipples and/or testicles? ‘Cause it seems pretty obvious to me. If James James Abrams is getting the entire original cast back together for Episode VII, why in tarnation wouldn’t the Millenium Falcon be involved? So why am I covering this? ‘Cause I fucking love Star Wars!
Star Wars, what the fuck? Dropping news on a Sunday. The first football Sunday! I had to put my pants on, pull out my Aaron Rodgers butt plug, and scuttle across the room to report the news. It appears that Episode VII has its first rumored title? What do you think? Imma leave this here, plug back in, and watch some foosball.