‘Star Wars’ Non-News: J.J. Abrams kicking off ‘Star Wars Celebration’ in “big (fucking) way”

J.J. Abrams.

Oh golly glory fucking shit-tits. Jar Jar Abrams is apparently kicking off Star Wars Celebration this April in a “big way.” Which means to this uneducated slob that the jealousy-inspiring fools in attendance are going to get some fucking Force Awakens trailer hotness.

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James “Yes, I’m That Pleased With Myself” Franco starring in Abrams-produced Stephen King adaptation, ’11/22/63′

James Franco.

Yeah. I wanted to take a shot at James Franco that bad. To the point of an utterly enormous headline. I don’t give a fuck! If Jimmy Franco can be so self-satisfied while miring himself in a rut of eye-rolling indie choices and dick-and-fart joke flicks with Rogen, I can be self-satisfied in my own below-mediocre blogging. Fuck you! Oh. And this post is about Stephen King, Jar Jar Abrams, Jimmy Franco, and JFK.

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Justin Lin directing ‘Star Trek 3.’ F**k yeah.

Justin Lin

Justin Lin rules. Star Trek 3 needs a talented director with a knack for bringing the energy to an ensemble. The combo fits.

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Panic Not: ‘The Force Awakens’ trailer dropping in multiple theater chains


It appears that Regal Cinemas just decided to fuck up my fanboy morning with anxiety. I was like, nine fucking theaters? One fucking chain? I was already planning fucking road trips and shit. But naw, they just dropped the news early. Multiple movie chains shall be carrying The Force Awakens’ first trailer. Thank fuck.

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HBO’s sci-fi western ‘Westworld’ dropping in 2015; got dope cast


HBO is throwing some serious weight behind its upcoming sci-western, Westworld. It’s got itself a serious fucking cast, big name creatives behind the project (Johnny Nolan, Abrams), and an order for a full season. And if that ain’t enough, it’s got itself a weird viral marketing campaign. Which goes together with J.J. Abrams like peas and poorly-executed mystery box reveals.

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‘Episode VII’ set using Cliff Chiang ‘Star Wars’ poster to curb the f**king leaks


Cliff Chiang produced a gorgeous poster back in the day. Before Star Wars Lived Again. Now said poster is being employed around STAR WARS FILMING CENTRAL HUB to remind motherfuckers to stop leaking EVERY GODDAMN THING.

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Watch: First official video of ‘Episode VII’ Millennium Falcon…and the Batmobile

Millennium Falcon

Jar Jar Abrams and Baddie Robotz have revealed the first official video glimpse of the Millennium Falcon from Episode VII. And as a little bonus, there’s a cameo from the fuckin’ Batmobile. It’s the latest batch of glad-handing and mutual masturbation between Snyder, Abrams, and their mutual mega-movies.

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‘Episode VII’ Non-News: Abrams teases droid hand in UNICEF winner reveal

J.J. Abrams.

Listen, I don’t want to hear it. I know this is non-news, inconsequential, whatever. But I’m just going to throw up my hands up and admit the truth: I can’t single-handedly reverse-engineer the media’s descent into madness. (A madness that some would argue began with the advent of the telegraph.) So yeah, whatever. A droid hand is revealed. Take it or don’t.

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‘Episode VII’ Teaser Image: Return of the X-Wing!


J.J. Abrams has dropped a sexy look at a mofuckin’ X-Wing (or a Z-95 Headhunter depending on whom you ask) in his latest video for the charity Force for Change,. I sort of assumed the son of a bitch would be back, but seeing it in its filthy glory definitely gets my knobs swelling.

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Confirmed: ‘Episode VII’ filming IMAX sequences

Episode VII.

It’s been confirmed! There are going to be some giant fucking star fields in Episode VII.

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