#Welcome To the Future

HBO launching standalone service. VALHALLA ARRIVES.

hbo go and shit

HBO is finally givin’ motherfuckers what they been clamoring for. Pleading for. Beating fists upon gravel and demanding. An internet-based HBO service that ain’t tied to a cable subscription.

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Oculus announces new VR prototype headset, Crescent Bay.

Crescent

The Rift goes on, and on, and on! Oculus has revealed their latest prototype headset, named Crescent Bay. This son of a bitch is the next step towards next year’s consumer release. Titled, “Fat People Wall-Screens.”

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Oculus Rift consumer version arriving by summer 2015

Oculus Rift.

The Virtual Reality Distracticaust which promises to finally fully sublimate thinking in the name of all-consuming virtual distraction is coming, folks! I suppose you can tell my anxieties regarding the Oculus Rift, whose consumer version is due to arrive by next summer.

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Google patents a less clunky Google Glass design

Google Glass.

I’m a bit torn on Google Glass’ initial design. One half of me is like, “Yes, this is the clunky and obvious cyberpunk design of My Future.” The other half is like, “Yeah, I would never wear this in public.” Google seems to sense this rift in others and myself, and are working towards obscuring the technological magic that powers Glass from plain sight.

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Japan wants a Robo-Olympics in 2020. No, srsly.

Robot Olympics

Oh! Great fucking idea, Japan. Gather all the fucking robots in the world together in one place for an Olympics. They can start killing us together as one harmonious unit when they look at one another and realize they’re tired of their subjugation by the Clumsy Flesh Bags.

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This will end well: DARPA wants to research “predatory” bacteria

DARPA or some shit

It’s a goddamn toss-up these days. A goddamn toss-up between what fucking manmade blight-contagion-robot-apocalypse-eco-disaster will wipe us out. ALL OF THEM — ALL OF THEM having been the centerpiece of a movie at one point. Don’t we heed the warnings Silver Screen?! No, we don’t. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ, DARPA. Predatory bacteria?

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Aiight: Oculus building its own VR motion controllers.

Oculus Rift.

I am not a smart man. So I didn’t really know if anyone else was stupefied by how Oculus and other VR Overlords were going to go about controlling their virtual realms. As a champion of teledildonics and shit, I was picturing some sort of fetishistic, haptic-feedback body suit. But I suppose motion controllers are cool too. (I guess.)

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Leaked: Samsung’s VR Headset design. Rockin’ that Virtual Boy vibe

Samsung VR

Samsung’s virtual reality headset design has hit the internet. Leaked right out the drooling maw of the NetterWebs’ guts. And man, is it Virtual Boy as fuck.

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FUTUREGASM: Dubai building world’s first climate-controlled neighborhood

the future

This is the fucking future I want. Or at least I think I want, gazing into my ceiling fan in the evening. Copy of Neuromancer resting on my belly. A vibrating Matrix-themed prostate massager doing its work in my love hole.

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Well Then: Amazon offers Hachette authors 100% cut of ebook sales

Amazon introduces currencies up in the house.

How is this for some Boardroom Maneuvering? Amazon and Hatchette have been beefing, and that’s left a lot of people opining that it’s the authors getting fucked. Now in what strikes this dumb-ass, completely business-unsavvy dude as a brilliant move, Amazon is offering Hatchette authors a 100% cut of their ebook sales.

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