#Welcome To the Future

Nielsen beginning to track what individual shows we watch on Netflix (and Hulu, and Amazon Prime)

Ben approves.

How many fucking shows could you have saved with this metric already in tow, Nielsen? Are you responsible for Rubicon being cancelled? Is that completely unconnected? I want to be indignant! Apoplectic! About you just finally getting into tracking streaming services. And I don’t give a good god damn if my anger is misguided or not.

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Watch: Boston Dynamics’ robot running through the futzing woods. We’re done. We’re done!

Report: Apple is already looking to test its self-driving car

ph33r

Apple wants to infect you, friends. Your brain. Your palms. And now your car. When the GoogleSkyAppleNetApocalypse kicks off, you’re going to have your choice of which sentient car will drive you to the prison camps. That’s what it’s looking like after this report. The Google Car? Or the Apple Car? Either way — it’s the dirt mines for you, with the rest of humanity.

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Watch: MIT has built a fully-functioning robot bartender. WELCOME TO THE FUTURE.

How do you take your drink, pardner? Do you take it from a robot, ensuring that you’re working towards being as fucking cyberpunk as possible? I goddamn hope so.

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Google creates new parent company, “Alphabet”

Alphabet.

Google has evolved, folks. The SkyNet creating, immortality seeking, data devouring nightmare machine (and producer of really neat products, and a sweet search engine) has created a new parent company to oversee all of its machinations. Called Alphabet.

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Watch: LEGO Robot controlled by homemade Exosuit. The Future is now.

Hawking, Musk, Chomsky, and more sign open letter to ban Artificial Intelligence Weapons

uhuhuh

A real fucking murderer’s row of intelligentsia have signed an open letter calling for a ban on Artificial Intelligence-based weaponry. Sure! Why not? Personally, I’ve always thought that if anything was to rise up and gain Artificial Intelligence, it would probably just be really fucking bored with us ape-folk. And our violence. And our war. But who knows. Maybe it would take on all of our wonderful traits, and subjugate the fuck out of us.

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Apple wants live and local programming for its TV service

Apple TV!

Looks like Apple TV has the potential to be more than expected. The company is apparently interested in more than just cutting deals with cable and premium channels, and is looking to get into the local programming game. For uh, those seven people who still watch the nightly news.

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‘Mass Effect’ lead Casey Hudson joins Microsoft for Xbox and HoloLens work

Casey Hudson.

I mean…No matter what he does, the HoloLens couldn’t ever possibly be lamer than the ending to Mass Effect 3, right? Maybe? #LetItGoCaffLetItGo

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Finished Oculus Rift hitting shelves first quarter next year

Oculus Rift.

Finally! We know a pseudo-date for when we will be able to buy our Oculus Rifts. Don our haptic bodysuits. And bang one another in a virtual bathrub while the Kool-Aid man urinates delicious drink all over us! Next year!

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