#Welcome To the Future
HBO is finally givin’ motherfuckers what they been clamoring for. Pleading for. Beating fists upon gravel and demanding. An internet-based HBO service that ain’t tied to a cable subscription.
The Rift goes on, and on, and on! Oculus has revealed their latest prototype headset, named Crescent Bay. This son of a bitch is the next step towards next year’s consumer release. Titled, “Fat People Wall-Screens.”
The Virtual Reality Distracticaust which promises to finally fully sublimate thinking in the name of all-consuming virtual distraction is coming, folks! I suppose you can tell my anxieties regarding the Oculus Rift, whose consumer version is due to arrive by next summer.
I’m a bit torn on Google Glass’ initial design. One half of me is like, “Yes, this is the clunky and obvious cyberpunk design of My Future.” The other half is like, “Yeah, I would never wear this in public.” Google seems to sense this rift in others and myself, and are working towards obscuring the technological magic that powers Glass from plain sight.
Oh! Great fucking idea, Japan. Gather all the fucking robots in the world together in one place for an Olympics. They can start killing us together as one harmonious unit when they look at one another and realize they’re tired of their subjugation by the Clumsy Flesh Bags.
It’s a goddamn toss-up these days. A goddamn toss-up between what fucking manmade blight-contagion-robot-apocalypse-eco-disaster will wipe us out. ALL OF THEM — ALL OF THEM having been the centerpiece of a movie at one point. Don’t we heed the warnings Silver Screen?! No, we don’t. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ, DARPA. Predatory bacteria?
I am not a smart man. So I didn’t really know if anyone else was stupefied by how Oculus and other VR Overlords were going to go about controlling their virtual realms. As a champion of teledildonics and shit, I was picturing some sort of fetishistic, haptic-feedback body suit. But I suppose motion controllers are cool too. (I guess.)
Samsung’s virtual reality headset design has hit the internet. Leaked right out the drooling maw of the NetterWebs’ guts. And man, is it Virtual Boy as fuck.
This is the fucking future I want. Or at least I think I want, gazing into my ceiling fan in the evening. Copy of Neuromancer resting on my belly. A vibrating Matrix-themed prostate massager doing its work in my love hole.
How is this for some Boardroom Maneuvering? Amazon and Hatchette have been beefing, and that’s left a lot of people opining that it’s the authors getting fucked. Now in what strikes this dumb-ass, completely business-unsavvy dude as a brilliant move, Amazon is offering Hatchette authors a 100% cut of their ebook sales.