#Welcome To the Future
Good guy HBO CEO. He’s totally, completely cool with us sharing our HBO Go passwords. What a solid bro! Realizing that Cable Companies are pigs, and we’re just strugglin’ to get by! Oh wait — he’s cool with it because we’re essentially creating addicts out of our fellow consumers. Oh, you sly son of a gun.
You can’t keep an old school music-playing program down! A company I haven’t heard of has swoooped in to buy the program I haven’t used in ten years.
This is fucking amazing. Truly next level XB1 Kinect-coated trolling. Dude-bro changes his gamertag to “Xbox Sign Out.” Pisses people off. They scream his name. They (almost) sign out. Seems simple. But brilliant. So good.
Coinye West is coming! Coinye West is coming! Sweet Jesus if that dude needed anything else to fluff up his ego, now he’s at the center of a new cryptocurrency. Welcome to the future, folks. It’s an odd place. I think I’ll stay. Pay for my adventures with an untraceable currency sporting Kanye West’s face.
Let’s get the apology out of the way first. To the crew and passengers aboard the ship, I’m sorry for being so unacceptably neglectful of my duties. However, I’ve been building you all a present. Come down any time you want and visit me just off the engine room in our brand-spanking new Dreamatorium. Not as technologically advanced as a Holodeck, but it works in an overly imaginative pinch.
NASA ain’t letting the upcoming Robot Apocalypse dissuade them from utilizing current technologies. Until it strikes, of course. Then they’ll just be paste like the rest of us. Until that happens though, they’re doing jazzy things like combining the both the Oculus Rift and XB1′s Kinect. For great justice. Or great…science?
Dolphins, man. The fucking best. Actually they’re raging fucking assholes. Or at least some of them are. Don’t want to be Dolphinist or something. Whatever. So the ones who are assholes need to hang out with the more chill of their kind. Take some fucking rips off of the ole puffer fish.
Amazon dun good this holiday season. Like, way good. I thought I was crushing it sell my crusty socks-turned-Jennifer Lawrence puppets. Sold three! One to Rendar, one to my fiance, one to my Mom. And Rendar didn’t even cry as I got my money from him at spork point, unlike the other two.
But man, Amazon did way better than me.
Iron Maiden ain’t fucking around with their pirates. Unlike some blow hard former-heroes of mine (Metallica!), the righteous bros of Maiden do the opposite of persecuting the pirates. They tour the piracy-laden regions, making huge loot off of their concert performances.