#Welcome To the Future

Dude accused of using A DRONE to sneak drugs INTO PRISON. Future++

Drone.

All sorts of futuristic bullshittery dropping this week. A Bitcoin exchange may or may not be stealing like millions or whatever from its users while crying poverty. And now a man is accused of using a drone to deliver drugs to a prison. Amazon Prime Air ain’t got shit on this dude.

Read the rest of this entry »

Hackers be like, “MT. GOX still has our f**king Bitcoins.”

HACK THE PLANET.

Arrr! Welcome to the High Seas of Unregulated Wizard Currency and Mad Haxxing! You know how that Bitcoin exchange Mt. Gox was all “We’re fucking broke, broken, and destitute” and shit? Declared for bankruptcy? Well hackers are throwing the flag on this idea. Saying that the Japanese-based exchange, in fact, still has their fucking Bitcoins.

Read the rest of this entry »

MAYBE: Sony’s Oculus Rift competitor to be revealed this month

HEADSETHEADSETHEADSET

There’s a good chance that Sony’s dropping the reveal on their VR headset this month. Getting ready to throw down with the Oculus Rift. In a battle of “Hey, We Took Thing X and Put It in First Person! Wild!”

Read the rest of this entry »

Bitcoin founder may have been tracked down. Is all, “I only heard of Bitcoin three weeks-ago.” Yeah! Okay!

How is that for a fucking headline? Ice cream headache much? To catch those of you lagging behind up: the creator of Bitcoin has been cloaked in anonymity since its creation. Newsweek was totally like, “Yo, we gotcha!” And the guy is all, “Naw, not even!” Then somehow one member of the AP ended up taking him out for sushi? Huh? Ain’t nothing normal about this crypto-thingy. No way.

Read the rest of this entry »

New $620,000 BITCOIN HEIST collapses another service

The Joker heist

Another Bitcoin service has gotten rocked via online-heist-robbery time. This time it’s Flexcoin, who has suffered a $620,000 ninjaing and it will be a catastrophic thieving. Good thing I keep my Bitcoins in my Miley Cyrus folder, near my latex porn. Safe and sound!

Read the rest of this entry »

FACEBOOK getting its own set of DRONES. Heyniceokay.

SKYNET.

Because – of course. Why wouldn’t Facebook get its own army of drones? It’s the New Black! The coolest list of tech-suaveness. Buy your drones, launch your army, prepare for the great Corporo-Warfare of 20xx Read the rest of this entry »

Netflix quality is sucking because of CABLE COMPANIES throttling bandwidth. F**kers.

Netflix.

Last weekend the fiancé and I were trying to watch the new season of House of Cards when the fucking quality was bouncing around more than my moods on one of those “Jesus Christ I forgot to take my meds for how many days?” type weeks. I had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with a) the death of Net Neutrality b) bandwidth throttling and c) intergalactic threats from Skrulltopia. Turns out I was right about two of the causes.

Read the rest of this entry »

U.S MILITARY develops PIZZA THAT IS EDIBLE FOR YEARS.

Pizza party, fuckers.

Finally, my tax dollars at work on something I can get behind. The troops deserve the most delicious of foods, and I think it’s objectively proven that pizza is that food.

Read the rest of this entry »

Archaeologists find 800,000 year-old footprints in England. Alien masters++

footprintz or something

Oh sure you’re going to tell me this is some amazing discovery of human history. “Human” footprints found on a beach in England. YEAH. OKAY. I’ll be goddamned if this isn’t an  obvious find regarding our alien masters. The ones that culled our existent DNA from the goop of our primordial sea-cells.

Read the rest of this entry »

Wee: Scientific American is all “end the ban on psychoactive drug research!”

Walter Bishop.

All across the land, jittery-handed folk are raising their hands! Hoping that Scientific American‘s pean directed at the virtues of psychoactive drug research is heeded! I mean, I mean…why not? I’ve Fringe. Walter Bishop has convinced me that psychoactives allow you to deny space, time, and plot coherence.

Read the rest of this entry »