#Welcome To the Future

Finished Oculus Rift hitting shelves first quarter next year

Oculus Rift.

Finally! We know a pseudo-date for when we will be able to buy our Oculus Rifts. Don our haptic bodysuits. And bang one another in a virtual bathrub while the Kool-Aid man urinates delicious drink all over us! Next year!

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Apple TV service maybe/probably being released this Fall

Apple TV!

Apple TV Cable Thing may finally be ready to be revealed to the world. The Wall Street Journal people are reporting that it’ll be a smaller service than typically expected from cable companies. Around 25 channels. But for folks rocking the cord-cutting, it may just what they want.

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Weekend Open Bar: Sprang Breakk

sprang break

Oh, Lords of Kobol. Bless this rotten husk of a human. My week is over. After a stressful week of prepping to present at a conference, teaching, weeping, teaching, tutoring, prepping, driving to the conference, masturbating into a vial of tears in the lonely hotel room, presenting at the conference, and driving home. And to top that sweet, delicious-ass rump of a factoid off, it’s also SPRANG BREAK!!! So let’s gather around, folks. Pull a chair up to the Weekend Open Bar. The column at the end of the Universe where the degenerates aboard Space-Ship Omega (and you!) share what they’re up to over the course of the next two days.

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HBO dropping standalone “HBO Now” this April on Apple devices and PC

HBO NOW~

HBO is finally bringing a standalone HBO entity into the world! Provided, you know, you’re not mooching off of someone else’s HBO Go. Which is kinda like standalone because you’re not paying for shit. Just reaping all sorts of content. Muwahaha! (Thanks Mom! Thanks Dad!) The only rub? Shit is exclusive to Apple devices and PC.

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Sony’s Project Morpheus VR headset droppin’ first quarter 2016

Project Morpheus

Sony’s put a pseudo-release date on their entry in the Johnny Mnemonic sweepstakes. The son of a bitch will be dropping in the first quarter of the year next.

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Valve’s VR Headset called “Vive”, made by them HTC folks

viv3

HTC has tipped Valve’s VR headset hand, revealing they’re the manufacturers of the bad boy. A bad boy named “Vive”, for better or worse.

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Hackers stole hundreds of millions from banks in leet malware heist

HACKTHEPLANET

On and on and on and off we just unos and o’s! I just wanted to quote El-P, I’m not really sure if that opener fits. Just sort of like, you know. Hackers have stolen “hundreds of millions of dollars” in a totally gnarly malware heist. But it wasn’t noticed at first, because numbers in a computer mainframes are now what constitutes worth in this post-tangible dystopia. And I love it.

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Report: Apple working on self-driving car

tim COKZ

…because of course. Nice to see Apple joining Google in the race to awaken our Corporobotic Overlords.

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LOL: Samsung’s Smart TVs inserting Soda ads into users’ movies

NUTT pepsi but st2ill

Listen. I fuck with Pepsi Cola Corporation hard. I mean, sometimes I say, “oh I got blood in my DIET DEW STREAM”, and then fucking hate myself for my lame jokes. But I swear! I swear to Zeus and Aphrodite if I got a Pepsi ad in the middle of rewatching Guardians for Galaxy for the Nth time I would frisbee that fucking TV off the first drunken, stumbling neighbor I could find.

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Because Yeah: Apple is reportedly building own Web TV service

Tim Cook.

Why wouldn’t Apple use its seemingly financial clout to cobble together its own web TV service? Why wouldn’t they?!

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