Two fucking monstrosities are going to monetary war over the rights to Bond 25. You don’t get much more enormous than Amazon, but christ Apple probably is. These two beefy bitches are slinging around dough, with the distribution rights worth somewhere between $2 and $5 fucking billion.
The ‘It’ sequel is officially greenlit, which makes sense ’cause everyone I know is seeing this movie
It hasn’t even dropped yet, but its sequel is officially happening. However, this doesn’t really surprise me. The motherfucker has been tracking for a solid release since August, and roughly 75% of the people I am friends with are fervently fucking hyped for the movie.
Y’can set out to crack the moonrocks a hundred times – hell, a hundred thousand times – and it’ll never stop bein’ awe-induncin’. Here I am, Earthborn Nobody, crackin’ rocks on the moon. The fuckin’ moon! And y’look down at that chubby blue dot and get weak in the knees when y’think of all the beauty goin’ on down there.
First kisses and guitar lessons and autumn breezes coolin’ the backs of necks that’ve been sweatin’ all damn summer.
And y’just get enough strength back in y’knees to keep standin’ – hell, I’ll be honest, in normal gravity I’d probably have to have me a good five minute sit-and-cry – and y’get back to work, aimin’ y’pneumatic pickaxe at big clumps of lunar basalt and turnin’ `em into small clumps of lunar basalt. And then Charlie or Connie or Debbie or Dan’ll come on by to gather up whatever it is y’managed to crack, and then they’ll go on and rover `em over to the sortin’ station.
And that’s when y’take another minute or ten to yourself, to catch y’breath and think `bout how y’ain’t winded `cause of the work but `cause of the sight of that blue wonder in front of you, and y’know that it’s real and honest down there. And hell, y’know that y’took this goddamn job `cause you’re jus’ tryin’ to get by and y’know y’probably goin’ to die just as broke and untethered – maybe even more broke and more untethered – than when y’started the gig, but goddamn it y’gettin’ to see somethin’ most never even think to imagine.
To see humanity itself from the outside, to bear witness, it’s a fuckin’ gift. To look down and see the whole thing unfoldin’ before y’eyes, it’s overwhelmin’. Beautifully overwhelmin’. Typhoons and military coups and hands takin’ food out of hungry mouths? Sure, y’can’t deny it. But there’s also love letters and reunions and movie theaters and acts of forgiveness and comfortin’ sunsets watched from hospice windows durin’ final moments.
And honestly? I got no clue how it’ll all shake out in the end for us, no goddamn clue if the ledger’ll be red or black.
So I jus’ crack as many moonrocks as I can, bask in the fact that I even get to take part in this thing, and do my good goddamn best to just roll with it.
This is the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!
What you just read was nonsense from my brain. In order to create that sort of nonsense, I need to make sure that my brain is filled with other nonsense. So! I’m going to describe some of the nonsense I’ll be checking out this week, and then you hit up the comments and share what nonsense you’ll be consuming.
Nonsense! Nonsense! Nonsense!
3! 2! 1! Let’s go!
Spider-Nads? Bro, you even trying? (No, I’m not.) That said, I’m gladdened in said spider-nads (gladdening nads often exhibit signs of flush skin, tingling, and engorgement) at the news that the Homecoming writers will be returning for the sequel.
The Horror World lost a Titan this weekend, as Tobe Hooper has passed away.
The Daniel Craig and Bond will they/won’t they dance has finally come to its end-resolution-whatever-the-fuck. The actor will be returning for Bond 25, and then, that’s it.
Man. Netflix is officially giving Disney a run for its money, as the two seemingly vie to consolidate all of our pop culture under one umbrella. This, this can only end one way, right? With Disney buying Netflix.
‘The Dark Tower’ TV series gets ‘Walking Dead’ vet as showrunner because we’re still pretending its happening
The Dark Tower, as expected and according to reviews, is a calamitous turd pile of a movie. It will assuredly bomb, and then the bomb itself will crap its pants. So, I guess, I’m sort of confused as to why everyone is pretending a TV series is a given.
John Cena joins cast of ‘Transformers’ spin-off movie, the franchise finally doing something awesome
John Cena has joined the cast of the Transformers spin-off movie, you know the totally necessary deep dive into the ethos of Bumblebee. I’m just fucking around, I’m actually excited about this movie’s prospects. Good director. 1980s setting. Cena. I’m tentatively stoked.
This trailer is some straight-up Black Mirror shit, and I mean that in the best way possible.