Hey oh wow, Superman has a new, lighter costume.
I imagine the conversation that led to it went something like this.
If you needed more reason to understand why I fucking loathe the DCU while avidly worship (maybe too much? I’ll admit I’m a fanboy) the Marvel Cinematic Universe, here you go. Zack Snyder is a bro with aspirations of art. David S. Goyer is a hack who actively ruins scripts, and demeans comic book fans. Here’s the latest bullshit.
Zack Snyder continues to amaze me. It really blows my mind how he continues to blow my fucking mind. Frat Boy Rock has come out to discuss the endless destruction in Man of Steel and spends most of the time puking all over himself with terms he wields clumsily. (I’m an idiot too, don’t think I’m feeling superior.)
In the completely unsurprising department: Benny Affleck has signed his life away for multiple flicks, agreeing to play The Cowl’d One until roughly 2032. That’s just part and parcel when it comes to joining a superhero franchise these days. Last time I checked, Chris Evans’ had leased away his sperm’s rights to play Steve Rogers should he suffer a sudden end.
There is more, though. Affleck has agreed to help create his rendition of the Batman.
So an overrated, under-talented hack of a director and a washed-up, ideologically shifted writer walk into a bar. That’s uh, that’s all I got. Oh, I guess I could say this: I could not give less of a fuck about Frank Miller and Zack Snyder meeting to discuss how the former is going to shit all over the buttocks of the latter’s seminal work. You know, in an attempt to pay homage. Or be inspired by it. Or whatever.
Jeff Robinov came out this week and said that WB is working like motherfuckers on a Justice League of America movie. Okay. I’m already skeptical. The assumed idea would be that like Marvel is doing, WB would collate all of their singular big name stars like Van Wilder and Henry Cackle or whatever into one juggernaut flick with insane marketability.
Zack Snyder says motherfucking NAY!, to this occuring.
Sucker Punch: If a train wreck could have an abortion, and then that abortion was eaten, and vomited, and smeared onto celluloid.
We have reached the fucking vanishing point. The moment where what feels like every single fucking nerd trope we love has been sodomized, lobotomized, and left for dead. Sucker Punch is the runaway diarrhea train of disaster defecated on the brains of Geek America. I am a fat, unwashed, dork. With mouth-breathing tendencies, and extremely low expectations. I get hard at the sight of girls with swords, and can intellectualize my way out of feeling shitty for the obvious objectification inherent in women in skirts moaning as they labor. Even with that, Zack Snyder managed to nonsensically cobble together every single nerdboy’s fantasies into a withering, quivering, fluid-covered disaster.
I am suddenly very, very worried for Superman. Maybe I should have been before.