Sign I’m getting old: I ain’t even heard of Crossfire. Fucking free-to-play game first-person shooter. Despite not hearing of it, the son of a bitch made nearly a billion dollars last year. A fucking billion dollars!
Star Wars: The Old Republic cost $33 zillion dollars to make. It didn’t make that back. Now it is going free-to-play up until level 50, and Blizzard is once again sucking the marrow out of the bones of a fallen competition.
Do you care about Star Wars: World of Sithcraft? I don’t. Would you care about it if it was free?
I had no idea that Star Wars fan groups had such sway. While George Lucas may have rubber-stamped (a stamp forged in his laboratories using dark magic and our tears) Star Wars: The Old Republic as canon, the fan groups weren’t so quick to give it their blessing. Rejoice though, people of the desirous SWTOR cosplay. The game has passed the Crucible.
WoW has an unfathomable amount of subscribers, but the MMO to End All MMOs continues to shed them like a colonic-and-amphetamine-powered winter weight loss program. Or something. It makes sense to me.
I’m about to vomit about the new Star Wars RPG. This is Press Start. If you don’t give a fuck about the title, I’ve strewn the following throughout the post to keep your attention: a hot dog eating contest, a wasted Han Solo, and if none of those fit your fancy, the conclusion of the post is a fat kid dancing. Isn’t that enough spectacle?
I don’t know where Ilum is in SWTOR, but I shouldn’t be going to that fuckin’ place. No way. Not under level 40. If I go there, I’m going to get the Ban Hammer thunderously dropped on my ass.
SWTOR is kicking ass. Taking names. Force chokin’ bitches. Electronic Arts is touting it as the fastest-growing MMO in history, and the Star Wars geek in me giggle in glee.
There are times when the blue-veined monster whispers nothing-sense to me. It coos at me, driving down my already dessiccated and marooned on the side of my consciousness sense of Rationality. It tells me to do things. From with the dank Dagobah that is my swampy set of boxer briefs, it commands me. Put in your credit card information. Click those buttons. Sign up for that porn site. Dance, monkey! Dance, dinky! Soon all shall be right with the world. Let the buxom shake, let the artificial moans wash over you. Spend your money, do it, do it!
Star Wars: The Old Republic has run EA a considerable amount of imperial credits in development. Utilizing this knowledge and college degrees in nonsense and speculation, analysts have come to discern that it is a big risk for the company. Not particularly insightful, but the details about what they’d have to pull to make a profit is, thereby justifying my blathering here. Right? I hope?