Sucker Punch has dropped a trailer for their next game, Ghost Of Tsushima, and the shit looks hype. The company has never been up there with Naughty Dog or Bethesda for me. However, I’ll be good goddamned if they don’t consistently churn out enjoyable titles.
ALL THE LEAD DESIGNERS ARE LEAVING! All! It feels like every time I turn around another motherfucker has left their perch as Lead Designer of Studio X. This time it’s Jaime Griesemer, Lead Guy of Sucker Punch.
When people think of Boston’s beer, they probably think of Sam Adams. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, considering that the Boston Beer Company not only helped usher in the wonderful epoch of craft brewing in which now find ourselves but also continue to produce quality products. What would be a shame is if one were to think that Sam Adams is the only worthwhile suds-soda brewed in Greater Boston.
`Cause the fact of the matter – it ain’t.
Sure, if you’ve ever visited Lord Bergeron‘s domicile, you’ve probably stumbled across Boston Beer Works or Harpoon. While these brewers are good folk, and deserving of your palate’s attention, they’re essentially part of the same crew that John Adams’ cousin rolls with. But if you’re willing to look beyond even these supporting players, you might just find another star-to-be in the cast of Boston’s Brewahs!
And that’s exactly what I’ve done.
Tonight, I’m sipping on Porter Square Porter from the up-and-coming Slumbrew.
Sucker Punch: If a train wreck could have an abortion, and then that abortion was eaten, and vomited, and smeared onto celluloid.
We have reached the fucking vanishing point. The moment where what feels like every single fucking nerd trope we love has been sodomized, lobotomized, and left for dead. Sucker Punch is the runaway diarrhea train of disaster defecated on the brains of Geek America. I am a fat, unwashed, dork. With mouth-breathing tendencies, and extremely low expectations. I get hard at the sight of girls with swords, and can intellectualize my way out of feeling shitty for the obvious objectification inherent in women in skirts moaning as they labor. Even with that, Zack Snyder managed to nonsensically cobble together every single nerdboy’s fantasies into a withering, quivering, fluid-covered disaster.
I am suddenly very, very worried for Superman. Maybe I should have been before.
Everything about Zack Snyder’s forthcoming Sucker Punch has been marketed to the permanently adolescent juvenile boner brigade. Everything. This is a movie that is playing on dudes’ most basic desires to see chicks kick ass in skimpy skirts in environments and scenarios rendered from their comic book and video game infested brains. This marketing has worked on me. Worked well. What blew my mind today was something that the marketing has gone to great lengths to not mention. Sucker Punch has musical numbers. It looks like every dude with arrested development should buckle up, because this movie could very well be Glee for Dudes With Stained Undies.
The second trailer for Zack Snyder’s adolescent boner dream has dropped today, and it’s more of the same. Thankfully for me, more of the same is over-the top-action, midriffs, and over stylized bullshit. For all of these, I am a sucker.
I dug the trailer while trying to not realize how inherently sexist it is to presume that a girl’s dream world would find her running around with her stomach showing, a short skirt on, and her hair done up in blow job handles. No, Zack Snyder, if I had to guess that’s definitely not how a woman would envision empowering herself. It’s how permanently adolescent fucking pigs like you and myself would.
Hit the jump for the trailer.
I had only read about Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch prior to this trailer. And still smarting that he took (what I consider to be) a big fat Frat Boy Shit on Watchmen, I didn’t really want to give it much of a look. But now I have seen the trailer, and I think I have been altered for the better/worse.
Returning to where I think it makes sense for him to stay, Sucker Punch looks like the retarded nocturnal emission of a mentally-challenged 16 year-old who plays too much World of Warcraft and drinks too much Mountain Dew. It’s hyper-erotic-violence featuring chicks in short skirts and giant robotic samurai ninjas. It’s like the product of some dude stuck in arrested development, who has been snorting pixie sticks laced with crushed viagra, who then smokes weed and watches 300 and Kill Bill back to back.
In other words, it channels a vibe that speaks to a very, very large part of me, that only through an immense amount of anti-psychotics and self-control have I managed to partially contain.
Also, it’s got Jon fucking Hamm in it. In other words, my homo-crush, and if I could turn my feelings for him into dollar bills, I could buy at least three-hundred-million Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers.
Hit the jump and check out the trailer. If your response is “this is the most juvenile piece of video-game pop-slush bullshit I have ever seen, designed for underdeveloped horndogs”, my response is “Yes. I can’t wait.