#July2014

Valve’s crazy Steambox controller is getting pretty vanilla

Steambox Controller

When Valve first revealed their controller for theĀ Steam Hot Bot Your PC Games Console (and other sundry uses), it was a pretty fucking odd device. Such unconventional. Much out-of-box. But as time has progressed, the controller has become more and more homogenized into standard gaming fare. Case-in-point. The latest iteration of the fucker has gained a thumbstick.

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VALVE and Xi3 officially announce the STEAM CONSOLE or whatever.

Out, out, out of the shadows! Valve and some company I haven’t heard of (but you may have because you’re not ignorant like me) Xi3 have announced the oft-rumored Steambox. I don’t think it’s actually called that. But let us hang onto that easy to remember moniker for now. Cyeah!

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Report: Valve’s STEAM PC getting 2012 reveal, runs on Linux.

 

Prepare thyself for the Steambox/Steam PC/Steam set-top box! It’s coming. This year. Pinky swear. If you believe these reports, at least. For a few friends of mine, this is balls tantalizing news. How about yourself?

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Gabe Newell: Valve will release its own console-esque PC for living room.

Gabe Newell! Confirming what the lot of us already knew! Me! Reporting it days after it was first confirmed. Hey, whatever, bro.

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VALVE JOB AD proclaims they’re getting into the hardware business.

If you needed any more proof that Valve is getting into the hardware swagger unit, then this job posting should confirm it for you.

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GABE NEWELL: Valve & Apple Meeting DIDN’T HAPPEN. Wink. Wink.

Gabe Newell wants to squish all those Valve and Apple meeting in the darkness of daylight rumors. He wants to press his titanic ass cheeks right up against those rumors and vaporize them with the death air that has been trapped in his buttocks for nearly a decade.

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Rumor: APPLE Working On Games Console; VALVE Involved

We have reached the crossroads of Valve and Apple gaming console rumors. At this intersection, the two separate entities slam together, fusing into the monolithic Apple-Valve-Fucking-Console. A console made for fucking your entertainment center and forcing you to buy a larger one. You know, should it prove true.

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VALVE Job Listing Points To Plans For New ‘Gaming Experiences’. Teledildonics, I Bet.

Valve is totally, they swear to Jehovah, not working on a console. They’re not. So just disregard these job listings.

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