Scientists baffled by strange radio waves coming from center of the Milky Way Galaxy. The aliens are inside the cosmic house!
Scientists ain’t got a clue about the fucking strange radio waves coming from the center of our galaxy. Ain’t got a fucking clue! Straight baffled! But, I mean, come on. It’s (probably not) aliens. Obviously.
Scientists are like, we need to get the fuck outta here. We gotta find some habitable fucking planets. Well, they’ve found some massive ass ocean worlds. Good job, dorks. Good job, eggheads. Just kidding, I fucking love ya’ll. Now these planets. Do they have life? Perhaps! Could they support our life? Not sure! None the less, meet these fucking “Hycean” planets!
We finally know the size of Mars’ core, motherfuckers! This is thanks to Astronomy-Wizards and through the measuring of seismic activity, both of which are pretty impressive. What have we found, now that we’ve measured the core? It’s less dense than we thought! Yeah, I said we! As a human, I want in on this shit. Sitting here. In joggers. Farting. Staring at butts. This is it! This is my moment.
How’s this for a fucking Tuesday headline? To beat back the doldrums? Scientists believe they have found a chunk of an ancient protoplanet in Africa! In fact, the meteorite found last year is older than Earth itself. Like, let that swim around your brain-pieces. Ancient protoplanet. Older than Earth itself.
Scientists have repaired injured spinal cord using patient’s own stem cells. Holy fucking future, friends!
How is this for a welcome blast in the ass from the Future? Scientists have repaired a patient’s spinal cord, using their own stem cells. The patients reported substantial improvements to key functions, just weeks after the cells were injected. Mamma mia, the fucking implications!
Holy fuck, dudes. Scientists have communicated in real-time with lucid dreamers. Let that statement rattle around your brain. Then, wrap said brain in tinfoil while you sleep. ‘Cause them fuckers are coming for your dreams.
A giant telescope on the Moon? Intended to see into the Deep Past? Oh fuck yeah. My dudes, this is the astronomical shit I’m all about.
Scientists discover mysterious metal monolith in Utah. I’ve seen ‘2001’ and this shit is gonna be great
Ah, 2020. You just don’t fucking quit, man. I mean, seriously? Scientists have discovered a motherfucking mysterious metal monolith has been discovered in Utah. Like, you can’t make this shit up. But, I’m stoked. Time to get our asses to Jupiter.
On one hand, it’s pretty fucking cool that scientists have detected an unexplained glow. In the dark of deep space. On the other hand, you know, please don’t fuck with it.
I know we’re supposed to be like: fucking sweet, scientists have mapped 20% of the ocean floor. However, man! That means there’s 80% still not mapped. What horrors and thrills lie below?!