#May2019

‘Straight Outta Compton’ director is developing a ‘Saints Row’ movie. Get weird, or get out, IMO.

saints row movie

I fuck heavy with Saints Row. However, I really fuck heavy with the third and fourth installments of the franchise. This is when it began to, uh, lose its fucking mind. Therefore, I guess I’m theoretically excited for a Row flick? But, only if it’s got the self-awareness and mania that the latter installments brought.

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‘Agents of M.A.Y.H.E.M.’ Trailer: Voliton goes away from ‘Saints Row’ to fight Supervillains

No new Saints Row from Volition? Boo! Booing loudly!

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‘Saints Row’ creative director peacing out for Valve

saints row iv

Saints Row is losing its creative director. Irreverent, offensive, Smartest Dumb Game In The Room. Saints Row is like me in video game form. And I imagine a lot of the game’s vibe is due to Jaros, the aforementioned director.

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MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE: HOT DOGS-RELATED DEATHS

HULK FUCKING HOGAN.

Hello friends and family aboard the Spaceship Omega. As we hail from the Empire Proper, the lot of us shall be celebrating the Fourth of July. You’re not from this Solar System? Confused as to how we rock our celebrations around these parts? It’s simple! All you have to do to join us is fill yourselves with chemical-soaked animal flesh. In-between teeth gnashing the bits, swallow healthy amounts of Amber Liquids. These suds shall assuage the indigestion. Not only that, but they shall elevate you to another plane. Careful, though. Should you consume too much Amber Liquid and Animal Flesh, you may theoretically pass out in the kiddie pool. With your pants down. Theoretically, you’ll wake up lobster pink. The children will notice your lack of pants, the parents will notice the vomit baked into your beard.

So even though it isn’t in league with the celebration, I also caution temperance.

What are you doing to do the rest of the week? Glad you asked. Here is Monday Morning Commute, the column where us populators of the OL-Satellite share what we are up to during a given seven-day stretch.

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