Hello friends and family aboard the Spaceship Omega. As we hail from the Empire Proper, the lot of us shall be celebrating the Fourth of July. You’re not from this Solar System? Confused as to how we rock our celebrations around these parts? It’s simple! All you have to do to join us is fill yourselves with chemical-soaked animal flesh. In-between teeth gnashing the bits, swallow healthy amounts of Amber Liquids. These suds shall assuage the indigestion. Not only that, but they shall elevate you to another plane. Careful, though. Should you consume too much Amber Liquid and Animal Flesh, you may theoretically pass out in the kiddie pool. With your pants down. Theoretically, you’ll wake up lobster pink. The children will notice your lack of pants, the parents will notice the vomit baked into your beard.

So even though it isn’t in league with the celebration, I also caution temperance.

What are you doing to do the rest of the week? Glad you asked. Here is Monday Morning Commute, the column where us populators of the OL-Satellite share what we are up to during a given seven-day stretch.


Saints Row - The Third.

I’m totally playing Saints Row: The Third

I snagged this little piggy off of PlayStation Network Plus Gold Standard or whatever. How much did it run me? Free.99! How can you complain about that shit? You can’t! But…But if you truly had to complain…Here’s the thing. You’re not really getting free games on PSN+ or whatever. You’re getting to rent them for as long as you have the service.

Still though. Tangible ownership is for suckers. A delusion that the proles hang on to.

Oh, and the game? Fun.


Run the Jewels


Run the Jewels dropped. Let us rejoice.

The El-P/Killer Mike collaboration has dropped. For free.


Leviathan Wakes.

I’m reading Leviathan Wakes

I came across the book over on io9. I know, totally not cool to read Gawker websites. I watch in mock-horror as my Geek Credit drops nineteen points. Whatever. The novel is a very well written Space Opera. I’m not far in enough to comment on the entirety of the jam, but what I have consumed has been rather palatable. And shit, it’s a fucking space opera. I recommend it for fans of Fun Things, Action Sequences, Unnecessary Capitalizing, and Spaceships.



I will eat thirty-five hot dogs this Thursday

On Thursday, I’m going to eat thirty-five hot dogs. No one can stop me. As I stuff hot dog after hot dog down my gullet, friends and family will ask me to stop. I shall not. Further and further stuffed shall my stomach be. My girlfriend begins crying the first time I vomit onto my parents’ new puppy. I don’t care. I’m driven. This is for the troops. This is for America. As I lay strapped to the gurney while being transported to the hospital, I shall regret nothing. Not the fecal matter trailing down my leg. Not the tears of a woman too good for me. We are nothing without our sacrifices in the name of ‘Murica.


I keep watching the video for M.I.A.’s “Bring the Noize.”

There hasn’t been a point where I’ve enjoyed an entire album of M.I.A., at least not yet. However, every one of her videos manages to beguile me with spectacle and grooves. This latest video is no exception.



I finally saw Nicolas Winding Refn’s Pusher

As you may have noticed, Rendar and me began throwing barbs at one another over in Opinions Vary this week. Being brothers, this is nothing out of the norm. Even our most vociferous disagreements compare not at all to the days when I used to fart bare ass on his face. Though I must say I do take a bit of credit for his superior creativity due to this abject abuses. I can only imagine that years of huffing my noxious fumes opened up previously-unfiring neural pathways. Paved the way for his ascension into master of the arts.

Bro, you’re welcome.

Anyways, on Friday evening the two of us enjoyed Refn’s first work. We mashed locusts and broke bread. Nothing pulls us together like a mutual love. By the end of the evening we were once again the Brothers Omega. United in ultra-violence, caffeine addiction, and an appreciation for Mads Mikkelsen’s ability to throw a circle kick.


So what are you folks up to on this Fourth of July week? Hit me.