Ohhh man. You can hear the fanboys pulling their pubes out in hatred. Gnashing their teeth, particles of enamel and specks of drool hitting their keyboard as they type in hate. A female Thor? And now a black Captain America? Gracious.

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Marvel Teases A NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA. I Got $5 On Foggy


This is what happens when you read only like five Marvel comic books like me. You have no idea that there is even the necessity for a new Captain America, because you don’t know that Steve Rogers has lost his Super Soldier Serum. People are saying it may be Falcon. FWIW THOUGH? Bucky Barnes and his Robot Arm are The Shield’s OTP.

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Remender’s penning Marvel’s “AXIS” of Evil in October


I clearly need to be paying more attention to Rick Remender’s run on Uncanny Avengers. Through no fault of his own, I’ve sort of wavered in and out of his stories. Picking them up when I remember, forgetting them most of the time like a fucking dumb ass I mean — reading the announcement of the upcoming Axis event in October was out of control. Red Skull has the telepathy of Professor X? And the powers of Onslaught? Sign me up.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – August 15, 2012: Sextillion can’t handle Butcher Baker! Dude rolls hard.

Wednesday. The delicious oasis in the middle of the weekly grind. Deliver us from 9-5. Deliver us from Cubicles. Deliver us in the form of weekly sequential artwork. Laser beams. Righteous makers. Providing just enough escape to slog through the last two days. This here is Buy These F**king Comics!, the column where we share the various titles we’re excited for on a given week. This column is powered by audience interaction, so if you see my poor taste and me abstaining from mentioning a title, throw it into the ring. Sharing is caring.

Don’t know what is arriving on shelves? Hit up Comic List. It’s cool. We’ll wait.
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Rick Remender and John Romita Jr. throw ‘CAPTAIN AMERICA’ into the depression.

Rick Remender and John Romita Jr. have the less than enviable task of following up Ed Brubaker’s stellar run on Captain America for Marvel Now! Brubaker brought a decade of pure rock, dropping outstanding storylines and doing the unthinkable. He brought Bucky back and it was awesome. How do the two considerable talents follow up on such a run? By going in a different direction.

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‘CAPTAIN AMERICA’ designs for Marvel NOW! by OPENA and Cassaday revealed.

Jerome Opena and John Cassaday have both dropped new designs for Captain America to be used in the Marvel NOW! initiative. The odd thing is how different the two are. Like, which one is going to be canon? I’m way digging Opena’s reimagining, so I’m pulling for that one to go all de facto.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – July 25, 2012: Zen and the Art of Underwater Welding

Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the funny book column at the end of the Internet. Or perhaps more specifically, at some abandoned asteroid-mining station spiraling into terminal descent. We here aboard the rickety ship don’t have much to comfort ourselves outside of the weekly comic book drop that comes courtesy of the spectra-gryphons sailing the solar waves. Drunk on cheap bathtub fermented moon juice and delusional from the vertigo, I admit my picks for worthwhile comic books can strike the bow a bit askew.

That’s where you come in, friends. Pull down the the blast shield long enough to bark out your finds in staccato bursts, before retiring to your dimly lit crevice in this here rotting rooster of a spaceship.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Pivot sharply and race down the cyber-wells towards the glowing info-cube. Comic List.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – July 11, 2012: Jesus Christ Died For Your Splash Page.

Oh fuck my tits! Comic book day lands on 7-Eleven day as well? Don’t mind me as I drown myself in syrupy-assed Double Big Gulp thunder will plowing through the latest stack of funny titles. Oh, you’re new here? I didn’t think I recognized those gorgeous blue eyes or your markedly laissez-faire attitude. This here column is where us lasses and lads of the comic book proclivity share what we’re snagging on a particular Wednesday. Sit down next to me, I like your musk.

Not sure what’s dropping? Hit up Comic List.

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Cassaday’s Cover For ‘UNCANNY AVENGERS #1’ Debuts, Makes Me Smile. I Hate Myself.

One of the problems of being both bipolar and posting news and reacting to it immediately is that I often find myself oscillating. ‘Cause I’m crazy and also cause I don’t allow myself much time before passing the swag along to you folks. So despite my initial reaction and desired stance, I’m getting a tickle in my balls for Uncanny Avengers.

Here’s John fucking Cassaday’s cover.

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Marvel Announces ‘MARVEL NOW’ Bringing MASSIVE RELAUNCHES And I Quietly Weep.

Ugh. Jesus Christ. Now Marvel is relaunching everything ever, shaking up creators teams and daring to address everything save for good stories. Maybe these new titles will be good, maybe they won’t. However you know what dominates hype? Just fucking  quality storytelling. Just focus on it guys. Please. I’m begging you. The wave of hype will dissipate after we go “Wow! Relaunched bullshit that’ll devolve into status quo! This totally isn’t a response to the Blase 52!” and then things will return to functioning as a simmering churn factory for movie scripts.

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