#March2013
Capcom is remaking ‘DUCKTALES’, every gamer my age s**ts themselves.
Capcom has laid down a Mega-Ton Bombage today, rocking people of my proclivities (gaming) and age (old). The company is remastering the classic platformer DuckTales. A quick scan of my Twitter and Facebook feed confirms that this is giving most of the people I know raging sex glands.
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Final ‘NINTENDO POWER’ cover is sad and touching throwback. Rest easy, my friend.
Fare thee well, Nintendo Power. Even though I haven’t read you since I sprouted pubes, your loss will be felt in my heart. Or not. Actually, it probably won’t. Ever since I started jerking off to Kitana in my Mortal Kombat II strategy guide, I haven’t really thought about you at all. But uh. We had good times. Didn’t we? Sure.
‘WRECK-IT-RALPH’ features pretty boss ‘STREET FIGHTER II’ easter egg.
Definitely didn’t catch this when I saw the flick. Tremendous.
‘WRECK-IT RALPH’ INTERNATIONAL TRAILER: Pseudo-nostalgia glands a-glowing.
Wreck-It Ralph isn’t playing fair. It is working all sorts of pink, squishy geek lands. Furiously rubbing and manipulating them until those of us who grew up gaming can’t help but arch our back and unleash a torrent of blissful cinematic goo.
‘WRECK-IT RALPH’ TRAILER: Nostalgia-powered faux-throwback.
One of the neatest things about Wreck-It Ralph is that it has absolutely no claim on our childhood. Despite that, it is working its best to worm its way into our nostalgia. This latest trailer keeps up that movement, driving its sugary stake into our childhood, a place it never came from.
‘STAR WARS’ characters done up as 1980s teens. Denis Medri’s art dominates.
Denis Medri has imagined Star Wars characters as teens in the 1980s, and the result is about as balling as you would expect. There is nothing like multi-cultural-inbreeding to bring out the rampant nostalgia beasts. They have like a zillion horns, drink only at soda foundations, and have been known to demand their McDonald’s in styrofoam.
David Perry is ‘sure’ that a new ‘EARTHWORM JIM’ will happen. Eventually. C’mon bro!
Earthworm Jim. Stalwart fixture of my early adolescence, has slowly faded out of mind. Now its fucking creator is all talking about a new edition, getting me excited. I know he’s just teasing my tip. I know it. Yet I find myself dreaming of a new installment. Perry, you fucker.
Video: ‘MINECRAFT MIDGAR’ Is Fan-Service Insanity.
Feeling a little bit old-person here when I admit this, but I’m not really certain what Minercraft is all about. Yeah, I’m sorry. I find it a bit confusing. I know it’s an indie wonder, and you like…build stuff. Or something. Even without a direct grasp on what’s going on (a common situation for me), I can still respect this. It’s Midgar from Final Fantasy VII recreated in the game in staggering, staggering, staggering fucking detail.
Hit the jump to check it out.
1970’s Nintendo Advertising Is Straight-Up Rip-Off Mode
Back in the 1970’s, Nintendo wasn’t a console making machine. Naw, they made arcade games. Very similar to Space Invaders, but totally not a rip-off. Winky wink. Just keep walking. Unless you’re going to play. Then give them your quarters. All of them.
Expendables 2 Poster: Dude-Bro Homoerotic Phallus Firing!
The first Sly-powered Expendables sucked. Far too much talking and Whiplash’s drooly lip, not enough destruction and death. Hopefully the sequel can invert the ratio between Pointless Pontification and Metal Phalluses Spewing Death. I mean fuck, it’s got a washed-up cast for the ages.
Hit the jump for the poster.
