#December2016
‘Wipeout’ Remasters Coming To PlayStation 4 In The ‘Omega Collection’
Wipeout is getting itself a remastered anthology on the PlayStation 4, titled the Omega Collection. Listen, anyone affixing “omega” to anything is fucking clutch in my book. So I give this development my approval. It also doesn’t hurt that the fucking Wipeout games were fantastic, and it’s a goddamn shame we haven’t gotten a new one since 2012.
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‘GoldenEye 007’ gets a new unofficial multiplayer remake with modern graphics
One of the most soul-crushing moments in nostalgic gaming is when you return to an old favorite and it just…sort…of…completely diarrhea blasts the honeyed lens through which you view it. Fans more talented than me clearly have felt this same horror as me, and they take it upon themselves to remake said classics. Give them the spit shine the titles need to match our collective memories.
Microsoft files ‘Battletoads’ trademark, my childhood weeps happily
Microsoft has filed a trademark for Battletoads. According to the Web, of course. SURELY YOU JEST, CRUEL INTERNET? Don’t fuck around with me. I’m more than fucking ready to rock out to a modern, side-scrolling Toadtacular beat ’em up. So don’t play with my heart.
E3 2014: ‘ZELDA WII U’ Gamplay Trailer: Turbo-Boner Nostalgia Hysteria
I don’t even know what the fuck to to say to you if you’re not down with this Zelda Wii-Wii-And-Me-And-U footage. It’s more or less the most taint-glazing batch of fanboy gameplay eroticism that Nintendo has trotted out since the original Super Mario Galaxy reveal in 1932. I say GODDAMN. Deliver me unto 2015.
‘VERONICA MARS’ Movie Trailer: That Feel Good Nostalgia
Whoop, whoop! That’s the sound of the police! Or rather the witty, teenage gumshoe Veronica Mars back on the scene. But she ain’t a teenager no more, and this ain’t the small screen. Boom! See! ‘Cause it’s the trailer for the Veronica Mars movie. I’m fucking stoked! Stoked! Watching the trailer reminds me of how much I used to love this show. And how long ago the show was on. Fuck, I’m getting old. Darkness, darkness. Beautiful Kristen Bell. More darkness.
‘MARVEL KNIGHTS’ returning with several INDIE-CREATOR driven series. MATT KINDT like wut?
Marvel Knights is returning, baby! Back in the day, Marvel Knights arrived on the scene and punched my balls with awesomeness. Maybe it doesn’t hold up (I don’t remember), but the Kevin Smith and Joe Quesada run on Daredevil was one of my favorites at the time. So I’m pretty goddamn excited that the imprint is returning under the tutelage of some indie darlings.
Press Start: Dare to Care
Week in, week out, I find that I give fewer and fewer fucks about my greatest love: video games. Something about the world has changed recently: perhaps it’s a winding down as the console generation nears to a close, or maybe the industry has just plain run out of ideas. Whichever the case may be, I can’t help but wonder why anybody other than dedicated, pathetic losers like myself would be inclined to care. Abruptly, he slaps himself across the face with a force that ejects two fillings and a week’s worth of shitty debris that previously resided underneath his grubby fingernails. God-fucking-dammit, man! This is your one-true, your reason d’etre! C’mon, surely I can muster up a handful of halfway adequate reasons to deter any other would-be quitters. Here goes.
