Thar be some insane muscles!

I always wonder what sort of horse-balls derived, HGH-rich diet Hollywood actors are on, to achieve the physiques of well, Norse gods. Bask in the rippling mountains of Thor’s muscles in this picture. And silently weep (if you’re like me) at your lax, rippling waves of lack-of-tone.

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For the upcoming San Diego Comic Con, Marvel has dropped two super-ballin’ concept paintings. One for Captain America, and one for Thor. These guys are absurdly bad ass.

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The great irony here may be that the paintings designed to promote the movies may actually show why there’s something about these characters in graphic form that cannot be captured by cameras.

Amazing Spider-Man #638
Alright, fuck every other comic that is coming out this week, I want to talk about Peter Parker. This week, the Spider-Man event One Moment In Time is kicking off. The event is in response to the other Spidey event that took place in 2007. That shiz was called Brand New Day. In this wonderful arc, Spider-Man was faced with a choice presented by Mephisto. Mephisto was all like, “Yo, I can save your dying Aunt May. But in return, you will never have married Mary Jane.”

Somehow, and for some reason, Peter Parker decided that this was a solid deal. What a dumb bastard. He chose his rickety old fucking Aunt May, over his gorgeous, accepting supermodel wife? This shit has irked me for some time now. Dude Pete, she ain’t even your Mom, yo. I know, I know, same thing, close enough, blah blah blah. So poof! With a wink and a nod, and probably some magical smoke that makes people disappear and stuff, Mary Jane and Peter Parker were never married.

Somehow.

Why’d it happen?

Well, it happened because Mephisto wanted Parker’s love. Or something. But we know why it really happened: because Marvel had no idea what the fuck to do with Peter Parker anymore. Parker was the character that apparently everybody related to growing up. I didn’t, I was a total X-Men dude. I was more comfortable running around with a pack of mutants, watching Wolverine gut dudes and totally talk smack to Scotty Summers and secretly hitting on Jean Grey.

[As a brief aside, did you ever consider Wolverine’s enhanced senses? Like, what’d they be like in the bedroom? I imagine sniffing a pair of panties with his leet skills is either the greatest thing ever, or he passes out and goes semi-catatonic.]

But anyways, people related to him. Why? Because he was dorky, and disaffected. Because he didn’t fit in, and he had typical teenage angst, and he had a rough go of things. His parents were dead, he kept waking up with webbing in his pants thinking about watching Mary Jane cheerleading at the pep rally.

Peter Parker married to Mary Jane?

That shit changes everything! Parker wasn’t angsty anymore, he wasn’t unfulfilled. He was a middle-class teacher, married to a gorgeous supermodel who accepted him for all his quirks and the fact that he dresses up in tights and fights giant reptiles. Acceptance. Evolution. Before Brand New Day, Parker wasn’t the character that people had grown up to love, who was eminently relatable. He was normal. And apparently that was boring enough, and scary enough, and far enough away from his “roots” as Joe Quesada put it, that they had to use one of the most contrived storyline mechanics I can recall to pull it off.

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[via slashfilm | click to enlarge]

Hello true believers! How do you feel about more awkward, well-lit pictures from the Thor movie set?! Designed to simultaneously excite you, but make you worry, because something about them doesn’t look quite right? This shit looks like it was taken with a disposable camera from a hot air balloon.

via slashfilm:

A new photo from Marvel Studio’s big screen adaptation of Thor was released in today’s print edition of the Los Angeles Times. The new photo reveals a wide angle view of the epic set of the Hall of Asgard, featuring a kneeling Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Asgardians Fandral the Dashing (Josh Dallas), Hogun the Grim (Tadanobu Asano) and Frigga (Rene Russo); and Odin (Anthony Hopkins) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston) both sporting ceremonial helmets

The set looks dope though, I’ll give them that. Here’s hoping it all translates well to film. If not? Forsooth, and shit!

[via slashfilm : click to enlarge]

In case you can’t tell, I’m pretty interested in the Thor movie. I know there’s douchey Green Lanterns out there, and that X-Men: First Class movie that’s getting fast tracked and is going to suck. But I’m in it to win it with Norse Thunder and the Asgardian Bromites. So with that said, I’m digging this picture released today, from what I’m assuming is the same issue of EW that has the Green Lantern crap.

It looks decidedly less lame, a bit more in context, and the outfits appear to cost more than $10.

The whirlwind continues! Who the funk shall be playing the nerdy scientist/green avalanche of destruction, rippling muscle, and awesome purple shorts? Mark Ruffalo? Maybe?

via slashfilm:

Deadline reports is that Mark Ruffalo is in ‘late stage talks’ to be the new Bruce Banner and Incredible Hulk in The Avengers. That’s all the info we’ve got right now, but I love the idea. I’ve enjoyed Ruffalo’s work for a long time, and while his basic mode is pretty much the polar opposite of The Avengers, I think he could be great fun. Think of his performance in The Brothers Bloom modulated by his serious but pulpy work in Shutter Island. Yeah, this may do nicely. More details as they come in.

UPDATE: THR says that the deal-making process for Ruffalo isn’t as far along as Deadline made it sound. According to the trade, an offer is out to Ruffalo, which he is considering, but he hasn’t met with Joss Whedon. THR says they may meet late this week or over the pre-Comic Con weekend.

Mark Ruffalo was in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That’s enough for me. Sold.com It’s interesting to see as Marvel is scrambling like fuck to get someone cast. You just know their wet dreams involved being able to roll out the entire ensemble at ComiCon.

Edward Norton? No!

Joaquin Phoenix? No!

Mark Ruffalo? Maybe!

Props to my friend Jill for bringing this picture to my attention. And subsequently scarring my poor eyes. Drink in the first official photo of Anthony Hopkins as Odin and Some Dude as Loki.

Thoughts? I think it looks lame as fuck. However, since I’m trying to keep my P(ositive) M(ental) A(ttitude), I’m going to hope the suits and appearance look less barf-full when we see them in context. Remember how goofy Nolan’s Batman suit looked when we all first saw it? It was set against white or something and I was all “Uhhhhh.”

Yeah, maybe it’ll be that way. I hope.

Over the weekend, it was announced that Edward Norton was not gonna be Brucey Banner no more. It was all totally contentious.

Marvel talked shit:

via slashfilm:

Our decision [to recast the role] is definitely not one based on monetary factors, but instead rooted in the need for an actor who embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of our other talented cast members.

Then Edward Norton’s agent fired back:

via slashfilm:

Here are the facts:   two months ago, Kevin called me and said he wanted Edward to reprise the role of Bruce Banner in The Avengers.   He told me it would be his fantasy to bring Edward on stage with the rest of the cast at ComiCon and make it the event of the convention.   When I said that Edward was definitely open to this idea, Kevin was very excited and we agreed that Edward should meet with Joss Whedon to discuss the project.   Edward and Joss had a very good meeting (confirmed by Feige to me) at which Edward said he was enthusiastic at the prospect of being a part of the ensemble cast.   Marvel subsequently made him a financial offer to be in the film and both sides started negotiating in good faith.   This past Wednesday, after several weeks of civil, uncontentious discussions, but before we had come to terms on a deal, a representative from Marvel called to say they had decided to go in another direction with the part.   This seemed to us to be a financial decision but, whatever the case, it is completely their prerogative, and we accepted their decision with no hard feelings.

And what should have been a quiet weekend letting nerds like me jack off in peace turned into something interesting. I’m pretty bummed that Eddie is out. He’s one of my favorite actors, and the idea that I could have seen him and RDJ on screen at the same time was totally invigorating to my southern continent.

Today it came out that Joaquin Phoenix may be the dude to fill Norton’s shoes in the Avengers movie.

via chud:

Reliable sources tell me that Marvel has already put out an offer, and the actor they’ve spoken to is Joaquin Phoenix, believe it or not. Phoenix is taking time to mull over the offer and the bigger implications – Marvel may yet resurrect the Hulk franchise – but Marvel hopes to have him in place by Comic Con, which is when they want to announce their new Bruce Banner.

Shit be percolating for sure. If Norton has to leave, why not cast someone who is bat shit crazy like Joaquin Phoenix? I’m sort of feeling it. Drop your thoughts in the comments box.

And a thousand thunders uttered, welcome to Variant Covers! Your hostel, your refuge from intelligent comic book talk. No sir, here at Variant Covers I pledge to inundate your unsuspecting brainstem with talk of superheroes, superpowers, and super fanboy-boners over things that are exciting me this current week in comic books. Don’t say I didn’t never warn you, ya’lll!

This week is chock full of fucking righteous comic book dalliances awaiting all of my kindred spirits. The sort of week that makes up for every installment of my blathering here which sounds like “Oh golly gee whiz, ain’t nothing droppin’ whine whine whine blah blah.”

Buckle up, I got a chubby for panels and pencils and dialogue boxes this week.

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Casanova #1
If you spend any amount of time loitering within the halls of Variant Covers, you know that one of my most revered writers is Matt Fraction. I think his ability to manipulate serious political issues within the realms of robot suits and billionaire playboys is amazing. In my more fanboyish moments, I am certain he’s doing something special with Tony Stark during a period in which the character’s popularity is unfathomably enormous. Pick up Invincible Iron Man, and you’re getting all the big budget theatrics of the movies interfacing with all the sort of culturally aware political commentary that you wouldn’t expect.

This week, Fraction’s getting his original work, Casanova, reprinted through Marvel’s Icon line. If you didn’t check out Casanova, you’re not alone. Penned back in 2006, it was where Fraction cut his teeth, and was to my understanding, not widely printed. I also understand nothing, so I could be completely incorrect. Whatever! Fraction takes you on a journey with intergalactic superspy Casanova Quinn, and it is absolutely insane. I’ve gotten to read the first couple of issues, and it really rocks out like nothing in Fraction’s Marvel catalog.

The series is getting reprinted in two four-issue arcs and in full color for the first time, and then Fraction is going to tackle the third volume of the series. I’m looking forward to it; it’ll be intriguing to see embryonic Fraction, fumbling through his first moments in comic book crafting. It’s a bit gushy, but the guy is extremely well-spoken, and beyond talented, and this is going to dominate my reading tomorrow.

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Batman: Odyssey #1
This week, we be getting the first issue of Neal Adam’s extravaganza. Adams has been instrumental in crafting the god damn Batman that we’ve come to know and love. His work in the 1970’s, were the “eggs [he] laid all those years ago” that have resulted in what “Batman has finally become”. Adams has returned to the Flying Rodent to examine the “now what” of Batman in this day and age. This meditation is arriving in the form of a six-issue extravaganza, and the man himself will be writing and drawing the entire storyline, as well as inking the first two issues.

I’m stoked.

Whether or not you’ve read Adam’s work on Batman, you’ve felt the repercussions if you’ve dallied in the world of Bruce Wayne. For someone who helped sculpt the character to return and give us a new storyline is pretty stellar. Frank Miller tried to do that with All-Star Batman and Robin, but I have a better chance of actually graduating from my Master’s Degree and entering the real world before it actually wraps up. So I’m going to have to cling Adams to deliver me some interesting new spins by someone who delivered a seminal work.

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Emma Frost has become, in recent years, a ridiculously over sexualized member of the X-Men universe. To the point where even I, horndog personified, have been like: alright, c’mon now, calm down. Nonetheless,   Alice Eve, also known as That Chick from She’s Out Of My League has been cast as the White Queen.

via slashfilm:

Briefly: Alice Eve, the lead actress from She’s Out of My League, is in talks with Fox to play Emma Frost in Matthew Vaughn’s upcoming X-Men: First Class, reports Deadline. Not long ago, very tenuous rumor had suggested the role might go to Rosamund Pike, but Pike has also been linked to the role of Moira McTaggert.

Yes? No? What do you guys think.