Free at last! Free at last! Spider-Man has been (somewhat) released from his Sony Pictures Prison, and joined the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And with that new beginning brings a new Spider-Man, as the role is being recast. The new Web-Slinger will first debut in a MCU movie before snagging his own. Given the Marvel timeline that has Parker’s own movie dropping in 2017, it seems his debut will be Civil War and not Infinity War. If I had to fucking guess.

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SHOUT OUT TO MARVEL. No matter how fucking wonderfully successful they are. No matter how much virgin’s blood Kevin Feige bathes in while he dominates the pop culture landscape. No matter how much money they make with a furry raccoon. They will! They WILL always have shitty, awkwardly-posed magazine covers and posters.

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It’s official, folks. Boringface Cucumbersandwich has landed the lead in Doctor Strange. Make of that what you will.

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Is this news? Probably fucking not! Am I a Marvel fanboy? Absolutely! And what does that mean? I’M GOING TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT THIS! *Rips off shirt, revealing painting of Kevin Feige on my chest that I cultivated from my own feces.*

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Kevin Smith is giving us what the Marvel Universe (and to be fair the DC Universe, and all the other sorts of Comic Book Universes) seem reluctant to do: a superhero flick starring women. Specifically, teenage women. Most specifically, Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp’s daughters. You read that right.

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For all of Marvel Studios’ success, the one consistent drumbeat (understandably) is for more diversity. A female-led movie. An African-American led movie. And while Marvel Studios’ Head Czar comes up with a litany of crap to explain away why they haven’t “found time in their release schedule” for a female-led movie, another studio is going go ahead and get this shit done. With a Marvel character. Before them. Good looks, Sony.

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GoTG ain’t even hit the theaters yet, but that hasn’t stopped Marvel from planning for the sequel. The next installment in the franchise is hitting in three years, and it’ll be helmed by the same Jimmy Gunn. Provided the first movie is as fucking dope as it seems, this is all most-gnarly news.

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GET IT?! Cause Feige is the dude who is maybe-probably-purportedly responsible for ordering the Thousand Cuts of Death script tweak that sent Edgar Wright walking from Ant-Man. Ahhh, fuck me. Anyways. Here’s the villain of the movie. Maybe.

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A shortlist of the directors that could replace Edgar Wright on Ant-Man has been revealed. And while there’s no replacing Wright, and it seems awkward that someone is going to be helming his brain baby, there are certainly worse directors than the ones revealed. (Better ones too, okay, granted.)

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So after like four days or whatever (three years if you’re counting the time I spent in my Time Shed after this calamity), I’m not as distraught about Edgar Wright leaving Ant-Man. Actually. That’s probably a lie. But even as the wounds try to heal, more news continues to trickle out. When this story first broke, one of the surprising morsels was that the script rewrites were ordered by someone above MCU Czar Mind-Lord, Kevin Feige. But apparently! That ain’t true.

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