#January2014
Best of 2013 – Johnny Hotsauce’s Picks
2013 is no more. The New Year’s Day hangover has worn off, the world keeps turning, and the universe cares not how we mark the time. Nevertheless, we are here to reminisce, and the past year for me was pretty good, I gotta say. I’d describe it in detail, but I’m saving this shit for my autobiography. I can’t spoil the goods now, ya know? Let’s just say it was epic. Like “ripping Conan the Cimmerian from fictionspace, injecting him with bath salts and letting him loose during a live taping of Big Bang Theory” kinda epic.
What I can divulge to you all is the stuff that I really loved about the pop culture of 2013, and there was a lot to love, to be honest. Television has never been more bountiful, comic books had a banner year, and I bought more music in 2013 than I have in quite some time.
So, without further ado, and because I’m a goddamned list-maker/lover at heart, here’s some of my favorite stuff from the past 365.
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BLANKA BOYZ EPISODE 1: BLOOD DRAGONS & GRAFFITI ARTISTS
Oh shit! The first episode of The Faux Bot’s Blanka Boyz has arrived. Buckle up and prepare for it to fuck your eye-parts with 16-bit-32-bit-64-bit-Something-bit madness! It’s like Everything Is Terrible drained through a sock laced with seminal fluids and Super Nintendo parts.
‘FAR CRY 3: BLOOD DRAGON’ Reveal Trailer: SAUSAGE PANCAKES & CYBER HELL.
Oh, Blood Dragon. You’re directly out of my wettest of neon cyber-dreams. Directly. It is as though someone reached deep into my urethra with honey-fingers and yanked you out.
‘FAR CRY 3: BLOOD DRAGON’ stars KYLE REESE from ‘TERMINATOR’, will blow your mind on May 1.
The hits just keep coming with Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon. Not only is there less than a month until this game’s cyber-arm will blast our gaming G and P-spots, but the fucking game is starring none other than Kyle Reese. Can you feel my nipples hardening from there? I’m carving your name in ice with them. I love you. Let us love this game together.
Monday Morning Commute: It Is The Year 2007. It Is The Future.
Yeah, total rip-off of the Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon premise for the article title. I can’t help it. That game has my tits a-twitter in ways that are normally relegated to the seedier portions of my tumblr dashboard. How are you doing this Monday? I am well, thank you for asking. Here on April the 8, it is going to climb to nearly sixty degrees in my neck of the Empire. That warmed clime is itself enough to make me smile. This is Monday Morning Commute, and herein are the things on my mind this week. Arts, farts, et cetera.
‘FAR CRY 3: BLOOD DRAGON’ is the 80’s SCI-FI METAL VOMIT you need.
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is everything a science-fiction heavy metal asshole like myself wants in life. It appears to be all of the Far Cry 3 that blew my asshole out, wrapped around a delicious sci-fi 1980s motif. If this is some sort of April Fool’s joke, someone is getting punched right in the fucking neck. We’re talking crushed something-suches in their spinal column and shit.
