NASA’s TESS mission finds Earth-sized planet in the habitable zone. Which is rad and all, but like, it’s 100 light-years away

nasa tess earth sized planet habitable zone

On one hand, I want to be really stoked about NASA finding an Earth-sized planet in the habitable zone. But, at the same time we’re doing a good job of toasting ourselves before we get anywhere near a planet 100 light-years away. You know?

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The nearest star to us, Proxima Centauri, may have a second exoplanet. Spill your secrets, cosmos!

proxima centauri second exoplanet

Proxima Centauri is the nearest star to us. And we’ve known for a while that it had an exoplanet. However, scientists now believe the motherfucker may have a second exoplanet orbiting it. Read the rest of this entry »

Citizen Astronomers found new planet that NASA algorithms missed. We out here DOING WORK, friends

citizen astronomers new planet nasa missed

Citizen astronomers out here doing work! Making moves! Finding planets! What a future, friends. What a future.

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NASA Has Discovered 7 Earth-sized Planets 40 Light-Years Away

nasa 7 earth-sized planets

NASA has dropped the boom on their teased discovery. Seven Earth-sized planets 40 light-years away. Three in the habitable “Goldilocks” zone. Everyone is understandably excited about this news, so let me be a downer. 40 light-years away is more than enough distance for us to never get there, especially since we got like 100 years left on this rotting formerly Blue Marble.


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NASA *confirms* first near-Earth-size planet in “habitable zone”


Pack your bags, it’s on! We’ve found ourselves a confirmed near-Earth-sized planet rocking out in the “habitable zone.” And it’s only a mere 1,400 light-years away!

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Astronomers discover “MEGA EARTH” which SHOULDN’T EXIST


Fuckin’ astronomers DON’T KNOW SHIT. But don’t tell them that. Oh, no! One minute they’re decrying my idea that Mars is secretly terraformed, and the Bill Gates-led Illuminati is living on it. LIKE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. The next minute the fucking ding dongs are announcing that they’ve discovered a Mega Earth. Which shouldn’t exist. according to previously understood Astrono-Theory.

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NASA astronomer finds first EARTH-SIZED planet in habitable zone. Pack yer bags.


Pack your bags! Once we can conquer the impossible and traffic faster than light, we’ve found our first stop. Motherfuckin’ Earth-sized planet has been spotted in the “juicy space spot”, where planets thrive. I’m just spit balling. I don’t really know what I’m talking about. Too busy fingering my ass in public and screaming “you’ll never find me where I’m going!” while wearing my NASA space suit.

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NASA has announced discovery of 715 MORE EXOPLANETS

Outer Space.

All the planets! We will discover them all! And then — then we will silently weep because we will never reach any of them. Goddamn technological limitations! Goddamn laws of the Universe.

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The Hellish twin.

Earth! It has itself a fucking twin. The only problem is that this Exoplanet twin is a scalding little piece of hell, constantly whipping around its star with an impressive fervor.

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Newly Discovered EXOPLANETS Are 13 Billion Years-Old. Big Bang Levels Of Old.

A mere 375 light-years away lurks the star  HIP 11952 and its two planets. These days exoplanets are a dime a goddamn dozen, but these two are a bit on the special tip. Using their brain-cannons to calculate and tabulate, people smarter than me have dated these two pigs at nearly the same age as the Big Bang.

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