Facebook! You know, the monolith that we all simultaneously hate and prostrate ourselves before? The one that fucks up everything? Well, this gang of chucklefuck morons is developing a cryptocurrency.
Why the fuck not, right? Burger King has launched a cryptocurrency in Russia, the WhopperCoin. Can’t make this shit up. Some straight-up Snow Crash shit. The future is wild.
What the fuck is Cryptolicious? A man’s fried brain desperately trying to come up with a title. That same man’s brain failing. But efforting anyways, promising itself it’ll at least keep functioning until the large chicken parmesan calzone arrives. Soon: food. But now: cryptocurrency news.
And there will be BITCOIN FREEDOM FOR ALL CRYPTOCURRENCY FREEDOM FREEDOM DAMN THE MAN BORDERLESS DRUG BUYING. Except now it seems that 51% of Bitcoin mining is coming from one anonymous source. Who, if you know fucking anything about Life, is the Steve Jobs-led Illuminati on a terraformed Mars.
My future is arriving, albeit slowly! You know, no jet packs yet. And you can’t gamble with cryptocurrencies, either. However! You can stay in a fucking Las Vegas hotel room currency of the wunder-moneys. That’s gotta…that’s gotta be some shade of cool. Right?
Coinye West is coming! Coinye West is coming! Sweet Jesus if that dude needed anything else to fluff up his ego, now he’s at the center of a new cryptocurrency. Welcome to the future, folks. It’s an odd place. I think I’ll stay. Pay for my adventures with an untraceable currency sporting Kanye West’s face.