‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ hype machine begins with viral ‘Epsilon Program’ site dogging Scientology.
Vroom! Vroom! That’s the awful-pun sounds of Grand Theft Auto V‘s marketing campaign kicking off. Ain’t never been no sacred cows in the line of this franchise, and now it appears that Scientology will be getting dragged through the mud in the fifth installment. Fantastic.
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‘FIRST CLASS’ sequel’s title is ‘DAYS OF FUTURE PAST’, and this could be the goddamn glory.
The sequel to X-Men: First Class is called Days of Future Past. Goodness me, if they can bring that storyline to life with something resembling fidelity I am sprung. Goddamn sprung. It is one of my favorite X-Men tales of all time, though I know I am not exactly setting myself apart by saying so.
VINCE VAUGHN bringing ‘THE BRADY BUNCH’ back to TV. Two sucky entities collide.
Vince Vaughn, that guy who says those things that aren’t really funny anymore, is dragging up the lifeless corpse of an old television favorite back into the idiot box. I’d say if there is a God this won’t be a success, but maybe that dude just loves girls getting hit in the nose with footballs. Who knows.
‘PROMETHEUS 2’ is going to happen. Oh please no faith-heavy pedantry.
Well, fuck. Prometheus 2 is going to enter into this world, aiming straight for our cerebral cortex with vomit-inducing themes of faith and nonsense. Here is hoping Ridley Scott can find himself a human being aside from Damon Lindelof to write the script. Here is hoping Lindelof’s busy schedule doesn’t let him do it. It’d be amazing to see what could happen if the writer wasn’t patting himself on the back with one hand, while mashing out high-fives to Christianity with the other ad nauseam.
‘BATTLESHIP’ drags down Universal Pictures profits by over $80 milli. Everyone dance.
It is a tasty world when a flick based off of a board game fails in rather spectacular fashion. Not usually one to rub salt in the wound, I never the less still enjoy dancing on the ashes of this movie.
3D-Printed model of your UNBORN FETUS will only run you $1,230. The future, man.
Yo, all I’m saying is that even if you have the money don’t buy this. You don’t need a 3D model of your half-baked alien parasite all up in your womb. You don’t. Shit is creepy. Looks like some monster I’ve stomped running around in Dead Space, screaming and cursing the world.
Now Listening: Devin Townsend Project – ‘Effervescent’ (Epicloud Teaser)
The Brothers Omega have not been strangers in espousing their love for Devin Townsend and his myriad styles. Since Rendar pointed me towards this teaser for Hevy Devy’s latest album, I’ve been riffing on it nonstop. Pop metal that shall strike like a lightning-bolt set of stairs taking you to Valhalla.
The Dude’s High 5s: Sketch Comedy Skits
Remember when sketch comedy was all the rage? You don’t? It wasn’t that long ago … ok, maybe it was the mid 90’s, but that’s what 15 years ago. Fuck I’m old. Well, today’s High 5 will be looking over some of my (and your) favorite skits from the various skit shows out there.
Buy These F**king Comics! – August 1, 2012: Hawkeye Is A Homewrecker
Welcome friends to the place for fans of the sequential art, thrice-engorged breasts, and monologuing. This here column is the watering hole where you can share the funny rags you’re snagging on a given week. The hole itself is Mountain Dew laced with hallucinogens, so right about the time all our faces become gaping maw anuses rocketing lasers into the night sky, begin screaming your choices while running into the wilderness.
You may notice that my choices are indubitably not yours, and that’s cool. Use it as an opportunity to recommend the hotness that no one else is mentioning, or perhaps has not heard of. If you don’t know what’s what titles are arriving this week, hit up Comic List.
‘STAR WARS: THE OLD REPUBLIC’ goes free-to-play. All shall bow.
Star Wars: The Old Republic cost $33 zillion dollars to make. It didn’t make that back. Now it is going free-to-play up until level 50, and Blizzard is once again sucking the marrow out of the bones of a fallen competition.
