Gorgeous ‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ cosplayer gets actual job promoting game.
Good lass Anna Moleva crushed it with some BioShock Infinite cosplay in which she looked eerily similar to the game’s female protagonist. She crushed it so much, in fact, that she has been hired to appear in promotional materials for the title. This is full of win. So, so full. In fact, they had to slit its gills just to stuff more win into the entity.
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NASA has discovered organic compounds on Mars. Or not. Equivocating like woah.
It’s time to get excited, while simultaneously not getting excited! NASA has unveiled that they’ve found organic compounds on Mars, except maybe they’re not from Mars. Yeah, wait, huh? Am I excited, or not? I have this pint of apple-urine deliciousness, but I need to know if I’m throwing it on a flower or drinking it with a smile. Someone. Tell me.
‘STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS’ poster will tickle your cumberbatch.
Oh yeah! Brooding Dark Knight Rises poster! Er. Wait. Brooding Star Trek Into Darkness poster!
Monday Morning Commute: Turn Off the Goddamn Oven!
“I shouldn’t’ve done this. She’s not safe by herself. We gotta go back.”
“Dammit Greg, we haven’t had a date-nite in thirteen weeks.”
“You’ve been keeping track?”
“Of course I’ve been keeping track. Date-nite is a sacred event, a testament to the wonder that is our relationship. There’s compromise – you choose the movie, I choose the restaurant. There’s chivalry – you hold every door and pay for everything, even when I protest. And there’s sex – we always end the evening by rolling around in bed, expressing our physical attraction by playing with each other’s ballsacks. We need this.”
Greg paused. He wanted to feel okay about leaving his mom at home, but he couldn’t. Dale saw this, and continued making his argument.
“Listen, your mother’s going to be fine. She’s just old, and sometimes that means she gets a little confused-”
“A little confused? Yesterday I poured myself a glass of a milk and she said that she never knew Martians could handle Earth-dairy.”
“I’m sure she was just joking around.”
“Oh yeah? Then why did she part the curtains, point out the window, and exclaim, ‘Looks like, we’ll be touching down on Ganymede in no time! Quick! Put on your spacesuit! If the admiral catches you out of it, he’ll stick you with kitchen-duty!’?”
Dale knew his boyfriend had a point. But couldn’t give up. Selfishly, he wanted dinner and a movie, followed by sex. More altruistically, he honestly didn’t think Greg’s mother was in any jeopardy.
“Greg, if I thought there a serious risk that Rhonda would hurt herself, I wouldn’t be in the car with you right now. But she’s fine — you put her to bed and watched her fall asleep. You know where she’s going to be when we get back? In bed, sleeping! Probably dreaming about traveling the solar system in a rocketship, but in bed nonetheless. We’ll check in to see her peacefully sleeping, sneak into the kitchen for a piece of that rum cake you spent all afternoon baking, and then hit the bedroom.”
Dale kissed Greg on the cheek, and all was well. Greg had been mollified. Date-nite was still ready for lift-off.
And then the panic-gazelles stampeded across the Great Plains of Greg’s face.
“Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!”
“What’s the matter?”
“Fuck, we have to go back right now! Dale, turn the fucking car around!”
“Greg, calm down! What’s wrong?”
“I’m so stupid! I was so fucking caught up in putting Mom to bed that I forgot take the cake out! I forget to turn off the goddamn oven! D’ya know how much alcohol I put in that cake? The fucking house is going explode!”
[][][]
Rhonda Bilkes crossed the threshold, excited for the mission at hand. She’d been to Ganymede to Mars and even Pluto. But never had she been tasked with surveying the Sun.
Oh, she could already feel the wonderful solar heat penetrating her spacesuit!
—-
Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute!
This is the spot I drop a whole bunch of nonsense, and then show off the various ways I’ll be entertaining myself during the course of the workweek. Hey man, don’t blame me! I’m a hack-writer and I’ve got duties to fulfill! Anyways, your job is to hit up the comments section and share the methods of life-improvement you’ll be employing.
It’s show-and-tell for pop-culture addicts, basement-dwelling-nerds, aspiring artists, and all others who count themselves amongst the OL faithful.
Let’s rock!
Press Start: Cave exploring on digital acid
Hello friends, and welcome to another edition of Press Start! For the uninitiated: this is a gathering of stories from the world of video games. I try to pick amusing, or over-looked stories that you perhaps haven’t managed to read because you were so overwhelmed by the amount of map pack release announcements or touching human interest stories about daddy and son waiting in line to pick up their Wii U. It’s enough to make a man sick, isn’t it?
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ Box Art. Got that generic moody white dude swagger.
Oh snap! Hubba, hubba! I had no idea that BioShock Infinite‘s lead was such a looker. Got that typical Nathan Drake swagger to him. It is hard to imagine Ken Levine signing off on this box art, with it being so typical Male Lead Whupping Ass. Aimed to catch the mouth breathers in the aisles! Oh snap! Old salt-and-peppered McGrizzly rolling with a shotty. I’m sold! Whatever. As long as the game is good, I’ll temper my tempest.
Joss Whedon’s ‘MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING’ gets release date.
Man, now that I pause for like five seconds this makes a lot of sense. Billy Shakespeare is known for several things. Being a spy for the Illuminati. Stealing from Christopher Marlowe. But also for his witty repartee. Why, Joss Whedon is also known for this. Now it makes like total logical sense that homeboy has adapted Much Ado About Nothing.
Bloomberg says next Xbox is arriving for 2013 holidays. My body is ready!
As much as I like my bank account to bathe in its own minuscule juices, I like new gaming consoles even more. So I’m more than ready to embrace the Xbox-Kinect Excelsior-720-AR wunderkind. I have been ready for awhile. If this report is to be believed, I’ve got myself another year to wait. Whatever. What is another year. That’s like 400 days, or something. 3,000 masturbation sessions, or something. I can handle this.
Gaiman Foundation donates $60,000 to Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. Frak yeah.
Neil Gaiman is stepping up into the fray. The good sir has donated a lovely amount of funds through his foundation to Comic Book Legal Defense Fund.
Rumor: Latest ‘STAR WARS’ director possibilities are FINCHER and FAVREAU.
David Fincher? Doing a Star Wars movie? Be still my heart. Then resurrect it using midi-chlorians so I can watch the flick.
