Hackers steal $40,000 IN SUBWAY GIFT CARDS. So many g’damn footlongs.
Fuck Taco Bell, these hackers were thinking outside of the box. A couple of fancy bros went house, stealing a ridiculous sum in Subway gift cards. Then they flipped those bastards on eBay for real world money. Fantastic.
Monday Morning Commute: Red Planets, Blue Skies, Black Hearts, White Lies.
Scanners wasn’t wrong. Inter-facing with the Omega Space-Ship through the circuitous telephone network is difficult. As we speak, the hemoglobin slithers down my nasal cavities. My sclera pool into murky, red misery. I do this for you, my friends. Seldom are the days when you get the pleasure of knowing the gentle-man at the other end of an exchange is a fugitive. Yet today, you have this pleasure. The modern-man with his fascist government attempts to hold me-you-us down, insisting that digitally interfacing with a Slurpee machine with our digits (along with other mushy parts) is against some sort of law. Embrace the disembracement of the flesh, let us love all matter within the known Cosmos.
Or just let me fuck my Slurpee machine in peace. It loves me so.
Quickly now, let us not waste time. While Spring is close, it is still nipply out. Running out of the 7-Eleven as I was chased by the Illuminati’s thugs, I wasn’t able to retrieve my pants. So I am balls-out, warbling nonsense into the last known pay phone in my town. Soon I’m going to need to take the quarter out from underneath my tongue to continue this man-phone-internet-Word-Press exchange thanks to the cost of communication. And once I lose my Tuning Coin, who knows how things are going to go.
This is Monday Morning Commute. I’m going to tell you the things I wish I was doing instead of being on the run from the Trilateral Commission’s goons. You’re going to tell me what arts and farts you’re enjoying this week.
BRIAN K. VAUGHAN and MARCOS MARTIN tease their new project. Yes x Everything.
Pop quiz! How do you give me a boner? Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes. Aside from showing me pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch in Star Trek Into Darkness while whispering, “All of this will be yours in a Star Wars format.” You do it by showing me a preview of the upcoming Brian K. Vaughan collaboration with Marcos Martin.
Press Start: Suda Horny, Michael
The world of video games is an industry powered by the inane grins of fuckwitts flailing to Just Dance and the sweaty wank-palms of teens prestiging for the nineteenth time on Black Ops II. Occasionally though, this fecal assembly line spews out the odd gem, inspires the odd moment of creativity and even showcases some of the most inventive minds working today. I guess, on the whole, it isn’t quite so bad. Perhaps I should put my cynicism aside. “What’s that? Assassin’s Creed with pirates? You mean the only decent mechanic in the entire of Ass Creed III was simply to test the market for the next title?” Excuse me whilst I wretch over the starboard bow. No wonder I’m so cynical. Before I hurt someone, here’s a round-up of the less-shit things that happened in gaming this week.
PIRATE BAY’S OLDEST TORRENT isn’t all that amazing.
People find themselves curious about things that I could never imagine being curious about myself. For example, what is the oldest torrent on The Pirate Bay? Shit never would have crossed my mind. That’s okay though, I respect that all people are different. For instance, I spent a good amount of time this afternoon fantasizing about peanut butter-slathered blow jobs. Probably not that common in the grand scheme of things. Let us respect one another, and enjoy this post.
Cosplay: RULE 63 DOCTOR STRANGE is magical indeed. Get it? Magic? Sorcery? Eh?
Wow-wow-wee-wah. This is one of the more lovely Rule 63 cosplays I have seen in a given while. We all know why, so let us not belabor the splendor. Just hit the jump for more looks.
New ‘MAN OF STEEL’ pics are HAIRY CHESTED THUNDER.
I say goddamn! Superman has himself some sweaty, glorious pectoral muscles in the latest batch of Man of Steel pictures. Amid the din of both Iron Man 3, and Star Wars Into Darkness (heh) or whatever, I continually forget this piggy is coming home to roost. What an errant bastard I am! These pictures serve as a quality reminder that there is going to be a shard of Kryptonite in my pants later this summer. And I suppose I’m happy to see you, too.
‘GAME OF THRONES’ SEASON 3 WAR Trailer: Dany, Jon, and a lot of death.
We have crossed the Ides of March, which means that the newest season of Game of Thrones shall be arriving in nearly no time. Thank goodness. The wait has been interminable, driving me to read the books to find out what happens! Good lord. Have you tried reading Martin? Let’s just say that the author’s prose mirrors his body in size. And bloat.
