Stan Lee got himself an ‘AGENTS OF SHIELD’ appearance.
Stanley Lee has been in every single Marvel movie to date. Is that right? *Fact-checkers I’ve imagined nod at me* Okay cool. However all of those appearances are limited pretty much to a cameo. So you’d be comfortable assuming his gig on Agents of SHIELD would be the same sort of flavor. But you’d be wrong, bro! Wrong!
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Sony announces ‘PLAYSTATION NOW’ STREAMING SERVICE. GAMES. EVERYWHERE.
Sony has announced PlayStation Now, which will allow you to stream PS1, PS2, and PS3 games to all sorts of fucking devices. Tablets and your PS4, your Television, pretty much insanity.
‘STARCRAFT’ pro gaming legend COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT. Hulkster++
Can’t help but relate this to the return of a bruiser like Hulk Hogan to the arena. Or Jordan. Maybe both. As you can see, I funnel all my realities through my childhood. Anyways, I think this is amazing. I love living in a world where in it’s news that a pro gamer is coming out of retirement to whup ass. Take names.
Monday Morning Commute: Witch Craft is Magic?
The Pie-Eyed former-bibliophile was flabbergasted, which was new for him. Drunk? Awkward? Socially maladjusted? Oh, he was plenty comfortable with these. But in this moment, he was straight-up flabbergasted.
“Goddamn boy, what’re you lookin’ so flabbergasted for?”
“‘Cause you says,” a youthful forehead was slapped by its own palm, “youhadda shackkup with a witch. A witch?!”
Absalom bellowed, “Oh yes! There’s no two ways about it, Susy’s a witch! Hell, she has to be the witchiest witch I’ve ever come across in my time!”
“You mean with a cauldron and potions and brum-stick and all?”
“Well, not exactly.”
Pie-Eyed was making the most of his ever-dwindling faculties to figure out what the hell Absalom meant. He lifted his drink to his lips, hesitated for a moment, and then drained the entire thing. “Wait! Wait! Did she have magical powers?!”
“Yes and no.” Absalom chucked to himself. “I mean, we can get into all sorts of discussions about ‘magic’ and of what it is composed. Access to supernatural realms? ‘Any sufficiently advanced technology,’ is that it? The ability to astound, to create scenarios that push the limits of imagination? Artistry? The ability to realize to turn an idea into a tangible product? Do any, or all, of these constitute magic?”
“Uhh…”
“So we’re coastin’ on fumes, and I swear to the Maker that we sputter to a stop right in Susy’s driveway! No damn brakes or nothin’! The jalopy croaks right in the driveway.”
“It, it,” Pie-Eyed paused to burp, but continued, “it was kismet?”
“It sure seemed like it at the time.” Absalom sratched his grey-goin’-white stubble and flagged down the bartender in the hopes of getting some peanuts. “There we were, a carful of over-eager youths, sweatin’ testosterone and hankerin’ booze. And what was before us? A cabin that looks more like a palace, set woods that look more like a national park, with bonfires lightin’ up a keg-party that looks more like Saturnalia!”
“Betcha couldn’t wait to get outtathat car!”
“I’d take that bet – I stayed right where I was, didn’t unbuckle or nothin’.”
Once again, Pie-Eyed was flabbergasted.
“I know what you’re thinkin.’” Absalom swooped in with a preemptive strike. “How could I sit in the car with the prospect of inebriation and fornication mere yards before me? Well, I’ll tell ya,” the old-timer took a rip of Pepsi. “It’s `cause I knew about Susy’s reputation. I’d never met her before, but we ran in the same circles. And the word was that she was a goddamn man-eater. A seductress. A master of cardiac-vivisection. After I’d made the call to see if we could crash at her place, I told my crew that I’d be sleepin’ in the car and encouraged to do the same.”
“They lissen toya?”
“Hell no! The car’d barely come to a rest when those monkey-brains were already runnin’ towards the coeds, practically unzippin’ their flies as they went.”
Absalom Fabliaux, ever the consummate gentleman, slid the bowl of peanuts to the Pie-Eyed intern. When a passerby attempted to filch a peanut, Señor Fabliaux grabbed the interloper by the collar, growled that the “Yuppie Scumsucker better drop my friend’s nut,” and then dispatched him with a firm shove.
Pie-Eyed was grateful.
“So, wuddya wake up inna morning? Allyur friends hanged over and witthur pants down?”
“I wish. At about three in the mornin’ I wake up to find my buddy Urie frantically bangin’ on the window, screamin’ for help.”
“What wuzzit?!”
“To quote Urie: ‘You’re right, Susy’s a witch – she’s turned our friends into fucking pigs!’”
—-
Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!
I’m going to show you some of the ways I’ll be keepin’ myself entertained over the next few days. Then, you (as an ever-faithful contributor to the Spaceship OL passenger-community), will hit up the comments section and do the same. Before all’s said and done, we’ll have had a nice round of digital show’n’tell.
Break the glass and grab your Emergency Word-Weapon!
Watch: MICHAEL BAY PRETTY MUCH MELTS DOWN at Samsung CES event. Solidarity, brah.
Michael Bay is a compatriot to bros everywhere. Fans of rotating cameras, ‘splosions, and vascularity. So while it’s pretty amazing watching his meltdown from Samsung’s CES event, I also want to offer a fist bump. I’m with you, Michael. From bro to bro. Just uh…you know. Don’t walk off the stage when things get hairy.
Edgar Wright is totally TEASING ANT-MAN’S IDENTITY in NEW BLOG POST.
Who is going to be Ant-Man? Hank Pym? Scott Lang? Both? Neither? Edgar Wright knows, and he’s teasing our tips, lips, and bits with information. Or disinformation. Some sort of formation.
‘HOUSE OF CARDS’ SEASON 2 Trailer: Democracy Is Overrated
Hey man, Frank Underwood’s words, not mine. Here is the “official” (what the fuck was the last one, then?) trailer for season two of House of Cards. Looks fucking killer! Is that a pun? I don’t know. Probably.
Hit the jump for the glory.
Dude who did classic ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ box art has passed away. Frown.
Greg Martin is the man who is probably more responsible for crafting my lasting image of Sonic Fucking Blast Processing Hedgehog. Martin cut the box art for the Genesis series, and I can picture them all perfectly all these years later. Sadly the good sir has passed away, joining the series itself in Heaven. Get it? ‘Cause Sonic sucks now? Oh whatever.
Next ‘HALO’ dropping this year. Teabag your bro with glee.
My XB1 is neat. Sitting there. Talking to me. Being like “Hey man, Kinect’s scanning your dong. Telling people six inches? LOL c’mon braj know thyself. The truth will get you free.” However outside of scanning my minuscule weiner it isn’t doing much. But if it can stay strong for the next few months, it appear it’ll be getting some Master Chief action later this year.
Best of 2013–Eduardo Pluto’s Long-Winded and Late Picks
A week ago, I went out to dinner with a group of my friends. It was a memorable time, but it brought my year into focus—or rather, brought out its relative indistinctness. One friend, whom I hadn’t seen for a year, sat next to me during this festive occasion, and of course, having not spoken much to each other in some time, we decided to catch up. The problem was I didn’t have much to offer, so we were close to being caught up from the get-go. (It’s a wonder how I have any friends to begin with.)
The most pertinent conversation went like this:
“Hey, Eduardo! It’s great seeing you! So what have you been up to?”
“Not much.”
“Really?
“Ya, same old, same old, really.”
“I haven’t seen you in a year and nothing new has happened? I find that hard to believe.”
“Well, I’m a year older than I was the last time I saw you, so I guess that’s something.”
Fin.
