Cosplay: Armored-Up Yoko Littner from Gurren Lagann gets the drill spinnin’
Oh, come on! I’m allowed a phallic reference when talking about an entire fucking anime series that deals with them. Aren’t I? Whatever! I don’t care what you say, doubting mortals! Just enjoy this glorious cosplay.
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‘Mighty No. 9’ getting animated series! Plus new fundraising campaign!
A MEGAMAN BY ANY OTHER NAME has some dope news afoot. The title is going to be getting its own fucking animated series. While Capcom tries to figure out how to ruin Resident Evil Gears of War further, the Brain behind Mega Man is just shitting on their lives. This could have all been theirs! But nah! And as well as revealing the animated series, they Mighty People are announcing a new round of crowdfunding.
Monday Morning Commute: Special Delivery
It hadn’t been my intention to light the mailman on fire.
I’d just wanted to give him a good scare. A shake-up. A reminder that I’m entitled to nothing less than the respect granted to all employers. `Cause love `em or hate `em, it’s the employers that give us the money for bill-payin’. Don’t believe me? Well, get caught screwin’ your boss’ husband and see how long you can keep payin’ for cable television and discount lapdances and beer and horny-videos and everything else worth livin’ for.
But seriously, I never thought the mailman’d actually go up in flames.
The way I sees it, I’m the mailman’s employer. Why’s that? Well, the mailman’s paycheck comes from taxes. And since I pay taxes most years, it’s my money that becomes his money. Sine qua pro bono. As his employer, it frustrates me to no damn end to see him royally bangin’ the job up the `ole keister. Parcel-delivery is one of the foundations of our friggin democracy! Without it we ain’t more than savages! There’s no excuse for the job bein’ done haphazardly!
And there’s no ignorin’ the fact that the mailman’s been stealin’ my goddamn TV Guides!
So yesterday, I waited by my mailbox. As the mailman approached I asked if he had my TV Guide. When he told me it must’ve been lost in the shuffle, I politely informed him that he was going to lose all of his “filth-riddle ass hairs.” Seizing his moment of confusion, I pushed him into my bushes, sending letters and packages all over the sidewalk. I quickly pulled down the back of his state-issued shorts and covered his buttcheeks with hairspray. As he screamed and squirmed and protested, I kept sprayin’, followin’ the cannister’s instructions to “apply thoroughly.” As I lit the match, I told him that I believed in poetic justice and his theft of my TV Guides had really been chappin’ my ass.
It hadn’t been my intention to light the mailman on fire. But I can’t say I regret it. Where’s my TV Guide?
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Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! I’m going to list the activities that’ll keep me entertained throughout the week. Your task is to hit up the comments section and share your own suggestions for fun-havin’!
Rock! Roll! Lose control!
‘EPISODE VII’ on schedule despite Ford’s injury, has cast two new roles
Double scoop of Episode VII news on this Sunday. First off: the flick is on schedule! Despite General Solo’s injury! Go figure. I’m sure after Disney Corporate deployed the Robo-Ninjas with their Death-Laced Scythes, all of a sudden Abrams felt he could make the December 2018 deadline. Second off: the flick has added two more members to its already impressive cast.
Cliff (DUDE F**KING HUGE) Bleszinski Creates BOSS KEY Game Studio
The curtain has been *somewhat* pulled back on Cliffy B’s next gaming venture. Cliffy’s new game studio was initially uncovered through the sniffing of various legal paper trails by people smarter, and more dedicated than me. And now their website has officially launched! But what I can add is that no matter what sort of light ribbing I give Dude Huge, I’m super stoked for whatever he has coming up next. His titles are the very essence of BROMEGA LEVEL
Marvel Teases A NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA. I Got $5 On Foggy
This is what happens when you read only like five Marvel comic books like me. You have no idea that there is even the necessity for a new Captain America, because you don’t know that Steve Rogers has lost his Super Soldier Serum. People are saying it may be Falcon. FWIW THOUGH? Bucky Barnes and his Robot Arm are The Shield’s OTP.
Weekend Open Bar: EAT BURGERS / PUKE FREEDOM
Happy Fourth of July, folks. Nothing like fireworks, seared animal and simulated-animal flesh, and adult beverages to kick off this week’s edition of Weekend Open Bar. The column at the End of the Internet Universe. Where anything goes so long as it’s in the positive spirit of the Space-Ship. Get drunk, post embarrassing secrets. Stay sober, post what you’re up to over the course of the weekend. Throw GIFS at the comments section with reckless abandon.
‘Sherlock’ returning with holiday special + fourth season
Benzanine Cucumber and Biblo Fargo are returning for MOAR SHERLOCK. That’s right! A fucking holiday special! A fucking fourth season! And hopefully fucking better than the middling, somewhat rudderless third season!
Lindsay Lohan suing Rockstar over ‘GRAND THEFT AUTO’ character
If a Lindsay Lohan overdoses in the Woods, does it make a sound? #PoorTaste #GoingToHell It seems that Lohan is trying to avoid entering the said woods of pop culture oblivion by any means necessary. Her latest endeavor is by suing Rockstar Games over her “likeness” being jacked in Grand Theft Auto V.
First Look: (Depressing, Cynical) SUPERMAN from ‘BATMAN V SUPERMAN’
This image of Superman from Batman v Superman sums up everything wrong with the Zack Snyder-led DC Cinematic Universe better than I ever could. Dumb. Cynical. The antithesis of everything Superman is, should be, stands for. A rote performance of a misunderstanding of what superheroes all need to be. Namely conflicted, “dark”, tortured.
