Monday Morning Commute: Remember the Bloodletting
It was the morning of the Harvest Festival. My thirteenth Harvest Festival. And as such, I was going to get to prove my Worth to the Tribe. I was going to sacrifice Demeter, the family ram, in front of the Great Altar, and in doing so I’d be acknowledged as a Member Whose Voice is Heard.
It was to be a bloody, gruesome, and glorious rite of passage.
But I woke up to Skinny Tina, my kid sister, screeching “He stoled it! He stoled Demeter!”
“Who stole Demeter?”
“Peter-Boy!”
Peter-Boy was my rival, and not in no friendly way, neither. His family’d provided more for him than they’d ever should have. And the Tribe’d provided more than it should have. But he just couldn’t get his shit together. So when he lost his family’s goat just a week before his thirteenth Harvest Festival, he found himself in the most unenviable position of not having a viable sacrifice for the Great Altar.
No sacrifice, no way to prove Worth to the Tribe. And let me tell you, the stink of trying to prove your Worth during your fourteenth Harvest? It don’t dissipate quick.
So when I gently instructed Peter-Boy to “Give me back the ram or I’ll tear your goddamn lungs outta yer chest” it shouldn’t’ve been no surprise that he’d flash a blade. But! It shouldn’t’ve been no surprise to him when I flashed my own. We darted and slashed and dashed, and when it was all over there was a clear victor.
That nite, I became a Member Whose Voice is Heard. And I did it by spilling blood for the second time that day. And it was bloody and gruesome and glorious.
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Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! Remember way back in kindergarten when you’d have to bring in something to show the class? And then you’d tell the class all `bout it? And everyone would get excited? And then you’d kinda forget that you were even in the Indoctrination Camp school in the first place?
Think of the MMC as the same idea, just amplified in importance. What sort of pop culture, subculture, and uncultured nonsense are you going to consume to stave off the Void this week?
I’ll get us started!
‘Avengers: Infinity War’ Teaser: Gang’s All Here, Fighting A Demigod
Marvel’s dropped the first teaser for Infinity War, at the beginning of what’s going to be a year-long shoot. Man. Oh man. There’s no way I can *not* mark out at the idea of Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Star-Lord in the same scene. Impossible.
Report: ‘The Batman’ Is Being Directed By Matt Reeves
When Batfleck announced he wasn’t directing The Batman, the first name that dropped as his replacement was Matt Reeves. It appears that name was, in fact, correct. And my take? Sure? Dude is competent enough. Enormous fall down from Christopher Nolan, maybe a fall down from Affleck, certainly Jesus Christ in comparison to Zack Snyder.
Next ‘Call of Duty’ To Return To Its “Roots” With “Traditional Combat”
Call of Duty is doing what Battlefield did last year, folks. It’s eschewing the science-fiction, jet-pack madness for more traditional combat. Returning the series to its roots, if you will. I’m down! I’m down for it. I mean, fuck, I enjoyed the science-fiction interpretation, but I think we’re all ready to strip the series back down.
Space Swoon: Hubble Spies The Andromeda Constellation’s Spiral
Hubble has captured the glorious spiral of the Andromeda constellation. Not to be confused with our neighboring Andromeda galaxy.
‘Destiny 2’ Coming This Year According To Activision
I’m excited for Destiny 2. The original was rocky out of the gate, but Bungie has more than found their footing since then. So a full, dedicated installment to learn all their lessons from developing the first? Nice.
Report: Warner Bros. Is “Very Happy” With ‘The Batman’ Script
Ah! As the world turns for The Batman, and everything surrounding it. The latest report? Warner Bros. is “very happy” with the script. But, I mean, what are they going to say-leak? They fucking hate it, and they’re despairing?
Kevin Smith Announces New ‘Jay And Silent Bob’ Film
Hey! Party like its 2000! I have no desire to see a new Jay And Silent Bob movie. I’m going to cling on to my fuzzy Clerks nostalgia and push the rest of it to the side.
First Look: ‘Pacific Rim: Uprising’ Jaegers Make Their Apocalypse-Cancelling Debut
Here’s our first look at Pacific Rim: Uprising‘s Jaeger designs. I dig them! Sort of hard to extrapolate how they’re going to look on the big screen, but I’m going to lean into my own positivity. Thoughts?
‘Logan’ Clip: A Quiet, Bleak Ennui For The Berserker Turned Chauffeur
Here’s a new clip promoting Logan. It features Logan living a grim, forgotten life as a chauffeur for the drunk and douchey. It’s a bleak, matte existence for the former berserker, and sets the tone for the upcoming movie.











