Warren Ellis is the most intriguing figure currently in comics. He’s fueled by energy drinks, alcohol, and cigarettes. Despite his disdain for them, his superhero stories stand above the rest. And his creator-owned properties are just out of fucking control. Every writer should aspire for Ellis’ mastery.

The trailer for Captured Ghosts, a 2011 documentary about the scribe, has hit the infonets. Peep that shit:

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Motherfucking Marvel Vs Capcom 3 is real, and there’s a trailer to prove it. I can’t even count how many hours I poured over Marvel vs Capcom 2 on my Japanese Dreamcast. Or how many expletives I dropped as I was air-juggled through a crouching fierce punch. Fucking bullshit! Anyways. Despite showing absolutely no gameplay, this trailer has me geeking out. Fuck Street Fighter IV, this franchise captures the spirit of my generation. Super fast paced, numbers and happenings everywhere, buttons mashing a-go-go. That’s probably heretical to some, but to me it’s axiom.

[Variant Covers is a column every Tuesday that breaks down the various titles coming out that week in the world where an Aryan Poster Child defends America!]

Captain America: Who Won’t Wear the Shield #1
You have to hand it to Marvel for being self-conscious. After giving the readers Captain America: Who Will Wear the Shield, a comic that revealed and settled nothing, they’re releasing this little gem. And better yet, they’re going to make four bucks off of everyone ridiculous enough to buy it. It’s something like “Hey, we realized how retarded our one-shots are, now buy another one because we’re totally ironic and self-efficacious.”

I’m not going to buy it, but I have to hand it to Marvel for trying, you know? Nothing like post-modern recognition meeting capitalism. Bravo to you guys.

One of the difficult things about writing this column every week is trying to find something exciting. If you’re a comic book fan, you know that generally the same comic books come out the same week of every month. I mean, I can only recommend Daredevil so many times before I’m like “Drinkwater, you’re fucking redundant.” So I scour the release lists and the shit that I recommend is off the table, and that leaves what exactly?

Stuff I haven’t read, or don’t want to check out.

It isn’t that I’m not adventurous, but I generally have no interest in reading something like Fall Of the Hulk: Throwdown On Planet Zuul or whatever. Does that make me close-minded? Perhaps. I’m always looking for suggestions though. Throw something my way and I’m game to try it out.

Star Wars Official Starships And Vehicles Collection Magazine #13

However, one of the beautiful things about writing this shit is that I get to glance at the list of weekly releases. Such an action inevitably leads me to come across things such as this. That’s right, Star Wars fanboys. There are magazines dedicated to detailing the official vehicles of the Star Wars Universe. This son of a bitch is going to tell you everything you ever wanted to know about Tie Bombers. I know I’ve had a few questions about them. You know, fuselage, and uh, missile capacity and shit.

And now I can have those questions answered for me, for eighteen bucks. Eighteen bucks! Holy fuck! I can’t fathom buying this magazine for that sort of money, but I can picture myself ten years ago begging my Mom to buy it for me. Maybe that’s the target audience: little kids with boners for a galaxy far, far, away.

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Way back in the day, during the beta-stages of OL, I did a feature on a dude named Nadim. This guy had bought a t-shirt from an old website of mine and was so enamored that he offered to rock a banner on his own site. Curious, I made my way to his piece of Internet real estate and discovered that he was an underground comics creator.

The thing is, Nadim is still a comics creator. He illustrates and co-writes Deadhead, a fantastic satire of superhero books. There’s Stoner, a telepath/telekinetic whose powers only manifest when, well, when he’s stoned. Alongside him is Apeman, a giant ape who was a world-renowned hero in the 1980’s but is now little more than the town drunk. And then there’s the titular character, Deadhead — a guy with no discernable powers but a strong desire to beat supervillain ass.

Corresponding with Nadim recently, he expressed concern that with Kick-Ass hitting the theaters his book would be perceived as nothing but a mere knock-off. I can assure you, that is not the case at all. Even though both titles feature powerless protagonists, they are quite divergent in theme and internal logic. While Mark Millar’s newest comic-turned-movie ostensibly takes place in the real world, Deadhead is about a real dude in an unbelievable world. In Nadim’s work, there are superheroes, but the main character just isn’t fortunate enough to be one.

Another major distinction is the fact that Deadhead is completely free. Seriously. If you hit up the website, you can download every single issue and the first trade paperback without cost. It’d be nice if you tossed starving artists some sandwich money, but at the very least go generate some traffic.

[source]

Is that dirty enough for you?

It’s getting there.

Between RDJ, Scarlett Johansson, and ridiculous techno-gadgets, I swear to god my groin is going to explode during Iron Man 2. Hit the jump for the video.

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I’ve been sick recently. Really sick. As in, “We’re sorry Mr. Krueger, but we have no fucking clue what’s wrong with you!” Guesswork in white coats? Perhaps. But I’d rather take my chances with the guesswork of our 2010 medicine men than try to fight this shit on the Oregon Trail. Huzzah for being born in the future!

With nothing to do but sit around and hope Joe Black doesn’t try to filch my soul, I’ve been watching far more television than normal. Most of it has been garbage, but I’ve caught a few gems here and there. One of the best things I’ve seen in the past few days has been Stephen King’s Silver Bullet.

The 1985 flick takes place in a yokel town in Maine (where else, Stephen King, where else?!) that just happens to come under werewolf-attack. Every month, some poor sap gets torn to shreds and the townsfolk chalk it up to a regular, human maniac. Then Corey Haim figures out what’s going on, but no one believes him because he’s in a wheelchair. Well, his Uncle Gary Busey believes him but he’s an alcoholic so you know how that goes. Seriously, if I had a nickel for every time a good monster hunt went sour because of a drunk relative, well, I’d have twenty cents.

This movie is pretty fucking sweet. It’s got werewolves, swear words, bloody mutilations, rocket-powered wheelchairs, John Locke, and an evil priest. It definitely feels like a ridiculous 1980’s flick and I should hope that you’ll enjoy it as such.

[via egotastic]

I love Christina Hendricks. A lot. It’s well documented. So when glancing at these pictures from Esquire, I can feel so much blood shifting in my body that I near collapse, only to rally to the point of consciousness, and become acutely aware of an inexplicable, unrelenting, indescribable pain in my groin.

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via cbr:

DC Comics has announced via their official blog, The Source, that John Cassaday will be the new regular cover artist for “Superman” starting with issue #701. Cassaday will be joining incoming writer J. Michael Straczynski and interior artist Eddy Barrows on the title.

Dude is so gorgeous.

Oh sweet Jesus. Just today I was thinking about how fucking aggravated I was about the prequels.

And today, I find out that a sequel to Return of the Jedi was coming:

via slashfilm:

After a fan commented that he “would really love to see new adventures after Jedi with our favorite characters Luke, Han and Leia,” Sansweet replied, “And you will, in the new animation.

BestOfLuckProductions.com (via: AICN) reports that the animated television series would revisit the original cast of characters from Star Wars in post Return of the Jedi adventures, and that “not everyone who dies in sci-fi stays dead.” Apparently we’ll find out what he means in three to four years, but I’m guessing it means that some of the Sith survived. Sounds like a bad idea, but consider the fact that fans are saying that the current animated series, the Clone Wars, is better than all of the prequels combined.

We assume that this series is the same show that was announced a couple weeks back – an animated television situational comedy series written by The Daily Show/Frank TV scribe Brendan Hay and developed by Robot Chicken creators/producers Seth Green and Matthew Seinreich. If so, I seriously doubt any of the new storylines will be considered “in canon.” If we learn anything new, we’ll update the story.

Sometimes I hate existence.