Dude In My Class: Hates On Alan Moore, Loves Prequels; Lucky To Be Alive.
In the span of five minutes yesterday, some grand mal douchebag in my class talked up The Phantom Menace as being a great movie, and then informed me he didn’t read Watchmen because Alan Moore “irked” him. The fact that he didn’t receive a jackknife powerbomb from me is both a blessing from god, and a sign my anti-psychotics are working.
In a more civilized time, I could have self-corrected this ass-hat’s douchery with a stern application of the most vicious move in pro wrestling. By god! How didn’t more people die from this? But alas, I can only watch this video, and dream of a time when society was able to police itself.
DEFEAT. 002 – Smashed Fruit & Liberated Seed
[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction. Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]
Daryl got out of the car, took three steps, and then stopped dead in his tracks.
New Thor Movie Pictures! Loki Gets Head!
I’ve been totally showing my bipolar roots when it comes to the Thor movie. I’m stoked, I’m not stoked. I’m excited, I think their outfits look like Hot Topic bullshit. Yes, and no. Up and down. As of the time of this post, and subject to change, I’m pretty fucking pumped about the movie. These scans came out yesterday, thanks to intrepid people with scanners and Empire magazine. They look righteous, with a smoldering emo Thor looking god damn fantastic in his costume.
Hit the jump for Asgardian wankery.
THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Hello, Bandit
The second episode of this season’s Dexter dropped, and it was second verse, same as the first. Dexter spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out how he was going to reconcile his family life with the fact that he has to kill people to sate his blood frenzy. Thankfully, by the end of the episode Those Fucking Annoying Kids were packed up and headed to their fucking grandparents’ house.
Thank. God.
I was pretty stoked when Astor and Cody got their insufferable asses packed up into a car and sent off to their grandparents’ house in Orlando. Seriously Astor, fuck you. Your Dad was a crackhead douchebag, who Dexter had to take out just to keep him from romping around your house.
And you dare raise your voice to this guy? And state that you want to go live with Nana and Pop-Pop? Have fun with that shit, yo. Someday you’re going to come downstairs and find your Nana topless, with a pair of fudged undies giving your grandfather a blow-job. Just look in the eyes of those two, they’re fucking freaks. Gramps got a bit of the nasty in him.
Then three years later, if that isn’t enough, they’re going to die. Don’t call Dexter when it happens, cool?
Variant Covers: Behold, The Fetus Of God!
What a fantastic week in the world of funny books. There’s a good amount of shit dropping that I’m digging and/or have been anticipating for a while now. Some weeks it’s bare bones, other weeks it’s a raping and pillaging of my wallet. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground, which is cool, because what is the internet for! If not for bitching and moaning?
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S.H.I.E.L.D #4
Whenever S.H.I.E.L.D drops, it’s my favorite book of the week. Easily, and without contention. Hickman and Weaver are combining their powers like fucking Captain Planet to give me a mind-raping that I welcome with open uh, mind-anus? Whatever. Seriously though, it’s a combination of epic Marvel action during the days of DaVinci, humanist philosophy, and really, really, really gorgeous artwork. It’s raged from being unknown and underneath the radar to one of the dopest and most acclaimed titles of the year, and if you haven’t hitched yourself to its Icarus wings yet, it’s about time that you got on board.
Last episode was Sir Isaac Newton copulating with an alien, and enslaving Nostradamus to help him guide the trajectory of human history. This episode? Apparently there’s a fetus of god being born, as well as a throwdown with a Celestial. This son of a bitch is hitting on so many cylinders, it’s scary. Well worth your $3.
Also In The Marvel Universe:
Sometimes I kick it around the horn in a Universe when there’s a particularly large deluge rocketing down the pipe, and this week seems fitting. There’s a huge heaping of Thor dropping this week. The aforementioned scribe superior, Hickman is debuting his Ultimate Thor this week, and like a moaning fanboy of his, I’ll be checking it out. Not content, more Thor for you? Even though he’s becoming the Asgardian equivalent of Deadpool when it comes to over-exposure? Hit up Thor: For Asgard. The artwork by Bianchi sells it by itself. Uncanny X-Force #1 debuts this week, and yeah? I don’t know man. At one point in my life, the word “Uncanny” meant a shitload to me. Know it just bums me out, and makes me which I was still running the Australian outback with Claremont and Silvestri.
Oh Sweet Frat Boy No! Zack Snyder Is Helming Superman
The Brothers Omega are well documented in what could easily be described as their soul-crushing response to Zack Snyder’s Watchmen. To us (maybe not to you, and if not, we’re happy for you), it was the cinematic equivalent of watching our Mom getting butt-dinged by a large walrus tweaking out on viagra and cocaine. The therapy bills are enormous.
So now that the same Master of Non-Subtlety, Snyder, is taking over Superman, how the fuck do I feel?
I’m not really sure.
Actually, scratch that, I am sure. It’s my response that is confusing even me. I’m sort of optimistic. How the fuck did this happen? Not really sure. A few reasons. First off, prior to Watchmen, I dug on Snyder. Both Dawn of the Dead and 300 were favorites of mine. Undead, super homoerotic favorites, but enjoyable nonetheless. As well, the trailer for Sucker Punch had me in fanboy ecstasy. It isn’t that the dude doesn’t provide chops for me to wank on.
My problem with him is his mastery of the over-the-top insane-o bullshit. Which I love, provided the circumstances provide for it. His soft-touch is a spike-laden hammer. How will that fit into Superman? I’m not sure. I sure didn’t think it fit into Watchmen. So here I am, after the dude smashes into mush (again, in my eyes, if you liked it, I’m glad you’re happy) one of my favorite graphic novels of all time, and I’m actually cool with his annointment?
Weird. Life is weird.
If Christopher Nolan thinks he fits the script provided by Goyer, I’m going to float him my confidence. I’ve always been a dummy when it comes to giving people my heart. I’m am pretty much a retarded puppy, capable of getting kicked repeatedly by those I love (Looking at you, Lucas), and continually expecting the next extension of the hand to be a gentle testicle rub. So here you go Snyder, I’ll be optimistic about this. Don’t let me down.
This! Is! Mad Men! – Chinese Wall
[This! Is! Mad Men! is a recap of the newest developments of Don Draper and his lovable gang of capitalist sleazeballs. Sometimes it’s liveblogged, sometimes not. In the spirit of the show, the post itself will often be sexist and drunk. Apologies ahead of time.]
Last week the shit hit the fan. And Don Draper’s going to have to listen to some Kanye to find out if “Everything I’m not made me everything I am.”
Yikes. Weak reference. PULL IT TOGETHER, KRUEGER!
SCDP is in shambles. Part of the downfall can be attributed Roger hiding the fact they’re losing the Big Tobacco account on which they’ve survived. Lucky Strike is out and SCDP is going to be SOL.
Jim Lee goes Hellblazer with Constantine sketch!
I’m fucking loving this sketch that Jim Lee shared via Twitter. I used to love Hellblazer back in the day, during Ennis’ fucking glorious run. I haven’t picked it up in a while, asking my comic shop guy on occasion if its worth checking out. I haven’t heard an affirmative, so I haven’t picked it up. But fucking hell, imagine if Jim Lee and some powerhouse author took over the reins?
New Duke Nukem Forever Footage Features Cocks, Monsters, Piss. VOTE: YES.
God damn, Duke Nukem. How have you so fiercely gripped my underdeveloped psyche and shoved it into a video game? It’s tremendous. This gameplay dropped, and it features everything that someone like me would want in a game. Juvenile behavior, nonsensical profanity for no good reason, and killing things. Yeah dude, it’s totally pandering to the lowest common denominator. And there is a lot of us.
Hit the jump for the footage.
