This! Is! Mad Men! – Chinese Wall

[This! Is! Mad Men! is a recap of the newest developments of Don Draper and his lovable gang of capitalist sleazeballs. Sometimes it’s liveblogged, sometimes not. In the spirit of the show, the post itself will often be sexist and drunk. Apologies ahead of time.]

Last week the shit hit the fan. And Don Draper’s going to have to listen to some Kanye to find out if “Everything I’m not made me everything I am.”

Yikes. Weak reference. PULL IT TOGETHER, KRUEGER!

SCDP is in shambles. Part of the downfall can be attributed Roger hiding the fact they’re losing the Big Tobacco account on which they’ve survived. Lucky Strike is out and SCDP is going to be SOL.

At a dinner party, Ken Cosgrove discovers this by way of an accountant at another firm. Being the dependable guy that he is, Cosgrove makes his way to the maternity ward where Campbell’s waiting for his child (second-born, mind you) to be born. While no one could blame Pete for putting precedence on his child’s entrance into Planet Earth, he starts making phone calls. Draper’s on it

Late-night at the office, Roger tries to cover his own ass. He feigns a phone call (putting his thumb on the hook) in which he calls tries to make a stand against Lee Garner, Jr. What a shit thing for Sterling to do. Seriously, if he had come clean to the partners when news first broke, they’d be able to put together a contingency plan. After all, that’s what these muthafuggers do.

Hell, remember when Sterling and Draper first offered Campbell a partnership in a new company? Yeah, that’s right — he went into his Rolodex and started making every gahdamn phone call he could. These are talented, creative individuals who keep getting fugged in the butt by the inability to be completely honest.

…I’m especially impressed by how hard Campbell is taking the news. After finding out that Lucky Strike is out, Pete spends the night drinking. When he comes back to the maternity ward, he has a heart-to-heart with his father in law. Tom tells him that the agency might have been a fun tryst, but that he should settle down with a more stable company.

Campbell’s all like, “I have an agency, I’m a partner.” Which is basically his way of saying “I’M GOING TO GO DOWN WITH MY SHIP IF IT MEANS BURNING TO DEATH AND HAVING SHARKS FEAST ON MY CHARRED REMAINS!”

Yeah, Campbell’s that hardcore.

And Sterling isn’t. Perpetuating the ruse, phones SCDP from a hotel room to pretend that he’s might with the Lucky Strike folks. Roger isn’t really doing too well these days — knocking up Joanie, ruining his agency, probably drinking too much (it’s a safe bet).

So Bert Cooper calls a meeting of the nearest and dearest to announce that SCDP is no longer going to have American Tobacco. Draper tries to make a speech about forging ahead in the face of defeat, not letting a setback affect the work at hand. He speaks well and might even believe in the spirit of the message. But it’s hard to instill faith into those facing a faithless scenario.

“Be successful.” This is the ending of Draper’s pep-talk to creative. He wants the creativity that he has always fueled to burn brighter than ever. Donnie’s   letting Peggy know that she is the ace in his sleeve. The proton torpedo capable of taking down the muthafuggin’ Death Star.

Of course, we’ve got even more tension between Sterling and Joanie. He phones her and reveals his secrecy; as a loyal employee, Big Red’s less than pleased with him. Her displeasure speaks volumes of her desire that Sterling become a better man. Last week, he knocked her up and immediately started speaking abortion. What Joan wanted was him to say, “Well, I don’t want you to get an abortion…but you probably should.” She wants a vote of confidence.

Shit. We don’t even know if Joan got the abortion yet. What do you think? Are we going to have another bastard child born on Mad Men? And if so, will this baby marry the baby that Campbell & Peggy produced? Will the resultant offspring then take over economy in the early 2000’s, playing a crucial role in the current recession?

Donnie fields that call that GlowCoat is dropping the agency. Since Pete was supposed to call them that morning, this is on whom Draper takes out his aggression. Pete peaces out of the room, mad that Don would blame the loss of the account on him. When he arrives at the maternity ward, Pete is met by sleazeball Ted, offering a partnership at another company. I don’t want to see him make the jump, but I’m not entirely sure that he won’t.

I actually feel bad for Roger when he shows up to Joanie’s apartment. He seems genuinely heartbroken that she is not going to continue their fling. When she asks him why about the impetus of his appearance, he denies the notion that it’s anything less than true love. “No. Because I feel like shit and you care about me.”

Okay, so their relationship is adulterous. And it’s terrible to sneak around behind others’ backs. But I wish Joan and Roger were together. Roger shouldn’t be with Jane. Joan shouldn’t be with Greg. But the cards’ve been dealt and I guess there’s only forward momentum.

On the other hand, I am still impressed by the Draper/Faye Miller romance. There haven’t been any terrible arguments…OH SHIT! I SPOKE TOO SOON! Draper wants Faye to let him know which clients are unhappy. She gets pissed that he would ask her to break her code of ethics. Fugg.

Stan makes a move on Peggy. “Why do you keep making me reject you?” is her question for the perv. Pretty sly.

During an argument with Roger, Donnie tells him “[Pete] would’ve never let this happen.” Still fuming, Roger asks Cooper where Draper gets his nerve. Bert just stonewalls him, replying, “Lee Garner, Jr. never took you seriously because you never took yourself seriously.”


Uh-oh…Looks like another secretary is going to give it up to Don. And by it, I mean the poonani. Flirtatiously, she asks to stay late and get an insight into the work that the agency does. She really lays it on thick, “I know everything about you. You’re in my head all day.”

Ugh. I’m hoping nothing comes of this…wait for it…wait for it…hand contact…ugh….waiting…and they kiss! God fugging damn it! This is such fugging horseshit! Donald’s trying to say no. He tries to push her off, but the flooze says she just wants something right now.

Gahdamn. Will Draper ever keep it in his pants? Will true redemption ever be at hand? Maybe not. Maybe that’s the point of this show — that people can improve or fail but will never be perfect.

When Roger gets home his wife greets him with a box. It’s full of copies of his memoirs. She’s proud and he couldn’t be more discontent. Oh, to be rich and yet so poor!

After slamming his secretary secret-spot, Draper arrives at his apartment to find Faye writing him a note. We’re supposed to think that she’s trying to break up with him. But after inviting him inside, she reveals that she set up a meeting with Heinz (ya know, the ketchup folks). She also lets Draper know that she did it because she cares so much about their relationship, whatever it is.

Well, there ya go, Don! You’ve officially broken the trust of yet another blond bombshell. Maybe you should just take an oath of celibacy. Or just refrain from emotional relationships. But you’ve got to knock off the philandering. Seriously.

Betty sucked. I’ll give you that. But Dr. Faye Miller is a legitimate powerhouse. Don’t fugg it up, Donnie.