THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Hello, Bandit

The second episode of this season’s Dexter dropped, and it was second verse, same as the first. Dexter spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out how he was going to reconcile his family life with the fact that he has to kill people to sate his blood frenzy. Thankfully, by the end of the episode Those Fucking Annoying Kids were packed up and headed to their fucking grandparents’ house.

Thank. God.

I was pretty stoked when Astor and Cody got their insufferable asses packed up into a car and sent off to their grandparents’ house in Orlando. Seriously Astor, fuck you. Your Dad was a crackhead douchebag, who Dexter had to take out just to keep him from romping around your house.

And you dare raise your voice to this guy? And state that you want to go live with Nana and Pop-Pop? Have fun with that shit, yo. Someday you’re going to come downstairs and find your Nana topless, with a pair of fudged undies giving your grandfather a blow-job. Just look in the eyes of those two, they’re fucking freaks. Gramps got a bit of the nasty in him.

Then three years later, if that isn’t enough, they’re going to die. Don’t call Dexter when it happens, cool?

This episode also introduced Dexter’s current Serial Killer of the Week or Two, some fucking yokel named Boyd. The dude is pretty legit, rocking a sleazy mustache and a backwards cap. I wonder if he was down with Griffey Jr. back in the day? We’ve all been sporting the backwards shiz since him.

Anyways, despite claiming that he’s looking out for his children, Dexter spends some time mucking about in a swamp, invading Sir Yokel’s house, and scraping blood from a moving van while sitting telling Harrison fairy tales. Involving ogres and blood splatters, and other various amusing bullshit.

I have to give props to the writers this episode, they brought the funny. In an episode which felt somewhat directionless, the laughs kept me amused throughout it. Anytime we’re given Masuka swinging a fucking katana, or getting brains on him, Dexter singing fairy tales of murders, or Quinn stretching out on a bed, I’m going to be alright with everything.

Speaking of Quinn, the god damn guy is persistent. I’m not sure I’m buying his pursuit of Dexter/Kyle Butler/Rita’s murderer. Am I the only one who feels like everything is being shoe-horned into making this plot work? So, all of a sudden Quinn has a raging ass-crush for justice when it comes to Dexter? Really? I know they set it up last season, and they’ve been leading into it, but I suppose I just don’t get it.

The FBI cleared Dexter. As a matter of fact, they went out of their way to inform the viewer that Morgan was at the Mitchell bust when Rita was getting her sexy femoral artery slit. So what exactly is his hold-up, exactly?

Other than the essential Member of Law Enforcement Who Pursues Dexter? The end of the episode sees Quinn doing some truly ludicrous shit. The dude is folding together the various sketches of Kyle Butler into something that — gasp! — resembles Dexter. Seriously? The motherfucker is building a composite by combining the different renditions? That’s absurd. Why the fuck would he start laying them out like that? Insanity.

That was just one of a few moments this episode that struck me as pretty fucking out there. First we had Dexter rocking out as a master hacker, breaking in to the records of U-Haul. Then we had Angel acting completely out of character, and getting hammered and decking some dude. [Notice how I haven’t mentioned Angel or LaGuerta yet? Yep.] And finally, Dexter returns to find Cody and Astor staring at an empty bathtub in their old house. But, they ditched school eight hours ago, and walked there. So they’ve been staring into the pit of their Mom’s doom for a good third of the day. Conveniently though, they snap out of their funk once Dexter arrives on the scene.

Poignant. But all of that is forgivable. I legitimately don’t mind, the Dexter-verse has its own form of logic, and mechanics of behavior. Just worth pointing out to giggle at.

Dexter finally ditched those snotty ungrateful kids. Deb is totally going to be dicking Quinn, who is as amusing as he is pock-marked and emaciated. It’s a shame the dude is being pigeon-holed into the role of hunting Dexter, because I dig the guy. And somewhere, in Miami, there’s some cult doing some demonic shit. Hopefully they’re going to burn the tongues and eyes they’re collecting as a means to summon Maelbolgia or some shit. I dug the episode, but it didn’t really give me anything to chew on. More than anything, it felt like a continuation of the table-setting that the season premiere served up. Two episodes in, let’s get this shit percolating.

What’d you guys think? Totally in love with Boyd, the yokel warrior? Me too.